Temporary {Camren}

Chapter 39

"Maybe I should have told her." Lauren mumbled as she sat on the couch. "The only reason you're saying that Lauren is because she was nearly going to hit you again." Dinah pointed out. "But she didn't." "Yeah because I held her back." "She still walked out of the house when she could have tried to do it again, she wouldn't have made the same mistake." "Wouldn't she? Hm? Do you know that for sure Lauren?" Dinah asked her, and Lauren did wonder. About an hour or so had passed by before Lauren heard a knock on the door. Lauren opened it, it had to be Camila. There her wife stood with red eyes and puffy cheeks, an "I'm sorry" bear in one hand and a bunch of red roses in the other, with a miniature box of truffle chocolates in her mouth, between her teeth, tears still running down her face. Lauren reached out and took the chocolates so she could speak. "Lauren I'm so sorry." She croaked. "I know." Lauren nodded gently as Camila handed her the roses, keeping the bear clutched to her chest. Lauren took the flowers and left the door open for Camila to come inside while she put them in water. Dinah was luckily out getting them both an Indian takeaway, she probably wouldn't have let Camila in if it was her to answer the door. "I was just upset, I wasn't going to hurt you again. I know I would have stopped myself." Lauren turned around after she out the flowers in a vase and gestured to the couch, which was a very good sign for Camila. "And how do you know that?" "Because I love you." She whimpered. "Love didn't stop you the last time." Lauren said, she brought her knees up to her chest, as if to protect herself from the sheer memory. "Baby, I just lost my father and..grief, grief and fear, they make your judgement cloudy and I honestly can't explain it, nor do I have the right to give you one, because there is no explanation for it. I shouldn't have acted the way I did and after what your ex-" "Don't." Lauren said fiercely. "I'm sorry, I just..I need to know you forgive me Lolo." Camila inched closer and her wife looked at her with hesitant green eyes, but they still showed her the same amount of love as they did three years ago. "I'm sorry." She whispered, giving her the bear with shaky hands. Lauren took it and stared down at the cream coloured with a small, stitched smile on it's cute face, and the heart that had the familiar words "I'm sorry" embroidered into the red fabric. Her eyes looked at Camila, who looked absolutely terrified of Lauren's next move. She shouldn't have been, and Lauren was pretty sure she knew that. "You didn't even hit me and look at all this." Lauren said in a small voice. "This is all so material, this stuff, these little things mean nothing. It's to do with you Camila, I trusted you to never hurt me." "I didn't, not this time." "You say that like there will be a next time and I can't have a next time, I can't deal with anymore next times." "I promise you won't have to Lauren. I'll have anger management if I have to, if that'll help you feel safer. You're more than I deserve, I know that. Even if you decide enough is enough and you can't take the risk of it, of me, please forgive me." Lauren swallowed thickly and she squeezed the small cream bear Camila had given her in her hands. Despite the fact that it was stitched, Lauren somehow found it strange and almost remarkable it's smile never faltered. Camila's on the other hand was non existent in this moment. She was so scared and sad to even think she might lose the only girl, the only person she ever really loved. "I forgive you, moron, of course I forgive you." Lauren smiled gently and opened her arms. Camila let out a sob of relief and jumped gladly into her wife's arms. Lauren hugged her back and trained her eyes on the I'm sorry bear, she had seen them many times before with her last girlfriend, she had enough to fill up a bedroom, and they all had the same smile. Lauren wasn't wearing her smile while she hugged Camila, she kept her straight face as she stared at the bear. She couldn't even count how many she had been given, sometimes it had been up to three or four a day. "You're tense. What's the matter Lauren? Are-Are you sure we're okay? Camila quickly pulled back and watched as Lauren held the bear away from her with watery eyes. "I've seen so many of these before, and nothing changed." Lauren whispered. "It already has." "That same, sick, sick, stupid little damn smile. They all have the same look and it's like they all just taunt me