Dear Diary [h.s. au]

Chapter Thirty-Nine.

(A/N: Well well well an update after two days.... This is getting fast lol)

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One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

Five weeks have passed since that horrific weekend.

Louise gave me back my journal but she didn’t leave without making a scandal in the middle of campus.

Everybody was staring and honestly I didn’t care. All my secrets were exposed, I didn’t have anything to hide anymore and I just wanted my journal back.

Zayn is the only one who talks to me but I don’t spend much time with him. After knowing who the real guilty one in this story was, Harry apologized to Zayn and they were trying to become friends again. I’d spend time with Zayn during class and sometimes after class when I had to study for my exams. He was always offering to help me study just to keep me company. But as Harry was always calling him during breaks and lunch, I’d have to have lunch in my car, all alone.

People don’t look at me nor whisper things whenever I walk by. It’s like I’m invisible and thank God for it. At least one good thing had to come from this disgrace.

Today. Today is the day of my last exam, which means I am officially on vacation.

I was able to deliver all my essays in time even the one I had to do with Louise. She tried to fuck me up but I turned it around. She only delivered her part of the essay saying I didn’t do anything when in reality at the end of class, I delivered my part which was bigger than hers. In the end I had a better grade than her.

I stared at the clock on the wall. Two minutes until the bell rings. I had finished my exam for about half an hour and I sat there staring at nothing thinking about my miserable life.

No one can go deeper than I’ve gone. I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, my grandma, the only person I was able to love after Louis and the only friend I’ve made after moving to Birmingham. I’ve hit rock bottom and there is nothing or anyone who can take me out of it.

All I’ve been doing since that terrible weekend is study, cry, cut and scream. Scream to make these stupid voices shut up; cry to ease the pain which doesn’t work; study just because I have to; and cut because the voices tell me to.

Go ahead, ruin your life.

Do it Drea, nothing else matters anymore so do it.

Cut yourself, it’s the only good thing you can do with your life.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up.” – I whispered and covered my ears.

“Hey, are you okay?” – A girl who was sat next to me, touched my arm.

“Yeah, don’t worry.” – I brushed it off.

As soon as the bell rang, I jumped out of my seat, grabbed my bag, handed my exam to the teacher and got the hell out of there.

Go through with it this time.

Nobody wants you, what are you still doing here?

You’ve ruined everything, you deserve this.

“Go away.” – I said.

The halls were filled with people. I kept my head down low and walked as fast as I could to my car.