Unraveling What We Want

36: Loss

Gracen's view

I was focused on myself that I never realized how painful this all was for Emery. I always thought she was okay since she was the one who told me I should go, but I was wrong. It hurts me so much to know that she struggled all those years especially after we broke up. Maybe I should just leave; I don't want to continue hurting her. Maybe I should just stay away except for attending Clare's wedding, and then I'll leave and never bother her again.

When I finally get home I slowly walk up my stairs and head to my room. I grab my laptop and hesitate before searching up a travel site and looking for flights back to Spain. I find one and just end up staring at my computer screen for minutes without doing anything. Then I finally decided to book a flight and I move the mouse to click purchase and print the ticket. I close my laptop and lay down on my bed and I squeeze my eyes shut trying to stop the tears from falling, but it's no use.

The next morning, Spencer walks into my room to wake me up, but I'm already awake. I tried, but I couldn't sleep at all last night. Every time I closed my eyes I would picture Emery and I would start crying again.

Spencer walks closer to me and I can see her glance at the printed plane ticket next to my desk and she sits beside me asking, "When are you leaving?"

"January 7," I answer.

"Two and a half weeks. Wow, that's close. You know I wasn't going to admit this, but I'll be said to see you go, little sis," Spencer says pulling me for a hug.

"Who's going where?" asks Skyler as he barges into the room and jumps on to my bed.

"I have to go back to school soon," I tell him.

"What! Already?" he says.

"Yeah, I do. MY break ends soon, buddy," I explain.

"But, what about your family, friends, Emery?" he asks.

"We'll be okay and so will her friends, Skyler," comments Spencer.

"Okay, but what about Emery? You told her right?" he questions.

"Yeah, I did, but it didn't go well. I should just leave her alone for good this time," I say.

"No! You can't. You guys belong together, I know you two do. You guys have like real love, you know," Skyler says waving his arms around.

"No, we don't. Sometimes, it's not always real love. You're too young, Skyler. You don't have my relationship to compare to anyone else's," I explain.

"Yeah, I do!" he says getting a bit too emotional.

"Really? Who do you compare their relationship to when it comes to love?" asks Spencer.

"To mom and dads. I might not know much about love yet, but I know the way our parents look at each other. Gracen, you and Emery look at each other the same way, I've seen it. You guys are supposed to be together," explains Skyler.

"He has a point there," agrees Spencer.

"Guys, I already messed things up. I don't think I can fix this now," I say.

"You have to try. You love her and she loves you back, Gracen. You have like a second chance, you can't let her go," advises Skyler.

"Skyler, Spencer, come on you guys. Breakfast is ready, let your sister get up," comments my mom as she stands by the door.

Skyler and Spencer get up and leave, while my mom sits next to me, "I know you're hurting, Gracen. I love you so much and so does everyone here. And, I just want you to know that before you go, make sure you unravel whatever the hell it is you really want in life."

My mom gets back up and leaves my room and I'm left to ponder what the hell she means by that. I have no idea what it is I want right now. Right now, I just want to be surrounded by my family instead of alone having to think about everything. I want to finish the study abroad program, it's been such a life changing experience, but I love Emery so much. I'm afraid that if I leave, I'll never get another chance with Emery. I have no idea what I want.

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Emery's view

Eight days until Clare's wedding and everyone's triple checking everything to make sure it will be her dream wedding. For the past few days I've been avoiding Gracen at all costs, I just can't deal with our complicated relationship at all now. There's just so much to focus on now. Today Clare retrying on her wedding dress to make sure it's the one she really wants.

"Emery! I don't know where my veil is," Clare yells freaking out.

"Don't worry, I'll find it," I assure her.

I look around the room, under the table, on the couch and I finally find the veil in a drawer. Just as I'm walking back to Clare my phone starts ringing and I pick it up as I hand Clare the veil.

"Hello. Is this Emery?" asked the stranger.

"Yes it is," I reply.

"We have some rather unfortunate news to tell you about your father. He was admitted to the hospital late last night," they informed me.

"What happened?" I asked worried.

"He was in a car crash, there's suspicion that he was drinking," they told me.

"Is he okay...?" I questioned feeling dread rise in me.

"I'm sorry miss, but your father passed away. We did everything we could, but we couldn't save him," they explained.

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author note: Sorry i forgot to update this book on Wednesday. So, i will update two chapters today. enjoy.