Trouble Yet Indispensable

Trouble 10: Happy Family

Rayne's

Days passed since I walked out from our dinner. Wala namang nangyari bukod sa pabigat nang pabigat ang nararamdaman ko. Ewan ko ba, kahit anong sabi nila na wala akong kasalanan mas lalo lang nilang ipinapamukha sakin na kasalanan ko. Ako naman talaga e. My brother did saved me from drug addicts back then. If it wasn't for me, he's still alive today.

"Here, papa!" Nakita ko ang isang bata na may inabot na envelope sa papa niya at halatang excited ito sa magiging reaksyon ng papa niya.

"Aw sweet naman ng baby ko. Pa-kiss nga si papa." The man kissed the child in her cheek.

"Where's mine, baby?" Naka-pout na sabi naman ng babae na kasama nila. Obviously, siya yung mommy.

"And... Here's for you mama." At may iniabot din na envelope sa mama niya tapos sabay nilang hinalikan sa magkabilang pisngi yung bata. And they ate their food.

A family having a picnic under the tree here in the park. What a perfect scenery for my artwork today.

But I couldn't draw them. I just want to sit here and watch how happy they were. I watched them even when It hurts seeing them.

We're just like them before.

We were happy back then. I just love my family and they loved me. Kuya Zayne, Shayne, my parents and me. It's perfect.

Our parents were working in NRC Electronics Company here in the Philippines. Yes, they always find a time to be with us. They were busy but they were always there whenever we need them. We still has a family bonding. We're still a family.

Nang nagka-problema sa company, medyo nabawasan yung time nila para samin which is naiintindihan naman namin kahit bata pa lang kami. But my mom got hospitalized and then I found out na may girlfriend na si kuya. And Shayne's too young for that situation, I bet she didn't remember those.

Suddenly, everything began to change. Suddenly, I felt that I was left behind. How old am I that time? Ten?
Buti na lang may best friend ako that time. Si Iyel. Siya yung iniiyakan ko palagi. And one time, dahil gusto niya akong mapasaya, tumakas kami. Kahit ten years old pa lang kami, pumunta kami sa gig ng bandang paborito namin pareho.

But then, unexpected things happened. That night, sinundo kami ng parents niya. They were mad on what we've done. And as we headed to our way home, a truck collided with our car. They all died on that car accident. Na-comma ako for almost one year pero nagising pa rin ako. At ayun nga, paggising ko, wala na sila.

Then my brother passed away, too. Akala ko kapag sobrang nasasaktan na ako, someone will let me know that they got my back, but no one did. Everyone's busy to even care. Seems like their world's only revolving with their life. Why would they care? I'm a killer anyway. I should be glad they didn't disown me. Right?

But I guess it's better than living with them. They all moved on. My mom and dad make time for us again, but I hate seeing them doing those.

Bakit ngayon pa na hindi ko na kailangan? Bakit ngayon pa when I'm already drawn?

"Here, ate." I was a bit shocked when the girl approach me and give me her handkerchief. I accepted it and thanked her. "Why are you crying? Did someone hurt you?" Napangiti na lang ako sa kanya. Sino ba namang kayang magalit sa ganito ka-cute na bata? She's like an angel and she looks so bright when smiling.

Sana ako rin. Sana kaya ko ring maging masaya. Sana kaya kong kalimutan yung nakaraan.

Sana kaya kong tapalan yung sugat sa puso ko. Sana wala na yung sakit.

But that's the only proof that I'm still breathing, that can still feel, that I'm still alive, why would I take it away?

"No." I lied. "It's just that, seeing your family happy makes me overwhelmed." I smiled at her at parang nagka-spark sa mata niya nang marinig yung sinabi ko. May mali ba sa sinabi ko bukod sa white lie ito?