Our Secrets Will Kill Us // Oliver Sykes

Chapter Thirty Nine: Goodbye My Love, You're In My Heart

Title Credit: It Was Written In Blood by Bring Me The Horizon

Song: Death Valley by Fall Out Boy

Amelia~

*Four Years Later*

Free.

The only word I use when people ask why I always go running is free. The feeling of having the cool air hit against my skin and the music blasting through my headphones is one of the best feelings I've ever experienced in my entire life. It's almost as good as sex.

Almost.

A few weeks after Lelanie was born, Alex and I moved back to Sheffeild. Mainly because my band was in Sheffield. Things were difficult in the beginning, Alex's band was still in Baltimore and we all had to find a way to make everything work. In the end, Lex and I decided on buying a small cottage outside of Baltimore where we would go to every few months. The months when we were in Sheffield, Alex practiced with his band through Skype.

Now here we are. Both Alex and I twenty two years old, living in a small house with my daughter, Lelanie. I'd be lying if I said things were hard, because they weren't. Cease To Exist has definitely gotten bigger, both in the UK and in the states. We've gone on eight tours in the last three years. A year after Lelanie was born, I decided to take a break from the band and focus on my daughter. Thankfully, the girls understood perfectly and were never angry when I told them that I was going on a little break.

Things have also been fantastic with Alex and I. He's gone on a few tours as well. All Time Low released two EPS and an album in the past four years. Jack, Rian and Zack flew out here two weeks ago so they could all work on writing a new album. They've only written two songs for the album, but it sounds really fucking good so far.

Once in a while, I catch myself thinking about Oliver. Lelanie knows that Alex isn't her biological father, but she still refers to him as 'daddy' and he loves her as if she were his own daughter. Lelanie also never really asks about who her real father is, all she knows is that his name is Oliver and that he left for reasons unknown. That's all she knows and that's all I'm planning on telling her. At least for now, anyways.

I stopped abruptly once I saw that I had somehow managed to end up at the entrance of the cemetary. I'm not sure why but, I felt the need to enter the cemetary. 'What are you doing?' My inner self questioned, but I payed her no attention and continued walking aimlessly around the graveyard.

"Amelia?" His voice. The sound of his voice made me stop dead in my tracks. Slowly, I turned around, his familiar hazel/green eyes met with mine. My breathing caught in my throat and a new wave of emotions came over me.

I had always wondered what I would do if I ever saw Oliver again... But now, I can't find myself to do anything.

Oliver~

"Where are you going, Oli?" Hannah asked as I started towards the entrance of our flat. Yes, our flat. As soon as Hannah turned eighteen, she moved out of her parents house and into my flat. I met her parents a while ago, they're both nice people. Her dad wasn't too fond of me, but eventually, he came around and we've been good friends since. It's funny because I see Hannah's dad like the father I wished I had.

"Just going to visit an old friend. I'll be back in a bit," I smiled down at my girlfriend before pressing my lips against hers. Pulling away from the short lived kiss, I walked out of the apartment and began walking towards the direction of the cemetery. It's been since I last visited Seth. I wonder what he thinks of me now.

I'm doing all the things I always said I wanted to do. I'm in a band. Yes, I'm in a band. Bring Me The Horizon is our name. We formed in 2004 and have already released an album, Count Your Blessings. While I've been living my dream of being in a band, Hannah has been working hard to become a tattoo artist. She's 20 and she got a job as an assistant at one of the local parlors here in Sheffield. I'm not going to lie, her drawings are fucking incredible.

I forced my thoughts away once I reached the familiar cemetery. Pushing the gate open, I stepped into the cemetery. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket as I continued walking until I finally reached the familiar marble tombstone.

I sat down on the grass and stared at the tombstone, completely silent. The words 'Seth Mitchell Davis. A beloved son and friend. He will be missed.' Were written in bold letters on the marble tombstone.

"Hey Seth," I smiled sadly down at the tombstone. I wish he never took his life away, I wish he could still be here with me, and I wish he could give me some fucking sign as to what to do with the Amelia situation.

Four years, four long years without seeing her. I know she lives in Sheffield, and I also know that her band has really taken off in the past few years. Thanks to Jenna, I also know that her entire family disowned her something she did. What it is? I have no fucking clue. When I tried asking Jenna what she did, Jenna started screaming at me, calling me a 'stupid idiotic wanker!' And a lot more profanities before hanging up on me. That happened three years ago and I haven't spoken to Jenna since.

