MY JERK EX-HUSBAND

11.2

Brix's POV

"ano ba naman kasing kashungahan ang sumapi sayo, tignan mo tuloy nangyari diyan sa kamay mo, nasisiraan ka na ba talaga??" pangaral ni Kyra habang nilalagyan ng benda yung kamay ko,

kanina pa siya salita ng salita, hindi ko nalang pinapansin,

I'm busy thinking and planning of any way on what will I'm going to do to win Harrah back,

I need to make it up to her first, kailangan ko munang makabawi sa lahat ng nagawa kong kasalanan sa kanya,

I'm sure it'll not be as easy as that, madami akong kasalanan sa kanya at pagkukulang sa kanila ng anak namin,

maybe dying right here right now will still not going to be enough to pay what I've done to her,

"hoy lalaki, nakikinig ka ba?!!" she squeezed my hand,

"ouch!! what the-- " nilayo ko agad yung kamay kong may sugat sa kanya, that hurts,

"ano, masakit no?? pero kung makasuntok ka kanina parang wala lang ah, kita mo ngayon.."

I just rolled my eyes on her,

though she's somehow right, I didn't felt any pain minutes ago while punching the wall,

all I can only imagine was Harrah's face, her tears and cries 7 years ago, yung mga pagmamakaawa niyang kahit kelan hindi ko pinakinggan because I was too blind by my anger,

I close my eyes tight, this is all my fault, ako ang dahilan kung bakit siya nagkaroon ng psychological trauma, alam kong dahil yun sa lahat ng pananakit na nagawa ko sa kanya noon,

if I could just bring back the time,

I can feel overflowing guilt right now, I know its too late for me to feel this way, I don't even deserve any single drop of her forgiveness but what can I do??

I really do love her, I can't just let her go, I need her.. I need her and Kyle..

I want to fix what I broke 7 years ago but I don't know how,

"can you explain what psychological trauma is??" I asked Kyra,

I'm not that idiot or what, I just want to clearly hear the details so that I can control myself whenever she's around and for me to know my limitations, especially now that I already know her condition, I don't want to scare her again,

"hayy, okay fine, I think hindi pa naman ganun kalala yung case ni Harrah, biruin mong natiis niya pang makasama ka dito sa dati niyong bahay?? so yun nga, mostly kasing kilalang kong may case na ganyan na dinadala sa hospital is yung mga malala na, suicidal na yung karamihan sa kanila pero mukhang wala pa naman sa ganung stage si Harrah, malapit palang, hindi pa naman siya yung nanginginig at nagwawala kapag nakikita ka, nagka-nervous breakdown lang talaga siya nung hinawakan mo na siya at pinilit.." mahabang paliwanag niya,

yumuko ako at inabot yung envelope na nakapatong sa center table,

this is my only hope pero hindi ko muna to pwedeng gamitin sa ngayon, I need to fix everything between us first,

"can I do something for her?? should I bring her to a psychiatrist then??"

"sira, hindi pa nababaliw si Harrah no, ikaw lang yung baliw dito, anggulo mo, hindi talaga kita maintindihan, you know what, dapat naisip mo yan para sa sarili mo noon eh, naku, kung hindi ko rin lang alam yung pinagdaanan mo the past 5 years hindi talaga kita tutulungan, lalo na kapag naaalala ko lahat ng kabulastugan mo noon kay Harrah.." umiiling na sabi niya,

"shut up and just tell me what to do.." she's really nosy,

"sungit, eto na nga eh, ahm.. just be gentle to her, wag mo na ulit siyang sasaktan.." of course I won't do the same mistakes again, "and wag kang gagawa ng mga bagay na makakapagpaalala sa kanya sa past, like kapag umuuwi ka ng lasing, umiinom ka ng alak, hangga't maaari kahit takip ng bote ng alak wag niyang makita, wag mo ding ipapakita sa kanya yung mga bagay na ginagamit mo para saktan siya noon, I still remember sa mga kwento niya dati yung belt and yung baso ng alak.. don't yell and shout at her, don't let her see when you're mad.."

nakinig lang ako kay Kyra the whole time, its already 2am in the morning but I don't mind it,

I need to know every details about Harrah's condition, I want her to be fine and I will do everything for her to achieve it,

4am na nung matapos si Kyra sa pagpapaliwanag saken ng mga dapat at hindi ko dapat gawin, umalis na rin siya after that at dumiretso naman ako sa kwarto ni Harrah,

lumapit ako sa kanya at umupo sa gilid ng kama, mahimbing na yung tulog niya,

I can't help but to stare at her angelic face, she's really beautiful inside and out at hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko yun nakita noon,

nilapit ko yung mukha ko sa kanya and gently kiss her on her forehead, hindi ko to nagagawa kapag gising siya pero madalas ko tong gawin kada mapapadaan ako sa kwarto nila ni Kyle at tulog na sila,

yun lang naman ang kaya kong gawin eh, lalo na ngayon na hindi na muna ako pwedeng masyadong lumapit sa kanya,

idinikit ko yung noo ko sa gilid ng noo niya,

"I'm sorry, I love you.." bulong ko,

I won't going to force you to love me back but I won't give-up, I promise to do everything I can to make you mine again,

I'm willing.. Harrah.. I'm willing to let you go if that's what you want but please.. give me this chance first..