Dear Diary [h.s. au]

Chapter Thirty-Two.

(A/N: I'm sorry if this is a bit blah BUT it gets better at the end hehehe)

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DREA’S POV

“I’m going to my room.” – Me, my mum and Michael had arrived from our lovely day at Anne’s house.

Yes, I am being sarcastic.

If it wasn’t for Harry, I’d die of boredom. Or maybe I’d just kill my dad during lunch right there.

That man is fucking infuriating, I can’t stand him.

He is not even my father, he is my sperm donor.

I closed my bedroom door and made my way to the closet to choose a pajama.

I changed and took off my make up in the bathroom.

Usually, I’d go to the balcony and write a bit on my journal just to let my frustrations out but unfortunately, I have no idea where I left it. I guess I could write on my Creative Writing notebook. I barely write on it during class, so it wouldn’t harm anyone. Besides, my teacher never checks our notebooks. So I’m safe.

I chose a pen and sat on the big chair outside. At Anne’s I had no balcony but a small porch. I actually prefer my room at her house than my own here.

Sometimes I just feel like punch my dad right in the face. How dares he coming home after months of doing God knows what with who or even where, thinking everything is going back to what it was before ??? I don’t even understand how my mum let him step a foot in this house. If it was me, I’d shut the door on his face. I can’t fucking stand him not after what he has put me and mum through. During lunch earlier today he didn’t even fucking deny that he had another family ! I pity those poor little kids he probably has for having such a piece of shit as a father. And that new girlfriend of his, I bet he beats her up every night when he comes home drunk. He will never change. He’s still that same drunk, dirtbag, piece of crap of a man. Thank God mum divorced him I don’t know what I was thinking when I didn’t want them to separate. It was the best decision of the year. No, the CENTURY!

Changing the subject… I still can’t believe Harry changed his whole future because of me. He could be in the Army right now but because of me he decided to be an attorney. It was a good decision actually because if he wasn’t here I don’t know what I’d do with myself. Well, I do but it’s better if I don’t talk about it. I am the person he’s taking care of, I am the person he has to protect from the evils in the world and I am so grateful for having him in my life.

We’re still on that friends with benefits phase and to be honest, I don’t mind. Yes, I am crazy about him – I just had to admit it sooner or later – but if this is the best we can do for now, then so be it.

I hardly think of Louis anymore. He’s still there in the back of my heart, in the back of my head but he’s not putting me through hell anymore. He’s been quite quiet lately and it’s a pleasant feeling for my head and soul. If I still have one after all the mistakes I’ve done.

When I’m alone I think about it. What if all this quietness is just a phase ? What if something big is about to happen and everything will be back to the way it was ? Those voices inside my head telling me I’m not worth it, I’m the reason everyone I once cared about walked away, that I am Satan in bone and flesh, that I should be dead instead of Louis and Kim, that everyone would be better off without me. I am almost sure those demons are just waiting for an opening to come back stronger than ever. And I’m scared to death.