"Wherever you are, Seth, I know that it's a better place than here. I'm surrounded by idiots on a daily basis, I left the girl I love over some stupid fear, and now, I'm falling deep into this hole. Hannah loves me, I know she does but... I don't love her. I mean, I love her... But, I'm not in love with her, understand?" I couldn't help but chuckle flatly once I realized that I was asking a tombstone questions. No matter if he couldn't reply, I knew Seth was listening.

I pulled my attention away from Seth's grave once I heard footsteps beginning to approach me. I looked up and saw no one. My curiosity peaked and I decided to see who was making all the noise. Standing up from the floor, I looked around the cemetery until my eyes met with a familiar figure.

"Amelia?" I called out. There was no doubt in my mind that the woman was Amelia. Her familiar sandy blonde hair was tied into a tight pony tail. She was wearing a grey sports bra, tight black shorts and running shoes. Her skin was glowing and it didn't take an idiot to realize that she was jogging before.

Slowly, Amelia turned around. As soon as her blue eyes met with mine, a sudden wave of emotions over came me. I opened my mouth to speak but forming words seemed impossible. I wasn't able to do or say anything. All I was really able to do was stare.

It was obvious that Amelia had changed in these past four years. She had a rose tattooed on the back of her hand and the name 'Lelanie' was written on her right arm. I'd be lying if I said that she didn't look good. She looked fucking amazing. Obviously, she aged a bit, but she grew out of her teenage features and into a beautiful woman. She was absolutely breathtaking. I continued to gawk at her appearance until I finally realized that the woman that I loved- no, still love, was standing only a few feet away from me.

WIthout thinking, I began approaching her, my legs seeming to have a mind of their own. Amelia's body froze once she realized that I was inching closer to her. I reached my hand out to touch her, to feel her warm skin once more, but before I was able to do so, Amelia backed away. Her eyes were becoming glossy with tears, nothing but pure hate shinning in them. To be completley honest, it absolutely broke my heart to see the woman I love back away from me.

"S-Stay away from me," Amelia spoke. Hearing her voice again sent chills running down my spine. Her words hurt, they cut me like a knife. Amelia turned on her heels and, before I was able to call her name, ran towards the entrance of the cemetery. She continued running until she was completely out of my sight. You'd think I'd go after her, I'd chase her until she gave up, like in those romantic movies, right?

Well, that's exactly what I didn't do.

I just stared blankly at the horizon, hoping that by some miracle, Amelia would run back to me. But I knew there was no chance in Hell that was happening. Suddenly, pure anger boiled in my blood. I had the chance to speak to Amelia again, but I didn't- I couldn't. All I did was stand there like a complete asshole, just staring at her with a blank expression. I would give anything to go back in time and change what I did that regretful night- but, I can not. I wish I could, but I can't.

'Tides will bring me back to you,' And they did. The tides brought me back to Amelia, but I let her slip away. And I don't think I've ever hated myself anymore than I did at that moment.

Amelia~

The sound of my feet slapping against the pavement was all I was able to hear as I ran towards my home. Once I reached the house, I quickly grabbed the key from under the mat and stepped into the house. I hurried past the living room and down the hallway until I reached our bedroom. I didn't hear the television running in the background so I figured Alex was somewhere in the house with Lelanie. Usually, when I come home from running, Alex and Lelanie are playing in our backyard on the swing set or something like that.

Once inside our bedroom, I closed the door and hurried into the bathroom. Stripping off my running clothes, I kicked off my shoes and turned on the water. A few years ago, I realized how much I loved showering. I know this sounds strange, but the shower is the only place where I can be to myself. It's the one place where I don't have to worry about someone interrupting my thoughts.

A sharp sigh left my mouth as I ran my fingers through my hair. My thoughts were still racing inside my head, and at this point, I don't know what to think anymore. Seeing Oliver again flooded me with so many new and old emotions that I had hidden away years ago. I didn't want to feel that way anymore, I was done with Oliver, he was dead to me... but I knew, deep down, I still loved him.

Forcing my thoughts away, I stepped inside the shower, making sure the curtain was shut behind me. For a few minutes, I just stood there, doing absolutely nothing. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and emotions that I didn't hear the bathroom door open. In fact, I didn't realize that someone was with me until I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist.

My eyes widened and I looked up, only to see Alex staring down at me, a sly smirk appearing on his lips. "Hey," he whispered before pressing his lips against mine. He turned me around so I was now facing him, our naked bodies pressing against each other.

