Nagising ako na masakit ang buo kong katawan.
I stood dazed and confused.
What had just happened, I thought I was dreaming. I prayed I was dreaming.
Suddenly I felt a bit damp on my womanhoód.
It was real!
I burst into tears nang maalala ko ang nang...
It is nearly impossible to describe the depth of pain I have right now because of his decision. Decision to leave me. He chose to be with his other woman.
I had never felt so disappointed, diminished and humiliated before.
I was raped. Pero feeling ko nga, mas triple pa ang sakit ngayon kaysa noong nagahasa ako.
I wanted to understand him, to put myself in his shoes but I just felt dirty.
People are supposed to be born with a conscience.
There is right. There is wrong. There is no in-between.
If I were to be asked, I never would have had the nerve to live a double life, to constantly lie to the person who love me truly, and most importantly, hindi ko pagtataksilan ang asawa ko. Because for me, that's cowardness, vulgar and unforgivable.
Pero iba si Dan. Nagawa niya akong iwan. Kami ng magiging anak namin.
Ngayon, sinasabi ng isip ko, hindi ko pa pala talaga lubos na kilala ang napangasawa ko.
He left me grieving!
They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
I wanted to pass through all the stages as quickly as I could, rush the whole process and forget this had ever happened to me. But that's not how it ever goes.
I felt everything at once.
My body physically ached. My chest heaved with sobs. Snot dripped into my mouth. I couldn't stop crying!
I begged God to make the pain stop. I cried a lot.
I wonder kung paanong hindi ako maubusan ng luha the fact that I've been crying for almost two weeks!
"Chequi."
Dahan-dahan akong napalingon sa may pintuan ng kuwartong tinutulogan ko.
"Halika muna."
I shed my tears at nilapitan ko si Nanay Luz.
Nakaakbay ito sa akin habang bumababa kami sa hagdan.
Tumigil kami sa 3rd floor. Binuksan nito ang pintuan ng isang kuwarto.
"Tara sa loob." Sabi nito.
Napanganga ako nang makapasok kami.
It's an entertainment room!
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Napakalaki!
Namilog ang mga mata ko nang madako ang paningin ko sa isang buffet table.
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