now. What does an apology even mean to anyone about anything anymore?" Lauren ranted. Camila only found herself watching as Lauren's eyes burned with hatred. Whether that pure hatred was aimed at what she had done or what memories she had triggered in her wife, Camila wasn't sure. "I'll never ever hurt you again Lauren Jauregui, I swear that to you." Camila said as she took Lauren's flailing arms and stared into her lonely, scared eyes. "Lexa said that too." "But I'm not Lexa. I'm Camila Jauregui, I'm your wife, I'm not your ex girlfriend." Lauren's eyes watered and her lips quivered. "I'm Camila, I am your loving wife, your wife who would never mean to harm you in any shape, form, or manner, ever Lolo. I promise you, no more hurt." Camila kept a tight grip on her wrists to stop Lauren from hurting herself as she had been to try and push back the memories of her previous beatings from years ago. And of course, that's when Dinah came in. "Get away from her!" She screamed at Camila, and instantly Lauren panicked and buried herself into Camila's body. "N-no more." She cried. "Dinah I was protecting her!" Camila hissed. Dinah put the food down and hurried to her best friend but Lauren backed away and forcefully pushed Camila back too since she was in her arms. "What the hell is going on?" Dinah demanded to know. "She's having flashbacks Dinah. You just scared the shit out of Lauren. Don't crowd her, just take a step back." Dinah reluctantly did as Camila said. Lauren clung onto Camila tightly as she came back to reality and jumped back from her hold. "You're safe now baby, it's okay." Camila whispered, holding her shoulders with the gentlest touch so as not to alarm her. All Camila could focus on was Lauren. Lauren took in a deep breath and buried herself back in Camila's chest. Camila was forgiven, all was well, they were okay. "I-I do know Camz, I know you're not her." Camila kissed the top of her head and rested her chin on top of it. "Good. I love you so much Lauren." Lauren mumbled a very shaky "I love you too Camz." into Camila's tear stained jumper. Dinah sent a hesitant look Camila's way, even if Lauren forgave Camila, it appeared Dinah was a different story. Camila tucked Lauren into bed when she fell asleep after dinner and as soon as she came out she was met with Dinah. "I don't care what you say to try to defend yourself from earlier, I don't care at all, I want you gone, now." Dinah said firmly and Camila was admittedly scared. "Lauren forgave me, why can't you do the same? Dinah, nothing happened." "No, but it could have, now Karla, get, out." Dinah said in a way that Camila felt a shiver run down her spine. "Tell her I love her if she asks for me in the night." Camila said before she headed for the door, the Polynesian closely behind her to make sure she actually leaves. "Do you? Mani would never hurt me and she loves me just as much as you love Lauren. The only difference is that you hit her once and nearly again today. I won't let you hurt her again." "But I wouldn't have hit her." "She's staying with me and you're not seeing her for the next week. Don't come to the appointment, if I see you there tomorrow I'll actually chuck you out myself." "I'm not staying away from her. She's my wife." "She was my best friend long, long before she was your wife." "She's not an object, she's a person and she deserves to be treated as such and make her own choices!" Camila argued and Lauren smiled at the top of the stairs before she came down and took Camila's hand. "How the hell are you buying this?" Dinah scoffed. Lauren pecked her wife's lips and smiled. "Thanks Camz, and Dinah, Camila's right. You can't dictate who I am and what I do. This is down to me, Camila's my wife, I love her. I forgive her, and she didn't really do anything wrong. She got pissed because I didn't tell her what she had a right to know," Lauren said gently as she looked over at Camila. "If you wanted to know that bad I should have thought about it a bit more than I had done. I'm sorry for that babe." Dinah looked up to the heavens above. "I can't believe what I'm hearing." "It's fine, you were only thinking of me." "It finally dawns on her." "And I shouldn't have tried to hurt you again." "It's okay Camz." "No it's not!" "Shall we go home now?" Camila offered and Dinah was quick to pull her best friend back. "No way! No, she's staying. You're leaving." "Are you kicking her out?" Lauren did a double take. "Yup!" Camila looked hurt but pecked Lauren's lips. "Camz I-" "It's