"What are you doing?" I asked, even though I knew the answer well enough. At that moment, I forced all my thoughts about Oliver away and kept my focus on Alex and the entire situation we were currently in.

Alex chuckled quietly, "Nothing," he whispered, his lips moving down to my neck. A quiet moan left my mouth once I felt him gently nibble on my skin. Alex placed his hands on my hips and pushed me against the tile wall. "Don't scream this time, Lelanie's sleeping." He smirked, his words causing the heat to rise on my face, but I didn't care. All I had to focus on was forgetting about the little 'reunion' I had with Oliver earlier.

Alex~

"Is mommy not feeling well?" Lelanie asked, her small hand holding onto mine as we walked through the slightly crowded park. I stared down at the small girl, her hazel/green eyes staring at me with a concerned look. It was obvious that Lelanie had gotten most of her looks from her dad, yet, she somehow looked exactly like Amelia. Her brown hair was tied into a tight pony tail and she was wearing her favorite red shoes that Abby had bought her a while ago.

"She just has a little headache, she just needs to sleep," I answered. Lelanie nodded, as if she understood every word I had just said. I have to admit, for a four year old, Lelanie is pretty smart. I took a seat on the park bench while Lelanie went to go play on the park's toys. There weren't that many toys to actually play on- just a swing set, a slide and a see-saw. Yet, Lelanie loves this park more than any other park in Sheffield.

A few more minutes passed by before I heard someone call my name. I turned my head and saw none other than Oliver fucking Sykes walking towards me, Hannah following closely behind me. It was obvious that they were on a date, but seriously, out of all the different parks, why here?

"What are you doing here?" I asked through gritted teeth as I stood up from the bench. I was doing my best to hold back ok punching him, but fuck, it sure as hell was a lot more difficult than I had thought.

Oliver pressed his lips together while Hannah continued smiling kindly, completely oblivious to the entire situation. Oliver whispered something in her ear, probably telling her to leave the two of us alone because that's exactly what she did. "How's Amelia?" He asked.

"Why the fuck do you care?" I spat.

Oliver sighed heavily, "Because I care about her." His words were enough to trigger my anger. I had lost all control as soon as I sent the first punch, hitting him right in his nose. Oliver stumbled back, wide eyed. "Oi! What the hell was that f-?" He began but was cut off when I sent another blow to his face, this time causing him to stumble back.

"You're a fucking prick!" I shouted, not caring whether I got the attention from the other people at the park. "Do you not realize how much damage you did on Amelia? Do you not fucking realize how broken she was when you left? It took months for her to get better! Only to then realize that she was having your k-" I quickly closed my mouth once I realized what I was about to say.

Oliver gave me a questioning look, "My what?" He asked but before I was able to say anything, I felt a pair of small arms wrap around my leg. I turned my gaze away from Oliver and to Lelanie who was now hugging my leg tightly.

"Daddy, are you okay?" She asked. I nodded as I picked her up from the ground. Oliver continued to stare at Lelanie, his eyes shinning with curioustiy.

"Is she Amelia's daughter?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nodded, "Her name is Lelanie Taylor. Look, Oliver, I don't want you anywhere near my family. We're happy, so please... Just stay away from us." I said before turning on my heel and walking away from him.

I'm happy that I told him a part of what I always wanted to, but I just wish that Lelanie didn't have to see any of that. "Lelanie," I sighed as we continued walking towards the direction of our home, "don't tell mommy what happened,"

"Why, daddy?" She asked.

"Because mommy doesn't like that man. If she learns that he saw you, then she will only get sicker."

Lelanie nodded, "Is that man a bad man?"

"No." I shook my head. Although in my perspective, Oliver was the 'bad guy' but I knew it wouldn't be right to tell Lelanie that her real father is bad, even if she doesn't know he's her biological father.

Oliver~

"What happened, Oli?" Hannah questioned as she began examining my bloody face. I completely blocked her out, the words that Alex had said replaying in my mind. "Her name is Lelanie Taylor. Look, Oliver, I don't want you anywhere near my family. We're happy, so please... Just stay away from us."

Lelanie Taylor... there's no doubt in my mind that Lelanie is Amelia's daughter, but does that mean that Alex is the dad? He did say 'my family'. That must mean that Amelia and him had a kid, that also means that she moved on... she's over me.

&&

Guys, I'm ten fucking pages away from 100 pages omfg. I was thinking, as a thank you for the 100 pages .-. like I would write a christmas chapter, lame? idk, what do u guys think?