Unraveling What We Want

28: Down the Drain

Emery's view

My heart dropped when Clare said that. I immediately looked at Gracen who was looking at Clare with wide eyes in complete shock. I could feel my heart rate pulsing rapidly as I waited for Gracen to say something, but she stayed quiet and she would not look at me.

"What's going on?" asks Clare worriedly looking at us.

Gracen ignored her and turned to me and I could see a pained look in her face, but she was staring me down with daggers, "You're with him?!"

"I was," I squeaked out.

"Was? Wait, what?" Clare looked at me in confusion.

"Wow! I thought you would have been dating someone with more class or someone that was actually worth it," Gracen spat out.

Clare gasped at Gracen's sudden outburst and Jordie tried to diffuse the tension, "Come on, Gracen, that's a bit too dramatic and plus, they aren't dating anymore. Emery, I doubt that's what Gracen meant to imply."

I clenched my jaw tightly to prevent form saying something that I would regret and took a deep breath before answering, "Excuse me, but you don't have a right to tell me who I can and can't date. I make my own decisions."

"Clearly I can see, only you would think about being too nice to turn someone down with such low standards like Colby," Gracen yelled at me.

Her words hit me hard and I tensed up and could feel my face getting flushed and hear my rapid heartbeat as I harshly retorted, "First of all, you don't ever have the right to talk to me about dating. You think I don't know about all the girls you dated and fucked. Secondly, Colby is not a low standard; he helped pick me back together after we broke up. And lastly, I am done having this ridiculous conversation with you."

I turned and walked away, with every step my anger faded, but my heart started cracking. I made it out of the venue and I kept walking and I didn't know how empty I felt until I felt tears roll down my cheeks. My phone vibrated like crazy as Jordie and Clare called me over and over again, but I didn't want to talk to anyone now. I eventually made it back to my apartment and I slammed my door on the way in and paced around my apartment trying to calm the storm of emotions in my mind. The tears would not stop and my frustration from the last few days was nearing the peak now that I couldn't hold anything back. I wanted to hit something so bad, I wanted to yell and rid myself of all this anger, so I made my way to my kitchen and looked in the cabinet for alcohol. I took out a bottle of wine and uncapped and took a long gulp. I paced around more and stopped in front of my mirror and saw myself holding the entire wine bottle.

Something in me broke as I realized how similar I looked like my dad. When he was upset, he would always grab a bottle of alcohol and hit or break things because he couldn't control his emotions. I felt so much in this moment and I just wanted to stop all the feelings, but I don't want to be like my dad.

I walked to my sink and stood there for a few seconds before dumping the bottle of wine down the drain. I gently put the bottle down and I slowly kneeled on the floor and cried my heart out.

I don't know what to do. I feel so horrible for making Colby love me when I can't love him back. I have feelings for Gracen, but I don't want to feel this pain. I don't want to love her again; I don't want to completely break again when she leaves. What if she never comes back? What if I never feel this way about anyone else again?

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Gracen's view

I was so pissed off with Emery at first, but all that anger left when she said that Colby helped pick back the pieces after we broke up. I kept replaying that over and over again in my head as I made my way back home.

I parked in the driveway and slowly made my way into the house and went straight to my room without saying a word to my family. A few minutes later, Skyler and Spencer entered my room and sat on my bed with me.

"What happened this time?" asked Skyler.

"She had a boyfriend," I simply say as I bury my face on a pillow.

"Had? So, you had a bunch of girlfriends. Why are you so upset about that?" asked Spencer poking me in the ribs.

"Because she didn't tell me she had one recently or that it turned out to be Colby," I mumbled on the pillow.

"Who the heck is Colby?" asked Skyler.

"A guy that tried flirting with her a few years back," I explain.

"So, you mean to tell me you are upset that Emery moved on? Hm, sounds like you still have feelings for her," teased my brother.

"If you didn't still have strong feelings, then you wouldn't have been so over the top jealous," added Spencer.

"No. That's not...no. well..." I answer embarrassingly.

"You're still in love," my siblings sang in unison getting on my nerves.

"I hate you two," I grumpily say as they start laughing.

"So, you're going to tell her right," asks Skyler.

"No, I can't. I probably royally messed things up today with how I acted," I say sadly.

"So, you were jealous!" teases Spencer.

"Okay, okay, yes I was," I retort back.

"Emery deserves to know exactly how you feel, plus you'll regret it if you don't tell her," Skyler says.

"How is it that my thirteen year old brother is giving me dating advice?" I ask.

"I'm mature," he simply states back.

"So, you will tell Emery, right?" asks Spencer.

"Yes I will," I reply.

"Great, now I can finally sleep without you whining all night about Emery," laughed Skyler.

"I'm going to ignore that little comment and say I love you guys," I say hugging them tightly.