Our Apartment In Seoul || Jikook

사십이[42]

I really didn't feel like attending training the next day. But the small glimpse of hope to maybe make up for what happened dragged me still into the building.

As I could've been expecting Jimin hadn't come home last night. I couldn't even call him because of his lost phone. And I hadn't even a clue where he was.

I felt dreary and exhausted as I slouched into the building. I didn't feel like practicing or performing like it was planned for this evening. I didn't even want to meet people, except for one particular.

I couldn't sleep last night, which hit me now with the full power as I looked with drowsy eyes over the crowd of people, which passed my way.

Gosh, I really wanted to slap myself for what happened. How could I lose control like this? How could I hurt him purposely like this?

I squinted my eyes and rubbed with my hands over my neck. I needed to apologize, was all that was in my mind. I needed to apologize and make up for what happened.

I let myself fall against the wall in the floor, leaning with my forehead against the bumpy and cold surface and closed my eyes tightly.

I placed my hand on my chest, which felt so empty and hollow. It felt like someone had ripped the ribcage out of it, my heart as well, and left only the depressing feeling of burdensome emptiness in it. Was this how it was to feel abandoned? To be... heartbroken?

I sighed in desperation, squinted my eyes tightly and started to tilt my head back before smashing it against the wall. The prickling and hurting sensation on my forehead ran through my body. But I couldn't feel it properly because the grievance of my ripped-out-heart was way too loud.

I tilted my head back anew and smashed it again against the wall. I did this some time, not caring what the people that may passed the way would think about me. What should I do when this the feeling of a broken heart was? When my heart was so weak that it could be easily ripped apart with only some screamed words?

Jungkook-sshi? A voice asked and ripped me out of my trance. I swirled around, a lump of hope germinated in my chest until I only looked into the face of my incapable manager. Damnit.

I groaned and turned around, only to continue the game of pitying myself.

Jungkook-sshi? What are you doing there? My manager asked confused and gave me a worried glance. You should practice, Jungkook-sshi. There is a big concert today! He assured and gripped my shoulder from pretending me to continue smashing my forehead against the wall.

I turned around and gave him a stern glance. Screw the concert! There is something much more important than this damn performance! I said and was surprised by my own words, that slipped past my lips.

The stage that I'd always considered as my passion and my life was in this moment nothing more than a nagging negligibility. It was nothing more than... a job.

What are you talking, Jungkook-sshi? My manager exclaimed with a scowl. Of course the concert is important. And if you're saying we should cancel it... that isn't even an option! You had a long break, but now it's your comeback. Wake up, Jungkook-sshi, this isn't some type of hobby you're doing! This is a job! Your job!

I know, I know. I just said and rubbed my eyes in despair, feeling like my world was shaking. What happened to my small and perfect world? Why was everything breaking down? I know, I just don't fe- I stopped abruptly talking as I noticed the orange hair, passing the way. My eyes widened like my mouth, adrenalin was filling my legs as I felt myself already chasing after that boy.

Hey, Jungkook-sshi! We're not finished! I heard my manager yelling after me, but I ignored it intentionally.

I ran after the boy, nearly tripping but caught myself in the last moment and stormed after him. Wait! I said and grabbed him at the very first moment.

The boy turned around and pulled his hand away from mine, looking at me with narrowed eyes. I told you not to touch me ever again. Jimin exclaimed coldly and took some steps back. I was shocked how hard and angry his voice sounded.

W-wait! We need to talk. I just responded weakly, reaching with my hand for him again, but pulled it in the last moment away.

I think we already said everything necessary yesterday. Jimin countered without showing any emotions.

I stared with shock at him. This wasn't the Jimin I knew. This eyes weren't the warm coffee eyes I loved so much. This one were cold and icy. It was wrath that blazed in them.

I was shocked at his sudden change. The coldness he was looking with at me.

N-no... I said and blinked with my eyes, feeling my mind getting blank, throat swollen. Why won't come any words out of my mouth? Why couldn't I just say what I wanted to?

Jimin pressed his lips together, giving me that cold glance, which let my heart clench. If you have something to say, then say it, Jungkook-sshi. He said and I felt him tensing up.

I-i... Why couldn't I speak? What was wrong with me? My mouth felt limp. I looked at him, my mouth hanging open and sweat started to pour down my forehead, but still, I was silent like a fish.

Tell me what you want to say. Jimin said, his body tensed up like a bowstring, looking in anxiety at me. And now I could see that he hoped for me to say something. His gaze was nearly pleading me to say anything.

I... I stumbled, sweating and trembling as nothing wanted to leave my mouth.

There was so much to say - I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. Come back home, please...

...I love you... - but nothing of that wanted to leave my mouth as I only stared at Jimin with blank mind and empty lips. I felt my mouth closing and my gaze drooping to the ground. I couldn't say anything.

Jimin's gaze dropped. The feelings of pain and disappointment filled his eyes. The small glimpse of hope, I had seen in his eyes earlier, died.

His head dropped on his chest and he looked down, body trembling. His fists were clenched and hair fallen in front of his eyes, so I couldn't see them anymore. I could only see his lips, which were pressed into a thin line to prevent them from quivering.

He huffed quietly as his mouth stretched into a bitter smile. You're a real asshole, Jungkook-sshi. He whispered bluntly into the silence between us.

I remained with a pokerface, looking straight at the boy and needed to pretend myself from mewling at the deep pain, which stabbed now inside my heart. But again I was mute and hated myself for not being able to say what I really wanted to.

Next time... I said quietly. ...come home earlier.

Don't worry. Jimin responded, head slowly lifting up, looking up into my eyes. I'm not coming home either. And with this words he walked away, shoulders brushing briefly against each other and nothing but footsteps, which faded in the distance.

And with every step, I could hear the pieces of my heart crunch under his feet.

It was broken.

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Sorry for updating so late, but I was in vacation for the last week

This chapter was supposed to be longer, but I split it in the half, so the next half will come soon

And a big thank you for 4k reads and 300+ votes, thank you really much, I really appreciate this T-T <3
(I'm really thinking of starting a Jikook One-shot book, but I'm not sure yet because I don't like to write them😅😅 lol)

Thanks for reading <3