Unraveling What We Want

37: Heavy

Emery's view

"Your father is gone," echoed all throughout my mind as my phone hit the floor. I didn't bother to pick up the phone, I just stood absolutely still. I stayed still even when Clare called me, she came into the room and asked what was wrong, but I didn't answer. I didn't know how to respond. How do you explain the emptiness and the crushing feeling of my lungs being squeezed. How do I explain that my heart is aching for a person who stopped caring about me a long time ago.

"He's...He's gone," I whisper out, still not moving an inch.

"Who's gone?" asks Clare grabbing on to my shoulders trying to read my facial expression.

"My dad. He's gone..." I whisper out again feeling paralyzed in this moment.

"Emery, I'm so sorry," Clare says immediately hugging me tight, but I didn't hug her. I just stayed stiff in her arms, completely still.

"Emery, let me change and I'll take you to the hospital," she says letting go of me and running to take off the dress.

I tried to move, but I couldn't, I couldn't get myself to move my legs. I tried to say something, anything, but I couldn't. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, no matter how hard a tried. Why the heck was this affecting me so much? I should be angry with my dad, right? It was his fault, he crashed, and he was drinking. I should be blaming him for leaving me again, but I can't. I don't feel angry at all, I just feel empty. It feels like a piece of me was ripped away and I don't get why. I don't get why I'm wishing that I could see him one last time. I would give anything to have him back, to have the caring and funny dad he was before, for just a few minutes. I want goodbye, but I can't seem to ever get that from people I lose.

Clare came back and she helped me make it to the car. Once I sat, I lifted my hand to buckle the seat belt, but the action felt weird. My hand felt so heavy. Everything feels so heavy right now.

We got to the hospital and I met up with the doctor, he wanted to give me more details and to get permission to call other family members.

"After some blood tests, we know he was intoxicated when the crash happened. No one else was hurt, he was the only causality. I'm very sorry for your loss," the doctor says politely.

I didn't once look at the doctor, my eyes were glued to the floor, and I didn't have it in me to look anyone in the eye. They would all look at me in pity and that's the last thing I want right now.

"Would you like to tell your other family members or would you like us to do it?" the doctor asks.

"I'll do it," I whisper out.

The doctor leaves and I look around and see an empty chair, I walk over and sit down and bury my head in my arms. I don't want to look or talk at anyone. I just want to stop this whirlwind of complicated emotions; I just want a second to breathe.

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Gracen's view

I'm lying in bed when I get the phone call from Clare, "Gracen, I won't be able to meet up with you later. Emery is going through a tough thing right now and I don't want to leave her alone."

I immediately sit up alert when she says that, "What's wrong? Is Emery okay?"

"She's physically okay, but maybe not mentally. Her dad died," Clare explained.

My heart dropped when she said that, Emery must be in so much pain. Regardless of all the hell he put her through; I don't think Emery ever stopped caring about him. I need to be there for her, I don't want her going through this alone.

"Where are you guys?" I asked Clare.

"At St. Joseph's hospital."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," I reply before hanging up and running downstairs.

I try to drive as fast as possible within the speed limit to prevent myself from getting a ticket. I finally make it the hospital and my heart is beating more than a hundred beats a minute. I quickly park and get out and jog into the hospital. I look around in a frenzy and out of the corner of my eye, I see Emery sitting down covering her face with her hands. I make my way over to her and sit next to her. Emery shifts and uncovers her face to look at me and I lean over to pull her in for a hug.

She stays in my arms and we stay silent for a while. There was no use in saying anything, I know me being here was more than enough. She wasn't crying at all, she was just trembling in my arms. It was the hardest thing to watch, it hurt seeing her in so much pain. She's normally my strong lighthearted giggling Emery; she almost never shows her real emotions like this. Maybe that's why I love her so much, because even though she goes through so much she always tries to be strong and optimistic. Now it's my turn to be strong for the both of us. I need to be here with her, she's the only thing on my mind. Always has been and always will be.

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author note:

What was your guy's reaction to this sad chapter?