Our Apartment In Seoul || Jikook

이십일[21]

I felt so exhausted and broken as I laid in my bed and stared into the dark and gloomy room. It was the third day after the message of my mother. And I didn't move since then. Everything I wanted to do was laying in my bed and resting here for ever.

I felt like I was laying in coma, not being alive.

It was so painful. It was painful to remember the old days. The things that happened before the accident and the orphanage.

I cuddled under the soft bedsheets but it was useless. It wasn't getting warmer. I shivered. I was so cold and it didn't seem to end. Neither my tears seemed to be warm. Everything kept cold for the whole three days.

I squinted my eyes tightly and tried to oppress a sob as the tears were flowing down my cheeks. I never knew a human could cry that much. But it was possible.

I gritted my teeth as I felt the cold tears flowing down over my lips. It tasted salty as I bit my lip and cramped my hands into the fabric of the sheets.

Why does it hurt so much? I asked myself quietly and sniveled. Why does it need to hurt? I closed my eyes and tried to breath. ...it...hurts. I muttered quietly and fell asleep again.

But the next time I slowly woke up I felt something warm on my head. My eyes hurt from crying and I didn't dare to open them as I leaned into the touch on my head.

It was warm and comfortable. I sighed as I felt the fingers caressing my scalp and my cheek softly. It felt really good and I didn't want it to end.

I stayed like this for some minutes until I allowed myself to open my eyes slowly. I saw Jimin above me, his hand still stroking my hair until our eyes met and he jumped shocked away.

But I grabbed his wrist quickly and hold it tightly. Don't go. I mumbled and looked at him with tired eyes. Don't.

Jimin pointed slowly at the table beside him. I brought you something to eat. he said quietly.

I don't care. I countered exhausted. He tried to make me eat something for the last three days. But I refused it strictly. I was just too tired and exhausted for eating.

I looked at him. Why did you do this? I asked quietly. Stroking my hair. I added.

Jimin smiled slightly. My mother did this when I was upset. he said. I thought you'll like it too.

I nodded slowly and closed my eyes again. A lot.

Jimin was about to go but I knew it would be so cold again if he leaves. I knew I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't be so weak. But everything I wanted was warmth.

So I grabbed his wrist tighter and pulled him jerkily under my blanket. He inhaled loudly and stared at me with wide opened eyes. I knew I shouldn't do this. But I was too exhausted and broken to care about this.

I placed his hand on the top of my head and nuzzled my face into the pillow. Do it again. I said quietly and closed my eyes.

I heard Jimins breath as his hand started to caressing my hair. His fingers ran through strands of my hair and my scalp as I felt his warm fingertips on my cheek.

I relaxed immediately at his warmth and breathed out. It didn't need too much time and I fell asleep again. But this time warmed up and much more calmer.

I slept the half day until the noises outside my door waked me up. I blinked tiredly and yawned as I tried to wake my mind up.

The weather outside was gloomy and hazy as I looked out of the window. Big and grey clouds were hanging in the sky and looked like they would fall down every moment.

I sat slowly up. My head aches from the dehydration from the last days and the refusal of food. I gritted my teeth as I leaned at the wall behind me.

He's in there. A voice said outside the door.

How is he? Another one asked.

Not good. He didn't eat for the last days.

I widened my eyes as I realized they were talking about me.

I guess it hit him really hard.

It was quiet outside until I heard a slight knock on my door. Y-yeah. I said hoarsely. The door opened and my adoptive mother stood there. She walked towards me and hugged me tightly.

M-mom. I mumbled quietly. M-my... my. I stuttered. But she rubbed my back softly. I know. she said. I found out about it yesterday. Sorry I didn't come earlier.

It's okay. I mumbled and looked over her shoulder. Jimin stood in the door frame and looked at us. He had his arms crossed and leaned against the frame as he gave me a slight smile.

I remembered how I urged him to stroke my hair until I fell asleep. And he really did it. He was the whole time by my side. Even if I was so shitty to him.

I stared at him as I realized all of that. He was still here...

My mother broke our hug and sat on the edge of my bed. She stroked my hair and smiled at me. How are you? she asked me.

I looked at Jimin and nodded slightly. I'm feeling alright. This time I really did. Still broken and exhausted. But definitely better than the days before.

My mother talked with me while Jimin went out of the room. She stayed for the next two hours, asking me every time if I'm alright and how I'm feeling.

And to be honest I came at a point where I didn't know if I was good or not. Everything was so confusing around me. I just wanted some quiet time to rest.

My mother went into a hotel here in Seoul to be near me in the next time. It was in the evening when Jimin and I were home alone.

It was the first time I allowed myself to stand up and walk around. I went into the kitchen where Jimin was busy with preparing food. I stood behind him when he turned around and flinched at my sudden appearance. O-oh, Jungkook-sshi. he stuttered shocked.

What are you cooking? I asked curiously and gazed over his shoulder.

Just some rice and vegetables. Nothing special. he mumbled quietly and turned to the counter. B-but it's okay if you still don't want to eat.

I want something. I countered and Jimin looked at me with wide opened eyes. I sat on the table and looked at him. I'm waiting. Hurry up. He nodded quickly and pursued making food.

I watched him and pondered intensely about the small boy.

He was still so kind and friendly. He was every time there when I cried in the last days. Normally I would be embarrassed when someone would see me like this. So broken and weak.

But strangely I was okay with Jimin knowing how  sad I was. And I was okay with him hugging and comforting me.

I liked that he cared about me.

But there was only one thing that bothered me. One thing that made me scared.

Why was I okay with all of that?

-,-,-,

Sorry for typos and mistakes ;-;