People plan, life happens

Chapter thirty four:

I'm stronger,

Than I've been before.

Christina's POV:

The next month flew by quickly, and soon Scarlet was four weeks old and Owen was heading back into work. I still had another four weeks of maternity leave, which sucked, but I knew that I was currently still sore and tired and in no shape to be operating.

"I'll be home before you know it" Owen kissed me, and then Scarlet, before heading out the door that morning. I had a plan, I knew it'd be okay without Owen here, but still even I knew I couldn't do everything alone and I would eventually need his help.

"Alrightie" I say to Scarlet "we have a schedule, we're sticking to it" I knew the best way to get babies sleep trained and used to their surroundings was to get them on a schedule, right down to the last diaper change. I'd spent two hours the night before writing up a very detailed and fool-proof plan for our very first day alone and I knew it was going to work.

"Six am feeding and then back to bed sound good to you?" I ask her, picking her up from her bassinet and walking out to the kitchen. Last night, I'd also took the liberty of pre-mixing and labeling all of her bottles for the day, so I only had to pop them in the bottle warmer when she needed one.

It was ironic that four weeks ago, I was terrified of breaking Scarlet because she seemed so small and fragile, and now I was balancing her in one arm as I heated the bottle with the other.

When it was ready, I went back to Owen and I's room to rock her in the rocking chair and feed her. Scarlet slept in our room for now, just until she was big enough to be in her own crib. For now, she was waking up too often and she was too small to be in her big crib alone.

The first three hours of the schedule went amazingly well. She ate on time, slept on time and was changed on time. She didn't fuss or cry which was pretty great considering one of the worst things in the world was a crying baby at six in the morning.

I was pretty confident that I had this in the bag without Owen, considering I had even managed to fold some laundry and do some dishes while Scarlet slept.

But around nine am or so, things took a pretty rough turn.

She woke up an hour earlier than planned, which I didn't mind too much. She was probably just bored or not as tired as I thought she'd be. I put down the cereal I was eating (I was starving) and went to go get her from her bassinet.

"Shh it's alright" I cooed, picking her up and bringing her to the kitchen. I put her in her swing while I attempt to eat, but she just keeps on screaming and screaming and screaming. I think maybe her stomach is hurting, so I eat with one hand and pat her stomach with the other. She calms some, but is still pretty upset.

Sighing, I decide to feed her an hour early in hopes that she'd just been hungry. She drinks the milk like an alcoholic and then promptly spits up everywhere, on herself, on the floor and all over me.

And then she screams more.

I quickly wipe up the floor with a rag, and then bring her to the nursery to change her into some clean pj's before putting her in her bouncy chair so I could get just a quick shower (or a rinse off, God knows I wouldn't have time for much more than that).

She screamed the entire time, causing me to have to get out quickly and jump into some clothes. I picked her up, her crying ceased, but the second I put her down she screamed again. I put her in her stroller and started walking down the hallway in hopes that would help, but she just screamed more and more until her little face was red. After about two hours of constant screaming, she was tired out and fell asleep.

I had no clue what in the name of hell I was doing wrong to make her scream, but decided not to question it since she was finally asleep and I could sleep too.

By twelve o'clock, she's up and screaming again.

I change her, feed her another bottle, and then do my best to get her to calm down. I place her on her tummy and pat her back, I place her on her back and rub her tummy, I walk her up and down the hallway in her stroller, I bounce her bouncy chair, I swaddle her, I unswaddle her, I play stupid ass nursery rhymes, I even went as far as to put her in the Mamaroo death trap thing Owen insisted we get before she was born.

Nothing worked.

Well, besides her lungs anyway.

She eventually cries herself wear again a few hours later, and sleeps until I wake her up to eat. Of course, she started to scream the second her bottle was gone and I put her in her bouncy chair.

I didn't know what to do with her, I was exhausted and starving and the house was an absolute mess. I had no clothes that weren't covered in puke, every fork in the kitchen was dirty and she wouldn't stop crying long enough for me to do anything.

Eventually, I started to cry along with her.

That's how Owen found me when he got home from work at about nine o'clock or so, I was sitting on top of the dryer (which was on, I heard somewhere that the dryer calms colicky babies) with Scarlet in her car seat in front of me, screaming.

"She hates me" I wailed "she won't stop screaming, I haven't slept or eaten or done anything all day because no matter what I do, she keeps screaming" tears are running down my face, and I realize that maybe I'm just not a good Mother, maybe she knows that and hates me for it.

Owen turns off the dryer and rocks the car seat, where our little red faced daughter screams on. He rubs my back and asks me what I tried to get her to calm down, and I list off every damn thing I've done since nine this morning.

"Well" Owen asks "you tried all these different things, but did you ever just try holding her?"

It dawned on me that I never, I didn't think just holding her would help all that much. I held her when she ate, but that was it, and she seemed to be the most content at those times.

"Here" Owen hands her to me, and I swear the second her little head hits my chest she's quiet. She stays quiet as I hold her, and I look at Owen smiling.

"She doesn't hate me" I feel relieved upon saying it, which is weird, but I was just so glad she was content and she didn't hate me.

"No" Owen smiles "she just wanted to be close to you"

A/N- i loved writing this, soo sweet.

there will be another chapter following this, as I did promise a double update since i posted a AN chapter.

thanks for reading!

vote and comment!

~Daisy