Chris'
Hindi pumasok si Rayne sa dalawang subject before lunch. Hindi rin ako nakapag-focus sa discussion, nagkataon pa na natawag ako sa recitation at hindi ako nakasagot. Argh! Nakakahiya! Nasermonan pa ako nung buraot naming prof tsk
"Chris pare please lang, wag mong idamay yung gitara sa galit mo." Sabi ni Cedric
Nandito kami ngayon sa ECESS (Electronics Engineering Students Society), yung tambayan naming magbabarkada since officer silang lahat. Ako lang yung hindi officer sa grupo namin kaya madalas hindi ako sumasama pagtambay dito. Feeling ko wala akong karapatan kasi kahit ama namin ang founder ng school na ito, hindi na kami ang nagmamay-ari nito. But they assured me na sa tamang panahon, ibibigay nila sakin ang rights na maging tagapag-mana ng school na 'to.
"Aww!" Nabulalas ko na lang nang biglang malagot yung isang string ng gitarang hawak ko. Ibinagsak ko nang tuluyan yung gitara dahil sa frustration.
"Pre, kung BH ka, wag mong idamay yung gitara. Kumalma ka nga!" Sabi ni Sean at kinuha yung gitara sa sahig.
"Bro, ano bang problema? Is it the fuss happened earlier?" Napatingin ako nang masama sa nagsalita which is Christian. Then I sighed.
"She's with her boyfriend." I said bitterly.
"Jealous?"
"SHE'S WITH HER FVCKN BOYFRIEND! WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS!?"
"Ano nga namang karapatan mong magselos? Just let her go, Chris. She's already taken and probably happy." Sabi ni Christian na prenteng nakaupo sa may table niya. Nasipa ko na lang yung pinakamalapit na upuan sakin. I hate this. I hate that I can't let her go.
Biglang may humawak sa balikat ko. Paglingon ko, it's Kim, my second cousin. Yeah, she's our friend as well, the peace maker and our big sister here.
"Usap tayo." Then she smiled at me. "Ako na bahala sa kanya." Sabi niya sa mga kabarkada namin.
"Problem?" Sabi niya pagkaupo niya sa pavement. Dinala niya ako sa gilid ng tennis court.
Tahimik, kami lang yung tao ngayon dito. Mahangin kahit mainit since tanghali ngayon. Napabuntong hininga ako bago tumabi sa kanya.
"I knew you knew."
"Mahal mo ba siya?" Napatingin ako kay Kim. Parang kanina lang ako yung nagtanong non and I've got a confusing answer. "Paki-alam mo ba? We're not even close!" Napabuntong hininga na lang ako nang maalala yon at napailing.
"Hindi mo siya mahal." It's not a question but a statement.
"H-hindi ko rin alam."
"Bakit ganyan ka magreact?" Napikit na lang ako. Hindi ko rin alam. Ugh! I hate myself. "You're a Christian, right?" Napatingin ako sa kanya na nakatingin lang sa tennis court habang nakangiti. Bakit naman natanong niya about sa religion ko.
"Wondering why did I asked if you we're a Christian?" Nabigla ako nang bigla siyang tumingin sakin. "Christianity isn't a religion. It's your relationship with God. It's your lifestyle. It's your life."
"Why are you telling me those?"
"You're not acting like one." Natigilan ako. Tama siya. I'm not living like them, a good one. I'm the blackship in our group, even in our so called family. But that's all I can do to be different from my twin. Wanna know a secret? Christian is my twin brother pero konti lang ang nakakaalam since magkaiba kami ng surname, Orense siya, Castillo naman ako.
I'm Chris Gabriel Castillo by the way.
"I'm a drummer in our church." Mayabang kong sagot. San ba patungo yung usapan namin!? I hate this! I felt like I've been condemed right now! Akala ko pa naman ico-comfort niya ako!
"Kumusta yang puso mo?" Bakit ba direkta siyang magtanong? Bakit ba ganyan yung mga tanong niya? Nang hindi ako sumagot, napa-buntong hininga siya.
"Kumusta ka na?"
"I'm not ok."
"You're not trying to."
"Tsk. I'm pathetic, right?"
"You're not."
"Thanks for that."
"So tell me what's your problem."
"Can I trust you?"
"Of course you can, couz!" Napangiti naman ako sa sagot niya. Alam ko naman na kahit may pagka-straight forward siya, siya pa rin yung ate ko e.
"Jealousy's eating me up." I sighed. Napatingin na din ako sa court kahit wala namang mapapanuod. Nang hindi siya nagsalita nagpatuloy ako. "She's too close but why can't I reach her? Bakit ang hirap bumalik sa kanya? Madalas ko siyang makita na sinusundo ng lalaking yon, she allowed him to kiss her. Funny, I want to kill those who's so close to her. That should be me. And.. You're wrong, I love her. I know now, that I loved her eversince. I won't be jealous if I didn't, right?" She looked at me and smiled.
"What is love?" Ano nga ba ang love? Napaisip din ako pero biglang may nag-pop up sa utak ko.
"1 Corithains 13:4-7" Naka-smirk kong sabi. Itinuro yon samin sa Sunday School dati at tanda ko pa kung ano yon.
"What's that?" She asked as if hindi niya alam e woman of God siya. Pero dahil alam ko at mayabang ako, ni-recite ko sa kanya.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." Napatigil ako at nakita ko siyang ngumiti. "I-it d-does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." Bakit ganito? Bakit parang gusto kong kainin yung mga sinasabi ko? Bakit tinatamaan ako? "L-love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres." I cleared my throat pagkatapos kong bigkasin ang mga salitang yon.
"1 Corinthians 13:1 says, "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." You already knew the meaning of love, what are you planning to do next?" She said while smiling at me.
"Follow my heart? Since love comes from our heart." I said with a shrug. I don't know what she's planning to imply but because she's my ate kahit mas matanda ako sa kanya ng ilang buwan, I know I should listen to her.
"Love is God so love comes from God. And Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
"What do you want to say?" I asked. I'm already pissed on what she's saying. She's lecturing what I knew already.
"Find love." Tumayo na siya. Malapit na ring mag-bell at ayokong matapos ang argument namin na ako yung magmumukhang talunan. Ayokong natatapakan ang ego ko. "Find God."
"I FOUND HIM ALREADY! I'M A CHRISTIAN! ARE YOU TRYING TO BELITTLE ME!? ARE YOU INSULTING ME!?" Tumayo na rin ako at sinigawan siya. She's getting on my nerves. But instead of fighting back, she just smiled at me. Wth!?
"You already knew what love is. Maybe it's time to apply it in your life." She smiled as she walk towards the gate.
BINABASA MO ANG
Trouble Yet Indispensable
Espiritual"If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. Disciples so often get into trouble; still, God is there every time." (Psalm 34:18-19 MSG) Christians were not exempted in facing...
