your not my mum...

Chapter 59

*Niall's P.O.V*

Today, Liam and abi promised to take care of Scarlett so Bella and I could go shopping. They we going to be here is 30 minutes and I was already up with Scarlett. She wanted her pacifier. But with my luck, I couldn't find it. "Mama" Scarlett said quietly pointing to Bella and my room. "No Scarlett. I can find it" I whispered. "Dada. Ma- mama has" she said again widening her bluey green eyes. "Princess. I can find it. Just shh" I said and put a finger to her mouth. She pointed to our room again. I walked down stairs and she started struggling. I turned her around and looked at her. "What?" I asked in a baby voice. The one Bella loves so much.

She pointed to the room again. I slowly walked up stairs and opened the door. Bella was still asleep, so I walked in and put Scarlett on the ground to try and find the pacifier. I looked everywhere. Under the clothes, in the bathroom, and on the bed. But nothing. Scarlett was next to Bella on the ground and was looking up at Bella. I looked at her and she pointed. I saw the pacifier. "Hey bubba. What are you doing up?" Bella asked tiredly to Scarlett. "Mama" she squealed. "Do you want your pacifier?" She asked. She nodded her head and put her arms out. "Come here" she said and picked her up. "Sorry for waking you love" I said and walked over and sat on the bed. "It's okay. I need to get up anyway. Liam and Abi will be here soon" she said and she kissed my cheek. "Do you wanna have a shower first?" I asked her. "Can we have a shower together?" She asked. "What about Scarlett?" I asked. "She is asleep. We can put her in the crib" she said with pleading eyes. "Hmm yeah I guess. I'll get the shower started" I said and walked into the shower.

Bella came in shortly after and we both got cleaned. When we got out, I noticed a cut on her arm. "Bella, what's that from?" I asked. "Oh I got cut the other day" she said. I let it go for now. But I'm not letting it go forever. We got dressed and Bella put a pair of washed out jeans on and a grey singlet on with a black cardigan, and black vans. I put on my black jeans, black vans and greeny brown oval neck shirt. Just then the door bell rang and I heard Liam and abi talking to Bella. Liam walked upstairs and abi and Bella stayed downstairs. I got Liam and pulled him to the side.

"Shh" I said and tried to listen to abi and Bella talk. Maybe abi knows. "Are you okay?" Abi asked. "It's getting kind of easy" Bella said exhaling deeply. "You know you can call me" abi said. "I know.... I just.... I don't want everyone thinking I'm not coping... I am I ju-" abi cut her out. "Bella! Cutting itsnt coping" abi whisper yelled. I felt a tear roll down my face. Liam looked at me and pulled me into the room. He just hugged me and I started crying.

*Bella's P.O.V*

It's been really difficult without Jarrod. Mum and dad call me constantly, the girls are on my case 24/7 cause Niall said I'm not eating, but I am and Niall is always asking if I'm okay. I know he is being there for me, but I... I don't know. I miss jarrod so much. He was my older brother, and now he won't see his little boy grow up let alone be born. And now jake and Jarrod. I haven't really been coping that well. I used my acrylic nail to cut my arm and told Niall I hit it the other day, but he and I both know I'm bad a lying but he seemed to believe me. Abi and Ashlee are the only ones who know, and I want to keep it that way. I know it will get easier, but right now, I feel like it's my only option.

Liam and abi knocked on the door and I answered it and let them in. "Niall's up stairs if you want to talk to him" I said and he went up stairs. Abi came up to me and hugged me. She held my shoulders. "Are you okay?" She asked. I felt like breaking down, but Liam and Niall were upstairs. I thought of my words carefully. "It's getting kind of easy" I said and exhaled. "You know you can call me" she said. But I always knew I could call her. And Ashlee, Madie, Joseanne, Niall, Harry, Liam and everyone else. But I would when I'm ready. "I know... I just... I don't want everyone thinking I'm not coping... I am I ju-" has cut me out. "Bella! Cutting isn't coping!" She whisper yelled.