Broken Things (A Supernatural FanFic)

Chapter 43: Dean's Heaven

            I opened my eyes and saw I was standing in the ladies room. This was a good a place as any to pop in. I walked out into the smoke filled room and searched the crowd for my man. I saw the back of his head from the bar. I started quickly toward him, ignoring the looks I got for wearing pajamas. I got to him and I placed my hand on his back. He turned and he looked at me with a smile. I remembered how he was going to pretend to be drunk. I was still supposed to be angry about him talking to Lucifer.

            “Well fancy-“ He started.

            But I reached up and kissed him hard on the mouth. He was taken back but his hands found their way to my waist. This time I wasn’t going to slap him. I wasn’t going to carry his fake drunk self back to the hotel. This time I was going to tell him that I loved him before it was too late. Because I would rather have told him and lose him, then not tell him and lose him without him knowing how I really feel.

            I pulled back and looked into his green eyes. Before he opened his mouth I said it. “I love you.” I whispered. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him close to me. I pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes. “I am so scared of losing you. I didn’t want to say it before beccuase I was scared that if I admitted it, it would be harder to lose you. But I can’t die without you knowing. I can’t go to hell again without saying it to you. I love you so much it hurts.”

            He just stared down at me and I saw the alcohol melt from him. He looked down at me and his arms tightened around me. “I am so sorry that I went behind your back. It isn’t easy for me to say, but I got scared. Everyone that is close to me ends up dead. I can’t have that happen to you.” He gave me a long stare before taking my hand and kissing my nose softly.

            He gladly let me lead him out of the bar. When we hit the outside I looked down at my pajamas and just sighed. I looked up to see Dean staring down at me with longing. I took his hand and leaned against him. We were alone out here.

            “Close your eyes.” I whispered up to him.

            When his eyes were closed I reached my empty hand up and set it over his heart. I pressed the palm of my hand against his chest. Then I concentrated on the feelings that he gave me when he kisses me, or holds me, or even just looks at me. I focused on it and I gave it to him. When I saw his lips turn into a brilliant smile I pulled my hand down.

            “Don’t ever forget that.” I whispered.

            His eyes opened and he looked down at me with no anger or sadness. I saw the years fade from his face. He looked young again, almost like a teenager. He grabbed my waist and pulled me against him. I laughed as he kissed me and pressed me to the wall outside of the bar. I felt the cold brick against my back but I didn’t mind it. It was his chest crushing against me that caught my breath. It was his need to be against me that took my breath away. As he held me and kissed me I felt the underlying truth to this all. Dean and I needed each other, and we were both selfish enough to stand the pain that would inevitably come from our love.

            “Promise me you won’t talk to Lucifer again.” I whispered when our lips parted. “I know what you were trying to do, but believe me when I tell you I can handle it. I have a plan. Maybe after this town blows over and I get the kinks worked out I will tell you. But please, don’t go to him for any kind of help. You are better than that. You are stronger than that.” I gripped his arms and rubbed my forehead against his cheek. I was going to go about this differently than I dreamt. I wasn’t going to slap him. Never.

            I felt him nod against me. “I am sorry.”

            I waited for him to say more but he didn’t. I grasped his hand harder. “No more making deals. No more throwing around your soul like it is worthless. You only have your soul in this world. Nobody is more important. It is you against the world. Sam, Bobby, Cas and I wont always be there. You need to see worth in your life. If it wasn’t for you, so many people would be dead, I would be lost, Sam would be alone, Bobby would be without a little child, and the world would be on the brink of destruction. You are so strong and priceless that I can’t understand why you would be so easy to give up your life.” I looked up into his eyes and saw he had tears running down his face. “I know that you think you are being strong by selling your soul, but you aren’t. The real strength is pushing forward. Please don’t sell yourself short, ever.”