Unraveling What We Want

18: Hesitation

Emery's view

Colby and I have been dating for almost three months now and I can't believe I am saying this, but I am so happy. He makes me feel secure and cared for and I haven't felt that way in a long time.

Right now, I am cuddling with Colby watching T.V. with him. I am so tired after my day of exams. Medical school is hard and so tiring. So, I could barely keep my eyes open and I kept accidentally hitting Colby on the shoulder with my head. He laughs and looks at me sweetly, "Emery, do you want to go out for dinner?"

"No, I'm way too sleepy."

"Come on, Em. I'll take you to your favorite restaurant."

"Hm, tempting, but still no."

"How about, if I get you your favorite dessert?" Colby says.

I immediately open my eyes and yell, "Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!"

Colby laughs and he helps me up of the couch and we head out of his apartment. We drive over to my favorite place and wait in line. I keep looking over at Colby and he keeps looking me in such a cute, loving way. He does this every once in a while for a few seconds, but right now he won't stop for some reason. We get seated and after a few minutes we order food, so Colby and I discuss our day before the food comes.

"How do you think you did on your tests?" Colby asks.

"Honestly, I think I did well. I knew the answers right away."

"That's great. I know you did amazing on those tests."

"Yeah. Hey, how was work? Did your boss say anything about that promotion?"

"He hinted it at me when it was discussed it in the meeting, so I'm think I might be recommended for it," Colby tells me.

"Colby, that's great news. So, I might be seeing my boyfriend in his very own office?"

"Possibly, another pro is that I would get salary raise. With more money I could buy a bigger and better apartment," Colby said smiling.

"Yeah, you can," I say feeling my stomach drop. For some reason, I have a bad feeling right now.

Colby moves his hands forward so that he is holding my hands and he looks directly at me when he says, "Emery, I love you so much, and I thought maybe in a month we could move in together. Whatever you decide is fine by me, if you want to wait longer to move in then it's okay, but just know I love you," he blurts out.

I am absolutely stunned, and it takes me a few seconds to gather my thoughts. "Colby, don't you think it's a bit fast to move in together?"

"Well, we love each other and you make me so happy. Why not do this? It's not like we have only known each other for a few months, we were friends for years before we started dating. I know you and I love everything about you," he says.

"Look, Colby, I love you too, but this is just to much to think about right now. Give me some time to think about it more," I tell him.

"Emery, it's okay, you don't need to answer now. I just wanted to give you the option, okay. Whatever you decide is okay by me," he says with an adorable smile.

I really do love him, but the thought of moving in with him is really terrifying. I've lived by myself or with Jordie for such a long time, that ic an't imagine myself living with a significant other. Especially after Gracen.

Gracen. I still think about her from time to time. How could I not? I thought she was the love of my life at one point, but I guess I was wrong. I guess sometimes you aren't meant to be with someone.

What if I am meant to be with Colby? What if things didn't work out with Gracen, because they were supposed to work out with Colby?

This thought process hurts. I really loved Gracen with all my heart. But, if I want to move on with my life, then why am I holding back with Colby.

Colby is an amazing guy. He is so sweet, funny and loves me unconditionally. Colby has helped me so much throughout the years and I am so lucky that he is in my life. Maybe, I should move in with him?

However, Gracen is stuck in the back of my head. So, I keep my mouth shut and continue to listen to him talk about the rest of his work day.

Gracen's view

I am still in the dorm when Jasmine comes back from her date with her boyfriend.

Jasmine is surprised to see me, "Woah. These last few months, you have been at the dorm studying or at work. You haven't been sleeping around or drinking?"

"Actually no, I don't know why I stopped doing all that."

Jasmine starts smirking, "I think I know why, it's because of Emery!"

"Why the heck would I change so much for her? It's not like we will actually get back together if I go back home," I say.

Jasmine sighs and sits on the bed with me, "I swear sometimes you can be so dense. You are changing because you hope Emery will want to get back together with you. You are changing because you don't want to be someone who you know Emery will dislike."

"Do you think she will still like me?" I ask.

"What's not to like about you? Plus, I doubt Emery doesn't have some feelings for you. If I saw my ex, I'm pretty sure I would still have some type of feelings. Maybe I don't want to be with him anymore."

That thought terrified me, "What if Emery doesn't want to be with me even if she has feelings for me?"

"I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about myself," Jasmine adds.

"What the difference?"

"The difference is that you are a very loving person, my ex was a shitty douche bag. You need to remind Emery why you guys belong together. Remind her why you guys loved each other," Jasmine advises.