Family is Forever

Chapter 58- Useless

"Here you are." Collette said sitting on Ali's bed passing her a glass of water and taking a sip of her cup of tea. "Gosh, I needed that brew. Now love, will you tell me what this was all about?"
"They don't want me anymore. They think I've...stayed out my welcome?" Ali was unsure if the idiom. "Out stayed your welcome? Who said that? Zosia or Ollie?" Colette asked.
"Zosh."
"What did she actually say?"
"You should be living with your mother now. This was never meant to last." Ali quoted. "I don't want to live with mama, I love her but it will be the same. No food in the fridge. No money to buy any. Mum out finding new men to live with. It's basically like living alone. Like I get on so much better with mama now we don't live together. I think it's more than like normal mum and teenager stuff."
"Come on Ali, Zosia's hurting, You know that. I'm sure she didn't mean it. In a bit we'll talk to Ollie. But first, those words on your legs. You're not fat or ugly or a waste of space. And i doubt you're the Polish words you wrote either. I know that me telling you that makes no difference whatsoever to your mindset or body image. But you need to promise me something, next time you want to hurt yourself you ring me ok?" Colette hugged Ali into her chest.
"Natalia," Colette continued softly "Do you know why you do it? What goes through your head?"
"I can't explain, there's lots of reasons. When I'm at Rosehill I have to eat, they make me. So...so I have to hurt myself to punish myself because....because I don't deserve the food." Ali whispered and Colette stayed quiet. "Other times there's a million thoughts going around in my head and when I cut myself, when I see the blood I feel...like...calm and I like the calm so I do it then, it's like I'm addicted to the calm" Ali bit her lip. "And sometimes I just do it and I don't know why. I'm hurting inside so I hurt myself I move the hurt from my head to my skin. It's not like anyone cares anyway." A tear escaped from Ali's eye and she wiped it away with the back of her hand. 
"Oh love," Colette held Ali to her chest again. "So many people love and care about you. Myself included, Ela always asks when she can see 'Natala'. Your mama loves you, Ollie and Zosh even though she can't show it at the moment. Uncle Guy although he can struggle to show it too. And Elsie, and back in Poland, your Polish grandparents. You have so many people who love and care about you. So don't say nobody cares because they do, Ok?"
"It's just so useless, everything is useless. I'm so useless."