Dear Diary [h.s. au]

Chapter Thirty-Eight.

(A/N: I wrote this on a very very sad night so I advise you to get some tissues... I don't know if you'll cry but I know I did. It's been a rough couple of days for me...)

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Everything is numb.

I can’t tell if I’m crying or not, probably am that’s the only thing I was able to do for the past 24 hours.

I can’t feel the water running down my body when I shower.

I can’t feel my mum’s hugs.

I can’t feel anything but pain.

I created this, I am the only one to blame in this whole story.

I was the one who told Harry she loved him when she wasn’t even corresponded, I was the one who let my boyfriend be beaten up to death. Or almost death, cause he’s alive.

I am the only one to blame in all of this.

The pain is so much I can’t feel anything else.

It almost feels like a dream. As if none of this is real, as if this is all some twisted dream I can never wake up from.

“Drea? Is that really you?” – I was outside in the back garden, sitting on the sofa/swing staring at nothing in particular.

I looked up and saw Lottie, Louis’ younger sister. Or one of them, standing on the other side of the fence.

I nodded.

A few minutes later, she appears next to me. Mum must have let her in.

She hugged me. – “I missed you so much! I’m sorry for Louis’ outburst yesterday… I heard everything from my room. I told him it was a bad idea to go introduce himself to you but he didn’t listen. And that happened…” – She sat next to me. – “I can tell you’re not ok…”

I leaned my head against her shoulder and let out a mouthed cry.

She rubbed my back. – “He doesn’t hate you. I know he told you he does, but he doesn’t. He didn’t mean it. He’s just hurt, Drea. He’s hurt because this past year of his life was a complete lie. He found out about a lot of stuff he wasn’t prepared to yesterday. He’s just mad at the world not at you in particular. Please don’t cry, everything’s gonna be fine. He’s gonna come to his senses and realize he was a dick. He will apologize and you guys will make up, I just know it.”

I didn’t say a thing, I just kept crying and listening to her talk. It was good to hear Lottie talk, it’s been a while.

Her words cheered me up a bit, but they weren’t enough. Something was always missing.

She told me all about her new school, her new born brother and sister, basically what happened in her life for the past year.

“I’m glad your life is going well.” – I lifted my head a bit. My neck was already hurting.

“Yours will too. Just have faith.” – She patted my knee.

“Drea?” – Mum peeked through the kitchen window. – “Harry’s here.”

Great. Just what I needed.

“Who’s Harry?” – Lottie asked once I got up and wiped my tears.