Dear Diary [h.s. au]

Chapter Twenty.

(A/N: OK OK OK PREPARE FOR A BIT OF NOT SMUT BUT ALMOST THERE IDK. You've been warned.)

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Honestly, I am happy. I am, I really am.

And I think I owe it all to Harry.

The past few weeks have been a wakeup call for me. I stopped self-harming, I started smiling and talking a little bit more and I even stopped over analyzing everything I ate.

I even gained a few pounds and I feel better than ever. I was so thin, it felt like I could disappear at any moment.

But there is more.

There is this fire inside me every time I am with Harry. He makes me comfortable…

Whenever he kisses me, I feel like I am about to combust. I don't feel the usual butterflies in my stomach no, I feel DINOSSAURS running in my stomach if that's possible. I feel like the little piece that was missing in my heart is finally there.

I feel so good when I’m with him, but I am so scared to fall in love.

I don’t want to drag him along my demons. They almost ate me alive and even though they have been quite silent lately, I know they will come back stronger than ever sooner or later. They are just waiting for an opening.

Also, I don’t want to make him suffer. I am still in love with Louis, there is no doubt in that I still can feel the little heat I felt whenever I was with him. I know I’ll make him suffer just by that simple feeling.

But he makes me feel so good. He makes me feel happy, alive, he makes me feel... Me.

He treats me so much better than anyone ever did… Well, besides Louis.

They have stuff in common you know ? The way they see the world, how they treat me, and the fact that they both have ink in their arms…

I have a few tattoos as well, but they’re just simple reminders of how good Louis was to me. Of how important he was – and still is – to me.

I think both Harry and Louis complete me, as if they were part of me.

Today is the day. I am twenty years old.

Anne forced me to get out of the house for the day.

Go shopping, get a haircut, get your nails done, do something. – She told me this morning.

And where did I go ? My house. I had brought back all my stuff. My mum is supposed to be back tomorrow so why shouldn’t I be back as well ?

I unpacked everything and put some clean clothes in my bag. I am sure Anne will beg me to stay tonight.

I washed my dirty clothes, had some lunch and cleaned the house. I went to the garden to feel the sun on my skin.

Then I heard it.

I heard voices coming from next door.  That house had been empty for years as someone had told my mum when we first moved in. Maybe someone finally decided to fill it.

I went to the front of the house and peaked through the curtains.

A large vehicle was parked next door and three or four men were transporting boxes into the house.

But I didn’t see anyone who could be my new neighbor. Those men were just working so where was she or he ?

I shrugged, they'll talk to me or my mum eventually it isn't like they can stay hidden forever.