okay, goodnight Lauren." Lauren stared at her in shock. "You cannot be serious." She looked at Dinah, who did look incredibly serious. "Uh, Goodnight DJ." Camila mumbled shyly. Dinah just opened the door wide open and guided her out before slamming the door shut behind her. "Dinah!" Lauren shouted, obviously displeased. "You're a fool, Lauren Michelle." The Polynesian shook her head before going upstairs, passing Lauren. Lauren scoffed and left herself, she didn't want to be around her best friend right now. When she knocked on the door Normani came home and smiled at Lauren, giving her a hug. "You're back really late." Lauren noticed. "I had somewhere to be." The dark skinned girl brushed it off and let them both inside. "Normani?!" Camila called. "And company!" Normani called back. Camila poked her head around to see who it was and smiled when she saw Lauren, Lauren smiled widely and wrapped her arms around her waist. "You've probably really pissed Dinah off." Camila said as she stared into her favourite eyes. "That's her problem. I'm not a fool, I'm just in love." Lauren said in a cheesy voice. "Maybe you're both." Camila quipped as she kissed her nose. "Maybe." Lauren agreed as she nuzzled her face into her wife's neck and smiled to herself. "You'll miss her tomorrow, go back and sort it out." Camila urged. "No." Lauren refused. "Lauren." Camila said impatiently. "I said no!" Lauren refused again, louder. "You're not even supposed to be here, Dinah will kill me if she finds out." "So? I make my own choices, even you said that!" Lauren pointed out confidently. "Just go and do it Lauren, for God's sake!" Camila said letting go of the girl. "I don't have to do what you say." Lauren rolled her eyes. Camila saw red, her father's voice in her head. Go on, hit her. It made me feel great. Before Camila knew it, she was on top of Lauren with balled up fists and Lauren looked petrified with a split lip and a bloody nose. Normani was holding her back as Lauren scrambled up and ran to their room. "You, you have some explaining to do Camila." Normani seethed. "I-I can't." "What's the matter with you?!" "I'm c-crazy." Camila croaked. Lauren stood at the front door with Normani, a blood and tear stained face, tear filled eyes, and a packed bag. "I-Is it okay if I go and stay with Dinah for a while?" Lauren quievered. "Of course it is babe." Normani pulled her into a hug to which Lauren flinched back slightly before she melted into her hold. "Take care of Camz too, please." Normani was surprised at her friend's words but she nodded to her request nevertheless. "I will." Normani whispered before she kissed her temple. "Hey and good luck tomorrow at chemo, we'll be thinking of you." Lauren nodded shyly, wheeling her bag behind her, putting it into the car and she drove over to Dinah's with sobs escaping her lips. This felt all too familiar to her. Camila sat on their bed crying with Normani consoling her as best she could. She knew something wasn't right with Camila, she knew her friend would never hit Lauren in her right state of mind. This wasn't who she was. Lauren knocked on the door with shaky hands. Dinah opened the door sleepily and took in Lauren's appearance. "Go on, say it. Say you told me so." Dinah shook her head, pulling her best friend into her arms. "I-I should have listened t-to you." Lauren cried into her chest. "It's not your fault, and listen Camila's not herself. That girl just needs to work on herself before you get together again, because I know, we all know that this isn't what your relationship is." Dinah rubbed her back, speaking her mind. "C-can I stay for a bit?" Lauren sniffled and Dinah rubbed her cheeks with her thumbs as she cupped her face. "Of course you can babe." "It feels like Alexa all over again." Lauren admitted sadly. "It's gonna be okay baby, I promise." Dinah kissed the top of Lauren's forehead, playing with her hair. "I love her." Lauren croaked. "She loves you too, you're just going through some stuff." "Remember what I always said about life?" Lauren whispered after a few minutes of silence. "To live it to the fullest because it's temporary, yeah I do. Why do you ask?" Dinah questioned. "What if marrying her was a mistake?" "No, you guys are made for each other." "But we changed, hell, she changed.." "Everyone changes." Dinah pointed out, she wasn't disputing her friend's behaviour though. "But Dinah what if..what if we're temporary?"

It's not always gonna be rainbows and sunshine in their relationship, who are you kidding?