The (not so) Sweet Serendipity

16.2

Reminder: This chapter will be all on Richard's perspective.

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What happened that night did not help at all. I dreamt of her. I dreamt that it was our wedding day. My beautiful bride was walking down the aisle. When it was time to kiss the bride, I lift my wife's veil, then I saw it was Menggay. Then that was it. I woke up sweaty and out of breath.

This will be one of the many nights I will start dreaming of her and this will go on every night. I won't be surprised if someone would even tell me that I call her name in my sleep. The thing that's bothering me is that I'm not complaining, I'm actually really liking it and I find that as it becomes more frequent, I'm actually looking forward to my sleep.

God, what is happening to me? Ever since I thought of proposing to Louise, I suddenly can't stop thinking of Meng... and it's making me miss her... again.

Out of curiosity and trying to figure out what's been going on with me, I subtly ask our friends any updates with her. I hope they didn't become suspicious or anything. I tried to be really casual about it.

So there Richard okay, may boyfriend siya, last year pa naging sila, di nga siya umuuwi dahil dun, mas gusto niya dun kasama boyfriend niya at pareho silang lawyers. Remind lang kita, may girlfriend ka Richard. Siya yung pinili mo, panindigan mo, matagal mo na nga napapanindigan at masaya kayo. Masaya ka na, masaya siya, masaya lahat.

Okay, so nothing's changed with her. She sounds okay, wala naman ata nangyari sakanya. Ako lang ata talaga 'tong may problema.

I thought all of a sudden that I could've easily just send her a message and ask her myself how she's doing. Assuming she didn't change and is still using the same number. But who am I kidding. As if naman ganun lang kadali yun. Ayaw naman ata niya ako makausap. I might just be the last person she would want to be talking to or catching up with.

We have both moved on with our lives. What am I doing? What am I planning to do? If I am planning anything stupid, please don't. Huwag mo nang guluhin Richard.

Louise noticed that I was very distracted these past few months. As you can see, there was no one I could open up to about this so I had a hard time coping.

We actually had a big fight just recently. I accidentally called her "Meng". Tangina ko talaga, off all names naman. I tried to get away with it pero hindi eh, ang clear ng pagkasabi ko eh. I said I was sorry and there was no excuse, nagkamali lang talaga ako. Alangan naman sabihin ko, sorry babe nagkamali ako kasi I've been having random dreams and thoughts about my ex girlfriend. Hay Richard, umayos ka na nga.

I had to assure her over and over that I just made a mistake and it won't happen again. But I know she wasn't truly convinced. I have never ever called her Meng even by accident. I mean, why would I? It didn't help that there was a family dinner coming up and she heard that Meng was going to be there and she couldn't make it because of prior commitments. She really wanted to be there, I guess cause of that slip up she thinks that Meng is the reason why I've been so distracted. She is half right though, I will give her that. But it's not what she thinks.

Another problem I still haven't figured out is I still can't buy that freakin' ring. I have been to the shop several times already, same things happen, same thoughts come, and the same face appears. I even tried just saying Louise's name in my head over and over. I tried so hard to think of her. I failed miserably.

Ever since, I thought of marrying Louise and having somewhat an idea of how I was going to propose, the memories started to come back, our dreams and our supposed future together. If I told my family, baka umasa lang sila lalo na magkakabalikan kami. If I told my friends, magmumukha akong gago.

The worst part of it is that because of this, I find myself starting to question, if I should even marry Louise? Parang kasing may pumipigil na hindi ko maintindihan. But no, why have all these doubts now? Why can't I see Louise in my future?

Those rumors pa of my proposal going around really isn't helping. Everything is just going against me now and its driving me crazy. Everyone might already be expecting of my proposal during our reunion. Ayoko namang mapahiya si Louise.

I tell her I love her but even I am starting to doubt it.

I will be honest I have had doubts before especially when I see Menggay again, even just a glimpse of her or a mention of her from our family and friends. But there's something different about this time. I can't just shove them back and bury them. In the past, easily I could just ignore all of these. Why can't I do the same now? This has also been the longest time that I have been bothered with it, before two weeks tops then I find myself okay again.