Unraveling What We Want

39: Hope

Emery's view

The next few days felt so chaotic. I felt like I was sucked into a dark whirl pool unable to know which way was up or down. The only way I stayed sane was following the routine of waking up, planning the funeral, and sleeping. Clare, Jordie and Gracen would stop by to help me along in the process, but it was no use, I just felt empty.

I tried listening to Gracen's advice, but when you live your life trying to look strong by not showing emotion it's hard to change the habit. I really appreciate Gracen trying to help me these last few days, she didn't have to. No matter, I can't stop the warm feeling she rises in me. Even though I've been feeling down lately, just seeing her face makes it seem like everything will be okay in the end.

The funeral was the next day, and my family and I stood there as the coffin was lowered into the ground. It was hard to see for me regardless of our rocky relationship. For the first time since the day he passed away, a tear rolled down my cheek as dirt was poured on top of the coffin. I endured a weird feeling, I wasn't angry or sad. I simply felt at peace. Not at peace because he was dead. At peace knowing that he was somewhere better, where he was the father I knew before everything went bad. So, when his coffin was completely buried I walk over to the fresh mound of dirt and kneel to set down a white rose on his tombstone. I stay behind as everyone else leaves; I remain staring at his tomb.

"Goodbye, dad. I love you," I whisper out before walking away.

I don't walk back to the car like everyone else; instead I walk down a small path and find the grave I was looking for.

"Hey, Danny," I say getting closer to the tombstone.

"I guess death is inescapable. I used to be afraid of it, but not anymore. When it comes, I'll welcome it because... I promise I will look back at my life and smile at the number of joy I had. I promise you Danny, I'll make the most out of every day. I love you Danny," I say setting down a white rose on his grave as well.

I follow the path back to my family and my brothers and mom give me a tight hug before we get in the car and drive away from the Cemetery.

When I finally make it back to my apartment I am surprised by Jordie and Clare holding coffee and doughnuts in their hands.

"I love you guys," I say as I hug them and let them in.

"So, how are you feeling?" asked Clare.

"She's not sick, she lost her dad Clare. That's not the right question to ask," comments Jordie.

"Sorry, so, how's Roger?" Clare asks.

"Oh my god," Jordie says face palming.

I can't help but laugh, "We suck at private conversation. By the way, Roger is very good."

"I'm glad we established that your fish is prospering," teased Jordie.

I rolled my eyes at him and turned to Clare, "Just four days away from your big day."

"Oh my god, I can't wait. I'm so excited," Clare squealed.

"Your wedding is going to be perfect," added Jordie.

"Ahh! How will I contain my excitement and tears on the day?" questioned Clare.

"No idea, just know I will be recording you cry," I joked.

"We'll post it on YouTube!" commented Jordie.

"We would get so many views and the video will be viral," I teased.

"No! My tears and runny makeup can't be all over the internet!" yelled Clare, making Jordie and I laugh.

"I can't wait to see Riley and hear his vows. I can't believe I'm going to be married," Clare said.

"I'm so happy for you," I told her.

After a small silence Clare looks over at me and shyly asks, "Are you going to be okay seeing Gracen at the reception and wedding?"

"Yeah, I will. I still need to thank her for being there for me these last few days," I tell them.

"Yeah, I remember that day that you learned the news and Gracen came to you without a hesitation," explained Clare.

"You know, despite whatever happened between you guys, Gracen really cares about you still," adds Jordie.

"I know. Honestly, no matter how hard I try I just can't stop from my feelings for her," I say.

"Really! So, what are you going to do?" questioned Clare.

"Clare, that's not the first thing we should ask Emery to answer," said Jordie. He turned to me and asked, "You love her, right?"

"Yes. I love her with all my heart," I simply reply.

Jordie and Clare look at me in shock and Jordie speaks up, "Woah, I haven't gotten such a straight answer from you that fast before."

"I think my feelings for her have only grown," I add.

"Then you need to go to her now!" said Clare excitedly.

"I can't do something impulsive now. I have to have a talk with Gracen first. I need to know some things before I let my hoped up," I tell her.

"We understand that. Yet, I know you two will be together no matter what. I just have that feeling," commented Jordie.

"Yeah. Your guys love reminds me of Riley and me. You two need to get back together," said Clare.

"We'll see. I just don't want to get my hopes up too soon," I mumble.

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author note:

What did you guys think about this chapter? What do you guys predict for the next chapter?