The (not so) Sweet Serendipity

14.3

ELMO

I couldn't believe it when Maine said yes and became my girlfriend. As in, yung tuwa at gulat ko, sana hindi niya nahalata sobrang gulat ako kasi hindi ko talaga inakala I could call her mine. My Maine.

It was a personal decision why I didn't want to talk about past relationships. It wasn't that I had something to hide but because I somewhat had an idea already what happened to her past relationship with this guy she grew up with.

I don't want to sound creepy that I stalked her or did a background check on her, but I just wanted to know so bad without having to ask her because I saw what it did to her. She was that easy to read. Everyday when she came in to work. I saw how broken she was and how I wanted so bad to just go and offer to repair her.

I asked Kenneth and Kenneth told me the important bits; no dropping of names because I felt that was too much of an invasion of her privacy or something. I didn't want to know too much. He said he's only telling me this because he saw that somehow I am making Maine happy again. I appreciated that because I somewhat regret that I know what happened to her because it made me feel that I was competing with someone from her past and wala ata akong laban dun. I was getting insecure with her ex boyfriend, I am so weird. So I made sure I would be the best boyfriend.

They all said she's moved on naman and I can see that she has also. She has proven it even before we became a couple and I couldn't be more proud of her and at how strong she is and she doesn't even know it.

I wasn't only competing with the ex boyfriend when it came to Maine but also when it came to her parents. I already knew that their families were close but I didn't know how much until I met her parents. That's when I learned that the guy had a name, Richard. They were lovely people but I saw their fondness to this Richard, I could hear it in the tone of their voices. It's not that they were being rude to me, it was just so normal to them already that it just came out naturally.

I love Maine so much. I was going to fight for her and what we have. She would say she loves me too and know this was the truth. I know she loves me too, I never doubted that. But I don't think I can ever have all of Maine. She would never say this straight to me, but I knew Maine could only give so much because, again she may never admit this, her heart is reserved for someone else and I would kill to be that someone.

Don't get me wrong, I was ready to wait for her to be able to fully give her whole heart to me and I appreciate her already that she was still giving me all that she could. I didn't take it against her nor did I blame her. This was not her fault. So I didn't want to force her too much also. I was content with what we had. But nothing prepared me for some instances that she herself won't even remember or know she has said and done.

There was a time when we went out for dinner and drinks. Maine got so drunk. I was starting to get drunk too but I started to control my drinks when I noticed that Maine was really getting wasted. I let her because I feel like she deserves to let loose and just enjoy. I was used to taking care of drunk people anyway, what more the girl I love so dearly. We were seated next to each other when she turned to face me. God, this girl's beauty is breath taking and I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I was about to kiss her when she suddenly poked my left cheek over and over. I found this cute at first to be honest. I thought she was just playing with my face and again I let her. Whatever to make my Maine happy. But then she would add, "Ilabas mo na yan, sakin mo pa ba itatago. Mas cute ka pag labas dimple."

I would catch myself looking at the mirror the next few days and force a dimple to suddenly appear in my cheeks. Wala talaga eh.

In a different instance, I would find Maine drunk again and I would, as always, take care of her. I drove her home and put her to sleep on her bed. I just stared at her. I love this girl so much. When I was about to leave, she would speak up.

"Wait. Don't leave me." So as she wished, I didn't and walked back to her. She was holding out her hand for me, so I held it. "Dito ka lang, tabihan mo ko." She was so cute. Again, as she wished, I did. Tinabihan ko siya and the moment I did, she hugged me like I was her pillow then fell back to sleep. I was in my happy place. I tried to stay awake as long as I could because I was enjoying this peaceful moment between us. That's when I knew, this girl has got me. Well, she had always already gotten me a long time ago. This time, it just sealed it. This is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.

This moment thought won't last because in her sleep, she'd hug me tighter. I smiled at this and even thought I could get used to this. Then she whispered quietly with her eyes closed, "I miss you so much, Chard." One could barely hear her words but there were no mistaking them, they sounded loud and clear to me. I swallowed, but couldn't stop the tears from coming. I then just kissed her head and closed my eyes. What a pang to my heart that was. I felt my chest tighten and my heart broke that night. All dreams and hopes for our future shattered.

I didn't tell anyone about this. I kept it to myself. Not even in the morning when my Maine wakes up and cooks breakfast for me as a thank you for taking care of her. I never mentioned anything to her either. I act as if nothing happened. I don't think I like Maine when she's drunk. I don't like drunk Maine at all. Drunk words are sober thoughts. I try so hard to erase those memories and try to replace them of our happy times together instead but failed. I couldn't.

I said I was going to do all that it takes and wait for her no matter how long. It took me awhile to actually connect the dots and when I did, I didn't expect how much it hurt. As much as I love Maine, god knows how much I love her, dapat ko nang tanggapin that she can never give me her heart whole. Her heart will never be whole for me. I can never hate Maine, I can never unlove her also but nothing could have prepared me for this. I know she was going to choose me and I didn't want her to make that choice right now.

At the same time, I didn't want to break her. I know she worked so hard to pick herself up again and I refuse to be the one to step on that and break those walls she spent so long putting up. So I had to do the only thing I could think of that would be good for the both of us. I applied for a job abroad.

When I got accepted and already had a date of departure, I told no one about this but decided to tell only Maine's parents. I asked them not to tell Maine of my decision, also I told them the real reason why I was leaving. This was out of respect to them and despite it all, they accepted me into their lives and treated me as their own. Also, I wanted to make sure that Maine had the right support, and from who else will she get the perfect support from but her parents. They will never ever leave and abandon her like what I was about to do but I believe this was for the best. But to be honest, I think the reason I told Maine's parents was for my sake the most. I broke down in front of them and that was exactly the outlet I needed. I will forever appreciate them for being there with me and that somehow comforted me.

I spent my last night with Maine and our last night together I will treasure the most. I hope that she finds her happiness. For now, I have to let go of my happiness for her to be able to try to find hers. I love her so much that I let her go.

There was no question that Maine loved me too. But no matter what I do or no matter how long, I don't think I can ever have all of Maine. I knew Maine could only give so much and she gave me all that she could, that was enough to help me move forward. But her heart, it's reserved for someone else. Lord, what I would give to be that someone.

All I want is for Maine to be fully happy. I love you forever Maine, for at least trying and in someway choosing me.

Who kows, maybe in the future, we will find each other again and hopefully then for us, the timing will be right.

The moment our paths cross once more, I will make you mine again and I will not let you go twice. Here's to whatever lies ahead.

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So that's what happened to them. Ang sakit no? I actually feel for Elmo...

I had so much feels while writing this. It was fun but sad also.

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it.