Unraveling What We Want

5: Shattering

Emery's view

1 week later

Gracen and I decide to eat dinner in a small restaurant near our apartment. We get seated and our mouths are practically watering from the delicious food that we will order, my stomach is already growling. Just when we are about to order our food, Gracen's professor, Mr. Darnay, and his family pass by on the way out.

"Hello Gracen and Emery. It's so nice to see you again Emery. You must be so proud of Gracen winning that scholarship. Have you responded back to them yet Gracen? There are limited spots you know," Mr. Darnay explains to us.

"Um, no, I haven't responded back. Darnay, I actually don't think I will go," Gracen replies.

"But, Gracen this is a big deal. I know that all you have ever wanted was to travel and see the vast amounts of culture everywhere. This could open so many doors for your career and life," Mr. Darnay added.

"I know, but I'm not ready to leave," Gracen whispers out.

By now, Mrs. Darnay noticed the sad and distant look in Gracen's eyes and looked at me, but I couldn't look her in the eyes. She could tell this was a touchy subject for us, so she commented, "Honey, we should let them eat in peace. You two must be so hungry."

"Right, right. I'm sorry. I hope you guys enjoy your meal. Goodnight you two," Mr. Darnay said as he follows his family out the door.

The rest of dinner is tense and neither Gracen nor I say much. I want to try and break the silence, but nothing comes to mind to talk about, all I can think about is the scholarship. I look over at Gracen and see her deep in thought with her eyebrows creased tight in that adorable way I love. I sight and come to grips with what I have to do. I know it will crush me, but I can't take this chance form her. I can't take this possible happiness from her. I just can't.

"Gracen, you should go," I say suddenly.

"What?...No!"

"Gracen, you heard Mr. Darnay, it will be so good for your career."

"Emery, stop. We already talked about this."

"We need to keep talking about it," I say grabbing her hand and squeezing it gently.

"No we don't. I'm not going, okay," she says taking her hand away from mine.

"Gracen, I know how much this means to you. You have to go. This might be your only chance to see the world, experience the cultures without having to worry about the money or where to stay or about school."

"I can't.'

"Why not?" I ask tearing up a little, "This is once in a lifetime chance. You have to take it."

"What if meeting someone as breathtakingly beautiful and pure as you is a once in a lifetime chance?" Gracen says caressing my cheek.

"Gracen, not every relationship gets a happy ending. That's life. And no matter what, I will never forget every moment with you. I will never forget how much I love you. Because of all the love I feel, I want you to have the best. I want you to think about yourself and take the scholarship."

"Emery, I can't."

"You need to try. Promise me you will try," I say as tears roll down my face.

"Emery, I can't make that promise."

"Please, try at least," I beg her.

"Okay," she finally says.

We walked home with heavy hearts, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I don't want Gracen to regret anything in life. I didn't want her to one day wake up and regret us because she never gave the scholarship a chance.

When we got home, Gracen went to bed, and I sat on the couch and cried myself to sleep silently.

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Gracen's view

The next morning, Emery had to leave early for class and I had a day off from class that Mr. Darnay gave me. I sat down and checked my email and noticed an email from the scholarship organization. I clicked on it and read, "Dear Gracen, we would like to know your answer for the study abroad program. Remember, we need a reply as soon as possible."

I read the email over and over again, trying to figure out what I want to do. As I looked over it for the tenth time, I realized that as much as it hurt to admit, Emery was right. I really wanted to do this, want to see the world, to experience the culture travelling to different places, but...... I love my life here. I love my family and friends. I love Emery with all my heart.

I tried to distract myself by washing the dishes, cleaning, and watching TV, but I couldn't stop thinking about this messed up situation. I sat down and looked over the email again. I stare at the screen for an hour, and then I finally lift my hand to reply to the email.

I type that I would be delighted to go on the study abroad scholarship program, and then I send the email and close my laptop. I sat on the couch in complete silence.

I was happy for this chance, but my heart was shattering.