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32

( CELTICS )

MOONDOOR CAMP
[ ☼ ]

Renaissance music plays at a medieval camp. People in costumes pretend to fight with mock weapons, a woman plays a harp, and many others talk and stroll outside tents. Colorful banners bear various crests and signs point the way to the dungeon, privies and stockade. A large banner reads "Moondoor: The Battle of Kingdoms."

Dean and Sam in their FBI suits look at the scene and then at each other. "I, Boltar the Furious, bind you..." A Man says. We see a close-up of a Man in Stocks. He has large fake ears and bad teeth. "...to this stock..." The camera pans out and we see Boltar addressing the Man in Stocks. "...so that all of Moondoor may see you for what you are – a thief." Sam and Dean pause to watch.

"My Shadow Orc brethren will descend from the Black Hills and the tents of Mo–" The Orc's fake teeth fall out of his mouth and onto the ground. He and Boltar look at each other.

"Uh, hold." Boltar spreads his arms as if to stop the action, then picks up the Orc's fake teeth and brushes them off.

"Thanks, Gerry. Sorry." Orc says.

"Yeah, no problem, Monty."

Boltar puts Orc's fake teeth back into his mouth. Orc gives Boltar a thumbs-up. "Resume." Boltar says.

"And the tents of Moondoor will be bathed in blood as we unseat the queen of the Moons from the throne she stole from the rightful heir – the Shadow King. And you –" Orc starts.

Boltar throws a red bean bag at Orc, hitting him in the forehead. "Silentium! Serve your time with honor, heathen. And if you need to use the chamber pot, stomp your feet thrice." Boltar walks away.

"Excuse me. Hi. Uh, you are a LARPer, yeah?" Dean asks.

"I prefer the term 'interactive literaturist'." Boltar says.

"Right. Uh, I am Special Agent Rosewood. This is special Agent Taggart and Hills." Dean, Elena and Sam hold up their FBI badges.

"Hold!" Boltar puts down the hood of his costume and speaks in an everyday voice. "Um, guys, we're not doing the whole genre-mash-up thing this weekend. We only do that every third month."

"The..." Elena starts.

"Come again?" Sam asks.

"Your fake badges, the cheap suits. It's very cool. I get it. Your characters are FBI agents that somehow traveled to Moondoor, but I'm telling you it's just – it's straight-up Moondoor this weekend."

"These aren't fake badges." Sam says.

"Uh, yeah, they are, and they're..." Boltar takes Sam's badge. "...very good, but, um, well, the I.D. number shifted to 10 digits with, uh, two letters mixed in at the end of the year, and, uh, the seal's from last month. Really good work." He hands Sam's badge back. "It's just – it's a tournament weekend, okay guys, so you got to follow the rules. If there's no rules – chaos." He puts his hood back up and speaks in a stage voice. "Resume. If you would like to join the army of Moons, the queen is always on the lookout for new squires."

"Yes. Right. Uh, we would like to see your queen now, please." Dean says.

"Well, the queen's calendar is booked up months in advance. But if you wish to witness what's in store for you in her army, her highness is overseeing new squires on the pitch as we speak."