Our Apartment In Seoul || Jikook

이십삼[23]

I looked at my coffee and stirred it with my teaspoon. The café was nice. It was small and welcoming. The steam of coffee floated around my nose and I liked the change from my bored apartment to this cute and homey café.

Jimin sat in front of me, looking out of the window and dangling with his legs under the table. He held the chocolate milkshake with both hands and sipped with a dreamy glance on the straw.

This was a weird situation for both of us, not knowing what we should say or do.

I coughed slightly and drummed nervously with my fingers onto the surface of the glass. What is with Taehyung and Hoseok-hyung? How are they? I asked hesitantly.

Jimin looked up and intertwined his hands in his lap. Good... I think. he answered quietly and looked out of the window.

Is Hoseok-hyung still interested in Taehyung? I asked with a slight smile in my face.

Jimin shrugged and looked on the table. I don't know. Taehyung doesn't speak often about him. B-but I think the two would get along really well.

Hm. I made almost inaudible and looked at my coffee. I mixed it with my teaspoon and laid my chin on my hand, concentrating on the coffee in front of me. It was an americano caramel macchiato. I studied the color with my eyes.

I wasn't into poetics or something like this but when I needed to describe the color I would say it was a nice and warm color, moderate and coy but still shining and quiet pretty. Someone could paint a wall in his kitchen with this color. I was sure it would look pretty. Or maybe a wooden table. I looked up into Jimins eyes. They had the same color.

Beautiful... I thought and tilted my head slightly.

But I averted my gaze quickly and sighed, closing my eyes and waiting for the time to end. J-jungkook-sshi? Jimin asked quietly. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Yeah, what is?

Jimin played nervously with the straw in his milkshake and stopped dangling with his legs. I-i don't want to bother you... b-but I don't understand the situation with your mother... I-i mean... I-i don't know how I should say this...

I sighed and leaned back, looking into his eyes. You don't understand how I could say my mother is dead but she visited us some days ago. He nodded and slightly and stared at the table. And my mother didn't tell you anything? I asked and raised my eyebrows.

Jimin shook his head and bit his lip. I didn't ask.

I sighed again. Of course he didn't know the truth. The woman you think she's my mother is just my adoptive mother. I told him. My biological mother had died. I forced a smile and felt the tickling tears in my eyes but squinted them quickly away.

O-oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Jimin stumbled sheepishly.

I shrugged and looked out of the window. Only a few people know about it. I coughed slightly and gritted my teeth. I didn't like talking about this. I didn't like thinking about my past. It hurt.

Drink up. I said quickly and looked at Jimins milkshake. I want to go.

I looked up into the sky as we walked in an almost lonely street. Jimin walked on the sidewalk and I on the street. But I was still a bit bigger than him. The mood was still awkward and I asked myself if it would ever change.

You were standing in front of my door. I said suddenly and looked at Jimin. He blushed and nodded slowly. Everyday. You know you're kinda creepy doing this. I raised my eyebrows and gave him an arrogant glance.

I-i'm sorry... I just thought about something. He answered shyly.

What was it? I asked and didn't avert my gaze.

Something I wanted to tell you... but you're feeling better now, so I think it's okay. He forced a smile.

I looked at him and sneered. Say it now. I want to hear it.

Jimin bit his lip and played with his fingers. I-i don't know why.... b-but I thought it will make you feel a little bit better. He looked at me. My mother is also dead.

He still forced a smile but I could hear the sadness in his voice. He laughed sadly and scratched his head. My father died when I was ten years old. It was a car accident. Since then I lived with my mother alone. He kicked some pebbles with his feet while telling me his story. I was still happy with my mother together. Even if the mood was mostly a little bit depressed. Anyway so everything went well... until my mother had an accident too. He inhaled deeply and seemed obviously sad.

She was quadriplegic after that and sat in the wheel chair. His smile began to quiver and I looked at him with big eyes. After one year... I found her in the kitchen... dead. She committed suicide. His voice broke up at the last words and he clenched his fists.

I stared at him with big eyes. Jimin looked at me, a wide smile placed in his face but I could see his shaking hands and the small shiver in the corners of his mouth. Tears were glancing in his eyes but he wiped them quickly away, still smiling at me. This was all seven months ago.

My eyes widened. Only seven months? I asked loudly. He nodded. Your mother was befriended with mine and she didn't want me to go into the orphanage or something like this. So I could live in the house of your parents for the last six months. Until I moved in your apartment. He smiled and walked a little bit faster.

Why should this make me feel better? I asked. I'm not sadistic.

Jimin laughed quietly. No, I thought you don't feel so lonely if you know this. He smiled widely and looked at me. But I'm good now. I have here a lot of friends. Taehyung, Yoongi-hyung, Hoseok-hyung, Jin-hyung and Namjoon-hyung. That are more friends than I've ever imagined. So I'm really happy right know.

I nodded slightly and stared on the ground while walking. I gulped and felt like I had a lump in my throat. Why was I feeling so sad for him? Why felt I so shitty and guilty? I've never felt so sorry for a person.

I looked at the smaller boy. He was stronger than I thought. Finding his mothers dead body, living with other "parents", moving in a complete new city to a complete stranger who treated him badly, getting bullied by some dumb boys for his sexuality and being still so optimistic and kind.

I felt bad. My heart cramped and I didn't know why. What was this for a feeling? Was it... commiseration? Could I feel something like this? Did I feel sorry for a boy I only knew for one month? I felt so bad.

Is everything okay, Jungkook-sshi? Jimin asked me suddenly and I looked up. I didn't have noticed the tears that had build up in the corner of my eyes.

I wiped them quickly away and groaned. Ahh, I think something flew into my eyes. I said quickly and rubbed my eyes desperately. Let's go home! I commanded sternly and looked at Jimin. I didn't want to cry in publicity. Jimin nodded confused but said nothing.

I bit my lip as I watched the smaller boy. His cheeks were flushed from the cold, his hair tousled from the wind and a little bit of the milkshake was still in the corner of his lip.

My heart hurt when I tried to imagine Jimin finding the dead body of his mother, crying and screaming while his whole world collapsed.

I averted my gaze quickly and gritted my teeth. I couldn't feel sorry for him. I just couldn't. I didn't want to. I promised it to myself years ago. I would never love or care about someone. Never.

But why did I feel still so bad for him?