Unraveling What We Want

13: I'm Sorry

Emery's view

"Em, stop looking so sad," Clare says as she hugs me tightly.

"You can't just tell someone to stop being sad. It doesn't work like that, Clare," Jordie responds to her.

"Well, sorry, I don't know what to do to cheer her up," Clare says.

"Maybe, let's just start by hearing how she feels," Jordie says looking at me.

"I feel like shit," I whine out to them.

"I don't think this is working, Jordie," Clare comments hugging me again.

"I know you feel really alone and sad. But, why haven't you told Gracen yet?" Jordie asks.

"Well, I tried; it didn't exactly go as planned. Gracen and I aren't exactly on speaking terms right now, well, it's mostly her who doesn't have time to talk," I explain.

"Emery, I love you both, but you're family. I hate to see you so upset and hurting over Gracen. I don't know if it will get any better. Gracen is barely finishing her first year abroad, she has two more years to go," Jordie says.

"What are you implying, Jordie? That we break up?" I look at him in disbelief, "I love her though."

Jordie sighs, "Remember when you asked me about Ethan. Why we couldn't be together? It's because we were going in different paths. Maybe the same is happening with you and Gracen?"

"But, they're Gracen and Emery. They can get through anything," Clare says.

"What if they can't get through this though," Jordie comments.

"Shut up, Jordie. Emery look at me, things will get better. Just tell her how you feel. Communication is key to a relationship. I'm sure you guys will get through this," Clare says to me, filling me up of hope.

After we finish our coffees I head back to my apartment to call Gracen again. This time I will not back down, I will tell her the truth. Hopefully then, we can start mending things because I don't want to give up on us.

Once in my apartment, I dial her number and hear the phone ring for a bit, then go straight to voicemail. I sigh sadly and think of something to say, I finally leave the message, "Hey, Gracen. Please call me as soon as you can. There is something important that I think we both need to talk about. Love you, bye."

I hope she hears the urgency in my voice and calls back soon.

--------------------------------

Gracen's view

I'm helping my professor grade papers as he walks over, excitedly, to tell me something. "Gracen, I have wonderful news for you!" he says.

"I just got another grant, so I can stay here longer, doing more research. Now I can get more supplies and more people to help. And, I was also wondering if you would permanently be my research assistant for this project," he continues.

"Oh my god, of course I will. How could I ever turn something like this down," I say happily.

"Good, there's also something else. Because of this grant, I will be needing you to stay here a year more after you finish the study abroad program," he adds.

"Wait, hold up, a year?" I ask in disbelief.

"Yes, is that a problem for you?" he asks.

"Umm...No, actually it's fine. I can do that," I blurt out suddenly. What the fuck did I just do? I can't stay another year. That makes about three years and a couple months away from my family. It was bad enough thinking I still had two years, but three now? What did I get myself in the middle of?

While on my way back to my dorm, I check my phone and notice that Emery left a voicemail, I listen to it and it sounds pretty urgent. I'll call her back in a little; I can tell her about this awesome opportunity. I know Emery will be so happy for me and tell me to do it.

When I get in my dorm, I dial her number and she answers after two rings. "Hey, babe."

"Hi, Gracen. How are you?" she asks.

"I'm doing so well. I love it here. My professor even told me that he wants me to be his research assistant! Can you believe that! I'm so excited," I tell her.

"Oh, wow. That's great," she says not as excited as I thought she would be. Her voice seems a little off, I wonder what is wrong.

"What's wrong, Em?" I ask her.

"Nothing. Keep talking to me about this opportunity," she says.

"Okay. Well, the one down side of this, is that I would have to stay here an extra year," I whisper out.

"What!?" she says.

"I know, it's a big thing, but it's worth it," I try to explain.

"Wait, Gracen, before you go on to talk about this more, we need to have a serious conversation. I'm so unbelievably happy for you, I really am, and I know that you will probably be even busier now. But, we also need to work on our relationship, if we want to stay together," she starts.

"What are you talking about, what's wrong with our relationship?" I ask annoyed.

"What do you mean, what's wrong? Garcen, we hardly talk anymore, we don't skype or text," she says.

"That's because I'm really busy, I can't do anything about that Emery," I say back.

"I know you're busy, but you still have to take time to call me or your family. Communication is everything and if we can't talk to each other, are we really in a relationship then?" she says seriously pissing me off.

"Are you blaming me for not being able to call you? Sorry that I get home late and so tired that I just want to sleep. Sorry, that my life is actually going better than yours!" I yell at her.

"Gracen, stop. No one is blaming anyone and that last part was so low for you," she replies, "All I said was that we need to talk, but how is that going to work, if you continue to talk to me like this."

"Then I guess our relationship isn't going to work at all then," I yell, instantly regretting it.

"I guess not then, because I have tried to so hard to keep it together, to be so understanding for you, but if this is how you are going to treat me, then we are done. I can't keep doing this, especially for three more years," she says breaking my heart.

"Wait, Em, please stop. I didn't mean it..." I try to say.

"Maybe, it's best if we just go our separate ways, Gracen."

"Is that what you really want?" I ask her as tears start to roll down my cheeks.

"Of course not, but I just don't see things working out. I love you, Gracen, but if we stay together, we might end up hating one another," Emery says.

"Emery I love you too, and this is why I think we should keep trying. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean anything I said earlier," I beg as I sit down on my bed to stop from falling on the ground.

"Stop, Gracen. I just...I just can't do this anymore. It hurts too much," she says.

"Emery, please, I'm sorry..." I start to say but she cuts me off.

"I just...I just can't, Gracen. I need to go, I'm sorry. I think this is the best thing for the both of us," she says completely breaking my heart.

She hangs up and I immediately start sobbing. This hurts so much; I can't picture my life without her. 

--------------------

author note: What was your reaction to this chapter? Have you ever been in a long distance relationship? Would you be able to be in one?