Unraveling What We Want

12: Talking is Important

Emery's view

I stare at my phone, waiting for a text from Gracen, but I get nothing. I'm bummed that we haven't talked at all this week; she's gotten busier since her professor asked her to help him on his research. Now she doesn't really have much time to talk and it's getting harder not wanting to just spend all my time talking with her.

"Why are you pouting? Something going on?" asks Colby as he looks up across the table at me.

"She's probably going to whine about her girlfriend again," Sasha comments next to me. I have never liked her, but she's in my group project, so I have to put up with her.

"What's going on between you and Gracen? Is everything okay?" asks Colby. We have been hanging out more and more, especially since I told him that I only want to be friends. He's accepted it and has been making me feel less lonely lately, he's also been helping my catch up on all my homework. He's a life saver.

"Gracen and I are okay, but she's just busy all the time. I miss her," I explain.

"Have you told her this?" he asks.

"No, I don't want to bother her or make her feel bad about not spending time with me," I reply.

"Look, I get that you don't want to hurt her, but you can't keep putting yourself second. Tell her how you feel," Colby says. I guess he's right. I'm so scared to tell Gracen how I feel because I didn't want her to feel bad about taking this opportunity, but that doesn't mean I have to accept everything she does.

"You're right, Colby. Thank you," I tell him. He just smiles at me and goes back to doing his work. However, I can't do my homework, I just keep wondering what I will tell Gracen later. How do I express to her what I'm feeling?

Why am I having such a hard time with this? We have been together for a long time; I shouldn't feel worried or scared to tell her how I feel. Right?

After I say goodbye to Colby and Sasha I head back to my apartment. I lay my phone on the couch as I pace around my room trying to figure out what to say. Do I just blurt it out or ease it into the conversation? Damn it, why am I so awkward when it comes to these things.

To hell with it, I'll improvise. I grab the phone and dial her number; she picks up on the third ring.

"Hey, Em," she says.

The sound of her voice instantly calms me down, I've missed her voice.

"Hi, Gracen. How are you?" I ask.

"Good, but I've been super busy working for the professors. They have given me so much work lately. By the way why did you call?" she asks.

"What? Am I not allowed to call my girlfriend to just talk about anything?" I ask, a little upset with how she is talking to me.

"That's not what I mean. I just mean, I'm really busy now, babe. So, if you don't have anything important to tell me, I need to go," she responds, making more upset.

"You know what...," I'm about to tell her everything, but something stops me, "never mind, it's not important," I say.

"Okay then, I need to go. Bye, Emery. I love you," she says right before ending the call and giving me a chance to say I love her back.

I sit down on my couch in silence. Damn, why am I so stupid? It wasn't that hard to tell her how I feel, so why couldn't I do it?

Maybe, I just wasn't in the mood. I'll try talking to her tomorrow, I'll tell her I feel then.

But, things don't go the way I plan them too. Gracen is too busy the next day and the day after and the day after.

I haven't spoken to her for about a week and a half and I know this problem just started a bit ago, but I'm growing tired of it. I feel so alone right now.

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Gracen's view

I got back to my dorm room at about eleven p.m. at night and found my roommate Jasmine waiting up for me.

"You realize you have to actually sleep and have a bit of a life, right?" she says.

"I don't have time now, I'm helping the professor with research. When we finish, I get to have my name printed alongside his name on the paper," I explain.

"Is it really worth it though?" she asks.

"Of course it is!" I say back, wondering why she is bringing this up now.

"Look, I get how important this is to you, but you should also realize how important life is. You should be having a little bit more fun, sightseeing more, making friends, calling back your girlfriend," Jasmine says.

"Have you been checking my phone?" I ask as I notice that last thing she added.

"No, I'm not, but don't think I don't notice you ignoring calls from her and your family. Don't push them away. I get it, okay, you're busy, but the longer you ignore them, the more you hurt them," Jasmine says.

"Jasmine, how about you mind your business for now, okay. I'm tired and I don't feel like talking about this right now. Goodnight," I say before turning off the lights and lying down in bed.

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author note: Sorry that this update has taken so long. I'm finally back in my writing mode, so hopefully you guys will get updates more often now.