Family is Forever

Chapter 87- I don't want to die

It was Easter Sunday and they were all wearing the best clothes that they had brought to go to mass. Babcia had asked all the family to go to mass and they would never say no to Babcia. In the Church before the service so many people were coming up to Ali and Zosia and saying how nice it was to see them and asking how they were. Ali leaned over to Zosia and whispered in her ear "I don't know who basically any of these people are."
"Me either" Zosia whispered back.
Once the service started and Kasia had placed herself between her new favourite people, Zosia and Natalia. Ali spotted Roksana, Ewa and their big brother Michał and their parents. She wondered where Roksana's older sister Oliwia (Olivia) was, occasionally Oliwia used to walk Ali, Roksana and Wiktor to school which was funny since Wiktor obviously had a crush on her, despite the fact Oliwia was 3 years older than him.
Roksana smiled at Ali and waved then mouthed in Polish 'meet you outside after the service?' Ali smiled a yes in reply.
The service had a nice sense of familiarity and a little nostalgia for her, she remembered all the words she was supposed to say. After the service all the  adults flowed into the church hall for hot drinks and cakes while Ali found Roksana and they sat on a low wall across the quiet street from the church, Ewa and Kasia were playing with some rocks a few yards to their left. "Your mama hasn't changed or aged a bit!" Ali said to Roksana, "haha I'll have to tell her that, she'll be so happy."
"Michał has though. Where's Oliwia?" Ali asked. Roksana bit her lip "I forgot that you wouldn't know. She died 3 years ago."
"Oh I'm so sorry for your loss Roksana." Ali said hugging her friend. "It's okay she was very ill."
"Did she have cancer? My auntie Ania died of cancer."
"I'm sorry about Ania, I did hear about that. She didn't have cancer she had jadłowstręt psychiczny" Roksana said
"jadłowstręt psychiczny?" Ali repeated questioningly, they were words she hadn't heard before.
"I think you say Anorexia in English." Roksana was looking forward and hadn't seen the change of expression on Ali's face and Roksana continued "she was in and out of hospital, gaining weight and loosing weight, they even stuck a tube down her throat to make her eat.  We thought she was doing better, she was at home. We found out afterwards that she was actually vomiting all her food up. But she went to sleep and her heart just stopped beating and she never woke up." Roksana looked at Ali as she heard her breathing really fast. "Natalia, are you ok." Roksana asked. She didn't understand what was happening Natalia seemed to be having a panic attack. "Kasia, Ewa, can you cross the road carefully and go inside and get Zosia. " Roksana told the little girls "Natalia, what's happening are you ok" Roksana continued.
Kasia was worried about Ali and scanned the hall full of people for Zosia. She couldn't see Zosia but she saw Ollie stood to one side. Eyes on his phone feeling very overwhelmed by all the people speaking a language he didn't understand. "Potrzebujemy Zosia, gdzie ona jest?" Kasia said to him breathlessly. Ollie looked at the small girl, Ewa by her side and wished he knew what she was saying. She was visibly anxious and had said something to do with Zosia. "Are you ok Kasia. Zosia has just gone to the toilet." Kasia and Ewa looked up at him blankly until Kasia took his hand and pulled him outside. As soon as he saw Ali he knew something was wrong she had tears falling down her cheeks and she was visibly pale. He ran over to her and could hear she was breathing erratically. He put a hand on each of her shoulders so she was looking directly at him. "Natalia Breathe," She was struggling to breathe at all "breathe in" he took a deep breath in as Ali tried to do the same "and our..in...and out...in...and out." Ali was still crying but her breathing was more steady. "What happend?" He said to Roksana. Her English wasn't brilliant, she'd chosen to take Russian to a higher level. "I tell Natalia. That my sister die, she start breathe fast. I sorry I made her sad"
"Thank you Roksana can you take the girls inside." He gestured at Kasia and Ewa. And pointed at the entrance to the hall. "We will come in soon." He crouched in front of Ali so his eyes were at the same height as hers. "What's happened Natalia?" He asked his voice full of concern.
"Roksana..a..and Ewa...the..they used to have a big sister ..O..Oliwia" she hiccuped. He nodded "Roksana told me she h..had died. From anorexia." Ollie understood why this had upset Ali and leaned to hug her but she pushed him away and continued. "S..she said th..that they'd all thought that Oliwia was doing better..b..but actually she was throwing up all her food. A..and I know you'll hate me..but I've been doing that too. And I'm scared Ollie, I don't want to die. I used to but I don't want to die anymore. I don't want to die!" She buried her face into his chest as her hiccups turned back into heart wrenching sobs.