Our Apartment In Seoul || Jikook

사십삼 [43]

[No proofread] (again lol)

I never knew there was a pain like this. A pain, deep, deep down in my chest. Not really physically, but mentally, which hurt even more. And the question in my head, which tortured me the whole day.

Why did I do always everything wrong?

Why couldn't I be just like Namjoon and Seokjin? Why wasn't I able to get close to someone without destroying everything in the end? In this moment I even envied Taehyung and Haneul for their relationship.

And on a strange way I just felt a huge lump of... nothing in my chest. I felt empty.

I neither felt anything in my arms nor legs as I shambled through the floors, not knowing where to go or what to do. Every step was empty, my breaths hollow and my mind blank. The grievance of my heart I'd heard before became silent. And I really asked myself if somebody could've ripped my heart out without me even knowing it. At least I knew who had ripped it out.

This was the first time ever I opened up to someone. The first time I showed to be vulnerable. And I jumped with love-blinded eyes right into the abyss of reality.

God, I was an idiot to believe that someone could may love me back. To may return the same rare feelings as me.

I was naive. I was dumb. I fell stupidly in love.

And I had no one to catch me in the moment I'd needed it so bad.

Now I could see my heart resulting to thunk on the ground, cracking.

I was still with my thoughts in the clouds, not sure how I could go on. But someone made a quick decision for me.

I couldn't even continue my walk of shame as I felt a person suddenly grabbing my arm and yanking me away into the next room.

My back hit the wall behind me and I arched it up, pain fizzling through my limbs.

I cracked my eyes a little open, seeing the furious face in front of me. His brown eyes piercing mine.

I'm gonna kill you, Jungkook! I heard Hoseok yelling at me. When I looked down, I could see his hands clenched into he fabric of my jacket, pressing me at the wall behind me.

For one moment I was surprised by his sudden change. I knew Hoseok as the kind of guy who was obliging and even-tempered.

But the guy in front of me was furious and fuming in anger. He was explosive.

I should be shocked or even intimidated by the sudden eruption of my best friend. But as expected was there nothing like this.

How could my heart pound faster in shock or twist painfully in remorse when it wasn't in my chest anymore? When it glued on Jimin's shoe sole like some kind of waste dirt?

Wow, if you were this pugnaciously when it goes about Taehyung you wouldn't've lost him to some girl. I countered smugly, a smug smile playing on my lips.

Yep, it was much more comfortable to hurt others than to be the hurt one.

It was easier.

I watched the short twist of confusion and shock in Hoseok's face before it became angry again. I told you that if you hurt Jimin or Taehyung in any way that I-

You'll do what, huh? I asked, feeling my words getting stronger, confidence filling the empty spot in my chest. It was like my old and obnoxious self came back from the hidden place I had shoved it in. And in this moment I couldn't help myself but to only greet it with open and welcoming arms.

I liked the way the lack of words was scribbled on Hoseok's face. The way I felt his grip loosening a bit. It was my turn to stab him.

You'll lock in the bathroom and cry like a little child because you didn't get what you wanted!? You rather let Taehyung make out with some bitch and cry your pathetic tears out on my shoulder and you say that I'm abjectly!? I can totally imagine how Taehyung and Haneul are laughing at you and your scabbiness. I yelled out.

I watched Hoseok carefully to see every little in of his emotion. I sensed his hands letting me go, his lips pressed into a thin line as he eyed me up, no emotion visible in his eyes as he just turned around and ran a hand through his hair.

I faced his back and felt the malicious feeling of superiority in my body, ready to see him crying or screaming at me. But I'd never imagined that Hoseok could stab furtively back at me with a poisoned blade.

God, Jungkook, do you think I get hurt by words of someone like you? He snapped back, looking back at me. Do you really think you're someone better as me? He laughed humorously. I'm not the one who's being hated by all. I'm not someone who slaps others because they said their own opinion.

He held the whole time eye contact with me, not averting his glance once while he twisted the blade slowly in my heart, poison spreading in my chest.

I'm not the loser here, Jungkook. He said slowly. You're the one who is hated by everyone. You even get Jimin to hate you for what you did.

And I knew his words shouldn't hurt. But they did.

Looking at Hoseok who has now the superior eyes made my body cramp. And by the word Jimin my heart had been beating a bit before the poison was eating it slowly. Killing every confidence I had before with it.

Fuck you! Was everything that left my lips as I rushed out of the room in defeat.

And when I was finally out of the building there was only the realization that I lost again. At first Jimin, then Hoseok...

Maybe I just wasn't destined to love.

--

Wow I didn't expect it would become that dramatic

Sorry for not updating for so long but I was really busy and still have a bit of a writer's blockade *sigh*

Thank you again for 7k reads and 500+ votes T_T Really thank you a lot

I can only say "Strong power, thank you!" <3