baby blue eyes// n.g

thirty nine

I slowly turned to my side to see Nash still asleep. I smiled sadly and hugged him tighter. I'm glad he is here, sleeping right next to me. I love Nash a lot, and ever since last night he has been trying his best to make me happy. He even took me out to our favorite frozen yogurt place.

He got my mind off of Nate a tiny bit but there's not really a way I'll stop thinking about it. Nate was so young, too young. I remember one time him and I were in his car parked some random place, I can't remember. We were smoking weed and talking about what we wanted to do in our future. We both loved traveling and so we planned that this summer we were going to travel to California and start from bottom and make it to the top of the state.

But, now I can't.

I don't get to do that, I don't get to see him, I don't get to hug him, I don't get to do anything. He's gone and it's over. There's no getting Nate back, no matter how much I wish I could. I will never get to.

I smiled again at Nash and then peeled the white comforter off of my body. I walked downstairs, the sad atmosphere instantly hitting me. I slowly sauntered into the kitchen to see my mother sitting at the island fiddling around with the string to her bag of tea. I sighed to myself while I watched her so upset.

I opened the fridge carelessly and took out the first piece of food I saw. I grabbed a plate from the cupboard and then set the food on it and threw it in the microwave and hit 60 seconds. I walked over to my mom and wrapped my arms around her gently. I could feel her body sobbing, but no noise came out. Her hands came up to mine and squeezed them tightly acknowledging that I was there.

"I love you, mom." I whispered to her softly.

"Please Cora, please don't leave me." She begged to me with a teary voice making my heart break.

"I won't mom, I promise." I told her. I held her tightly until I heard the microwave go off. I kissed the top of her head and then I left to take my breakfast burrito out of there. I felt to see if it was warm enough and then shut the microwave. I set the burrito on the counter and then put my pointer finger under my mom's chin and slowly lifted her head up.

"Mom, your tiara is falling." I whispered. "Nate, wouldn't want to see that."

"You're right. It's just-losing a child is by far the hardest thing in the world. I still haven't come to realize the fact that his funeral is today. His visitation yesterday was already hard enough, and the fact that I walked over there and saw his body just laying in the casket killed me." She cried. I sighed and then walked around and hugged her tightly. I didn't respond. There was nothing I could really say to be honest.

"I know he doesn't want to see me this way, I get that. And, I sure know this is not how I should be around you. I need to stay strong and not let my emotions show." She sighed wiping her tears away.

"Mom, you need to show your emotions. It's okay to cry, that's what humans do. You are only human mom." I told her. "Don't feel bad about anything."

"Thank you sweetheart, now the funeral starts in 5 hours. Go get ready and get Nash ready." She said. I nodded and walked away. Just as I was almost out of her sight she called my name.

"Oh, Cora!" She called gently as I spun around meeting her face. "Tell Nash thank you, I appreciate how he's been here for you and how he's helped us all through this. I know it's hard on him too." She said. I smiled to myself.

"I will, mom." I smiled to her before descending up the staircase and in to my bedroom, where Nash was no longer at. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion until I saw the lighting in my bathroom change. I walked closer and I saw his shirtless body looking in to the mirror. Still not noticing my presence, he opened snapchat and brought his phone up to take the weirdest mirror picture known to man.