Family is Forever

Chapter 44-day treatment

They had all been weighed and it was Ali's turn first to talk about her weekend and weight. "I lost weight, this last weekend has been...a whirlwind, firstly I found out on Friday night..my mama is awake."
"Yay." Abi smiled as did most of the group. "She is doing great, urm she's speaking fluently in Polish and English and making sense- even cracking jokes. We even planned some stuff for Christmas. She can't remember the attack and she has major muscle weakness. But she's doing great. Urm i had some pasta for dinner in the cafeteria with my cousins boyfriend Ollie, it was quite hard but Ollie is great and doesn't stare at my food or anything. Then slept at my uncles place and had an apple for breakfast- I had some Crisps for morning snack in my mama's hospital room she kept looking at me eating because Zosh told her about my eating disorder. Then a panini for lunch in the staff room with my cousin Zosh....after lunch my mama was at physio and well... I had to talk to the police about some stuff.... they started asking about my mums boyfriend and I had to tell them....because you have to tell the police the truth right... I had to tell them" she took a deep shakey breath "that he rap" she started to cry "that..he he raped me." She even struggled to say the word herself. The rest of the group stayed calm,Elsie gasped but tried to hide it. "I just keep thinking about what he said to me after he said 'if you ever leave I'll kill your  mother, not straight away but I will- know that.' And he's finally tried to do it. He's in police custody now though. For what he did to mama." Elsie handed Ali a tissue. She smiled at her weakly.  "I didn't have dinner, the police just were questioning me. And after I just wanted to go to bed and it was late so me and Zosh went to my uncles and went to bed. I had an apple for breakfast the next day. Zosia and Ollie asked what I wanted to do. I wanted to forget" Ali sighed "forget about everything. So I asked to see what a family friend, Colette and her little daughter Ela who's 4 we're doing, so I ended up going to the zoo with them. I had a tangerine for morning snack. While we were watching the penguins. I was playing in the park with Ela when it was lunch so we went to the cafe and I ordered chicken and chips and veggies. I was really nervous and felt like everyone there was watching me and then Ela asked me if I didn't like my food and I said it was good so she said 'why no eat' and well I didn't have an answer for that so I was upset and excused myself and went to the bathroom and then got upset. So I didn't really end up eating it but had a heart to heart with Col, and she said she's always here for me, and I'm always welcome to come around and playing with Ela to take my mind off things. I had homemade pizza that Ollie made for dinner. This weekend was so tough for me. Because of having to talk and think about the whole rape thing which I had pushed to the back of my mind. And remembering it and being questioned about all the intimate, gory details was horrific. And I know I will probably have to go through it all again in court." Ali took a deep breath in and out as she finished. She hadn't looked up at all during what she had said, she'd only looked at her lap except when Elsie gave her a tissue.
"Ali, you've been so brave," Sue said "you should be very proud of yourself. And I'm happy to hear that your mums doing well."
"Don't blame yourself for your what happened to your mum, the assault, That's what Ricky wanted, but it wasn't your fault at all." Meena added.
"Ko-ham Chey." Elsie struggled to say- Ali had taught her the Polish for love you. "Kocham Cię" Ali replied and smiled through wet eyes at her best friend.  "I know you had a hard weekend, but you must keep you meals and snacks constant." Claire the clinician added. "That's true." Abi smiled "although I've never had a weekend as dramatic as that, the weekend my grandpa died.. a month and a half ago I didn't eat much. I lost a lot of weight and struggled to put it back on and was far more upset and unstable than I would have been if I had kept my meals and snacks in check."
"Thank you, for sharing that with us." Helen looked at Ali who looked at her lap. "I can't imagine how hard it was to tell us that." Ali herself was struggling. Now she had recounted to the police and Zosia what had happened, she still sometimes felt his hands on her, the way it felt to struggle with him on top of her, and worst of all the feeling of being powerless, that she was powerless to stop him.