Our Apartment In Seoul || Jikook

이십이[22]

Everything felt different in the next days.

Everything around me seemed more clear and louder. Maybe it were the noises which kept me awake. The noises from another person in this apartment.

The days I laid soundlessly in my bed, not moving at all because of my ankle and the fear to burst into tears again, I started to regard the things around me, the things I didn't notice before even if they were right in front of me.

I heard the shower when it was night and Jimin came back from the company, I listened to his hummed songs when he walked through the corridor and the sound of the stove when he boiled something. I listened carefully to his steps when he walked from the living room to the kitchen and back. Sometimes I counted them.

8 steps from the bathroom to the kitchen. 14 steps from the living room to the bathroom. And 15 steps from the kitchen to me.

Sometimes I heard Jimin standing in front of my door, shuffling with his feet, breathing loudly and mumbling something to himself. But he never opened the door, only when he brings me food.

And I didn't mind to call him in. I waited every time if he will open the door. I was curious why he was so nervous but I would never ask him. So I let him stand in front of my door, just listening to the movements of his feet and his nervous breath until he walked quickly away, never opening the door.

Even if I had a big apartment, I heard all of that things. And I was thankful for it. Because I didn't know what I should do without all of that noises.

They made me awake and kept me in this position. It made me feel more alive than just laying in my bed lifelessly and staring at the ceiling above me. It gave me the guarantee that there was someone. Someone who was alive and gave this place life.

I couldn't imagine how broken I would still be without that noises. Only with the knowledge there was only me in this apartment, nothing alive and nothing that kept me awake. Nothing that came into my room everyday, bringing me food and trying to make me eat.

No, this was the first time I didn't brick myself in and looked at the ground.

I was looking up and listening to the surroundings around me. And that made me feel alive for the first time after many years.

And I was on a really strange way thankful for that.

It was the eighth day after the message when I went out of my room. Jimin wasn't here. He was practicing so I had the whole apartment for me alone. My ankle was still hurting but I didn't need to use this crutches again. Something I was thankful too.

I limped to the bathroom and took a hot shower. Something I didn't do for a week. I knew it was really disgusting but I just felt too tired to do something second-ranked like this.

I washed my hair and let the rill of water flowing over my face. I washed all the dust, sweat and tears off and felt immediately fresher as I got out of the shower.

This time I really tried not to slip and took my towel. I rubbed my hair with it and looked at myself in the mirror reflection. I looked tired and exhausted. My face swollen and puffy from crying and sleeping. I hoped this look would disappear soon.

I sighed as I dressed up and walked into the living room. I looked at the sleeping bag on the ground. I didn't know why but I felt a little bit sorry. I've never felt sorry for something like that but in this moment it hit me really hard.

I averted my gaze quickly and headed to my bedroom again, not able to think about the feeling of blame again.

I crept under my blanket and waited for Jimin to come home. I perked up when I heard the sound of the door and the chiming keys.

...5,6,7,8. I counted quietly. He was in the kitchen. I heard the stove and some clanking things as I listened to his steps again.

...11,12,13,14...15. I mumbled and sat up. Silence was floating between us. I stared at the door and waited for him to come in.Even if I knew he wouldn't.

I bit my lip and looked at the door. There was only one door between us. A piece of wood, nothing more. My body became tense from the expectation. But as expected nothing happened.

I chewed on my lip. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't stay in this apartment any longer until I would go insane.

I stood up and rushed to the door as I opened it and looked at the smaller boy in front of me. His eyes widened in shock at my sudden appearance and he jumped away.

Let's go out. I said and looked at him with a sternly glance.

Going out? he squealed with big eyes.

I nodded and ran to the place where our shoes were and put my timberlands on. Now. I said and looked at him with an expectantly glance in my eyes.

B-but there is food on the stove. he stuttered quietly.

I shrugged and grabbed my jacket. Turn off the stove. But hurry up, I want to go. He nodded and did quickly what I commanded.

It got colder in the days I didn't go outside. It was only one week but I was still surprised by the sudden cold. My mouth was surrounded by white clouds while I breathed.

I looked at Jimin beside me as I kicked some pebbles with my feet. He stared at the ground and seemed uncomfortable with the situation.

I bit the inner side of my cheek and scoffed. You don't like me, do you? I asked and didn't look at him. But I could see his shocked face in the corner of my eye.

N-no. he stumbled surprised.

I sneered and looked at him. Be honest with yourself. I'm sure you hate me or at least don't like me. Nobody is that naive to like me after living with me.

Jimin shook his head slightly and stared at the ground again. It's not like that. he mumbled.

You're scared of me. I guessed and kept walking.

He shook his head again and bit his lip. I-i don't know... I-i think I respect you...

I laughed loudly and sneered. A lot of people love and adore me but only before they get to know me better. Jimin remained quiet and bit his lip. I looked at him. There was one thing I was really curious about and I really wanted to know.

I stopped and looked at him. Jimin stopped after some steps too and gave me a confused glanced. I looked deep into his eyes and tilted my head a little bit.

What are you thinking about me? I asked and tried to notice every movement of his face.

His eyes widened and he blushed in shame as he looked on the ground. Look at me. I said strictly and made eye contact again. Don't lie. Be honest.

Jimin played nervously with his fingers before he answered. I-i think...y-you're really pretty. he stumbled and bit his lip.

Don't say things I want to hear. I scoffed and stared into his eyes. They had the color of espresso and some shades of latte macchiato around the iris. The sun came out and shined into his eyes. Now they had the color of caramel. Maybe an americano caramel macchiato? I really liked coffee.

Um... Jimin made and clenched his fingers into the fabric of his jacket. You're a great dancer and singer... and... and...um

I sighed and walked past him. You're boring. I pointed at the café on the other side of the street. Just let us go there. I'm thirsty.

Jimin looked at the small building and nodded slightly. We walked beside each other to the small café. And to be honest I couldn't take my eyes of Jimin.