Unraveling What We Want

29: Understand Me

Emery's view

I wake up the next morning to a knock on my door. I groggily get up and slowly make my way over to the door, I carefully open the door and there Colby is with a bouquet of roses in his hands. The minute he looks at me his face lights up with a smile and I deeply sigh and await the further break of my heart.

"Good morning, Em," he says cheerfully, not recognizing that my facial expression clearly states that I'm not in the best mood.

"Morning, Colby," I murmur out.

"I brought you these. I wanted to make sure you had the best morning," he says handing the roses to me.

"Colby, this is sweet, but why are you doing this?" I ask him rather harshly.

"Because I love you," he merely states back grabbing my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine.

I slowly pull my hand away and look up at him, "Colby, you can't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because you just can't. Don't say it to me, please. I don't deserve your love, okay."

"I can't help how I feel. I'm just being honest," he explains trying to grab my hand again.

"You're being too pushy, Colby. I'm sorry I don't feel the same way, okay, but you need to stop this," I say.

"I can't. Tell me what to do, I want to make this work," he begs again.

"Colby, please stop. There's nothing you or I or anyone else can do. I'm just not in love with you. Please, understand this, I don't want to keep hurting you."

"Why are you acting like this? You never acted like this before?" he asks.

"I don't know, maybe it's because I finally realized how I felt. I think it's best that you left, Colby."

He scrunches his nose and clenches his jaw tight as he gets pissed off and says, "I don't know what's going on with you, but I'll figure it out. I'll fix this, I'll fix you."

Anger boiled up inside me when he said those words. Who the hell does he think he is? I don't need him to figure anything or fix anything at all.

"I don't need fixing, Colby. Frankly, there is nothing wrong except you not understanding how I feel. I don't need your help with anything. I know myself and I know what I am feeling," I yell before slamming the door in his face.

I groan in frustration and walk over to my couch to lay down and bury my face in a pillow. Just as I'm about to take a nap, I get a text notification on my phone. I lazily stretch my arm out to grab it and read the text from Clare.

"Hey, Emery. Jordie and I were wondering if you were up to get coffee today?"

Well, coffee would help my get my mind of off this messed up situation, so I agreed to go meet them now. I got my but off the couch and went to change and leave to meet them.

A few minutes later, I parked in the Starbuck's parking lot and headed inside. I saw them in a corner table and I walked over to the table greeting Clare and Jordie with a hug before sitting down.

Clare turns to me with a worried look saying, "I'm so sorry, Emery. I didn't know you and Colby broke up and I should have known better than to get Gracen involved in the wedding planning."

"Clare, it's okay. There's nothing you need to be sorry about. I admit, I was really surprised to see Gracen, but it's fine," I tell her grabbing her hand reassuringly.

"Sorry. But, Emery, why didn't you tell me you and Colby ended things. I'm your friend, I should have been there for you," she says tearing up a little.

"No, don't cry Clare. It's just that you're so busy with your wedding and I didn't want you to worry about me," I explain.

"You're my best friend, Emery, if something happens, I want to be there for you no matter what. Promise me that you won't hide anything from me because you don't want me to worry," she says.

I promise and Clare changes topics to ask, "So, what the hell was that between you and Gracen yesterday?"

"I was going to ask too. Is there something going on between you two again?" asks Jordie.

"No...well, I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on either," I answer putting my hands up in frustration.

"Do you still have feelings for Gracen?" Clare asks.

"I don't know. Maybe," I answer turning bright red.

"Does she have feelings for you?" questions Clare.

"I don't know," I say.

"I'm pretty sure she does," adds Jordie.

"What are you feeling when you're with her?" Jordie asks.

"I feel excited, giddy, and heartbroken. Seeing her the first time in Clare's apartment was like getting a rush of emotions all at once kicking me down and overwhelming me with butterflies. I couldn't think straight because waves of memories flooded back into my mind," I explain.

Clare looks at me with sad round eyes, "You love her."

"I don't want to," I say tearing up.

"Why?" Jordie asks giving me a hug.

"I don't want to feel that same pain I felt the first time," I explain.

"Emery, pain is part of life and its part of love too. There's no way around it. If you're not feeling pain every once in a while, the you're not living, Em," Clare tells me.

"I'm tired of it, Clare. I've known pain for such a long time after losing Danny and having to deal with my dad. I've had enough pain to last a lifetime, so I just want a break from it for once," I say.

"Just know, we are here for you, Em. We love you so much," Jordie says and Clare nods along too.