An Agents Life

Flashbacks

I winced as I fell behind an old table that had been turned over. My shoulder still had the knife in it and there was noway I was going to be able to safely pull it out without me bleeding out first. I looked beside me and noticed that Carrie wasn't with me. I came out from over the table with my gun drawn and looked everywhere. I didn't see her.

"Carrie! Carrie!" I shouted over and over again as I looked around. There were already dead bodies from people who had been shot already.

"Maya! Common we got to get out of here!" I looked over to see Farkle with the bomb defuser in his hands. Meaning that there wasn't enough time. I looked around and I still couldn't see Carrie anywhere.

"No! Carrie she's still in here!" I yelled as I tried to get past Farkle.

"Maya I'm sorry but we have to get out of here there's not enough time!" Farkle yelled back at me. I shook my head.

"No! I'm not leaving her I have to find her!" I screamed at him but Farkle pulled me back into him. He had gotten strong since he joined the FBI.

"Maya I'm sorry but this place is about to blow! We have to go!" He said as he started pushing me towards the door.

"No I can't! Carrie!" I yelled as I tried to get around Farkle.

"Maya-!"

"Maya!" I jumped out of my seat as I woke up from the dream. I looked around and saw that we were parked on the side of the road and Lucas as looking down at me from the drivers side. I took a deep breath as I sat up in the seat.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I kept saying over and over again but Lucas shook his head.

"It's fine you just scared me. You were crying for Carrie in your sleep." He said as his face looked horrified. I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair and wiped my slightly sweaty forehead.

"I'm sorry." I said again as I shook my head. I can't stop them from coming. I've had them ever since Carrie died. Lucas continued to look at me concerned. "You better go Josh is going to have a fit if we aren't there by the next hour." I told him as I motioned to the road. Lucas sighed as he put the car in drive and started back onto the main highway.

Josh wanted Lucas and I to visit all three sights of where all three girls were taken. Farkle and I had the best profiling skills when it came to everyone on the team so it would make sense to send us both to the scene of the crime. But Josh wanted me to go with Lucas and Farkle to stay and try to profile the unsub with the file that the police have on him. I'll admit it was good strategy, but I think he's just using it as an excuse to keep Farkle and I away from each other.

"Does anyone else know?" Lucas asked cutting me away from my train of thought.

"What?" I asked confused as I looked at him.

"These nightmares. Does anyone else know about them?" He asked again. I sighed.

"There not called nightmares if they're real." I admitted making Lucas tighten his grip on the steering wheel.

"Okay, Flashbacks." He said. Renaming them. I looked down at my lap before shaking my head.

"Only Farkle, but that's only because he caught me the same way you did." I admitted. Lucas shook his head.

"Have you thought about going and seeing someone?" Lucas asked making me laugh.

"I didn't need a shrink when my dad left I certainly don't need one now." I shook my head as I turned my attention to outside the window.

"Those are two different situations,  Maya. Both in which you've blamed yourself for the inevitable." Lucas said making me snap my head towards him and give him a glare.

"Are you telling me that Carrie dying was fate?" I felt angry at this point. Everyone was willing to accept Carrie's death and move on except for me.

"I'm saying that there was no way you could have saved Carrie that day. If Farkle would have let you go to find Carrie you would be dead as well." He said. I swallowed hard.

"You don't know that." I said as I turned my attention to the window again.

"Yes I do, Maya. You and Farkle barely got out of the building before the bomb went off. I'm sorry that Carrie died and I think about her every day, but I'm glad that it wasn't you or Farkle that was in that building as well. You can call me selfish if you want but at the end of the day I'm not going to go back and change what happened in those few moments." I knew that in one sense Lucas was right. I mean if Farkle and I either one died that day he would have the grief of Riley and himself to deal with. But in another sense if I could go back in time and switch out with Carrie I would.

I winced as we hit a bump and my shoulder made contact with the glass. Lucas noticed and started going slower as we hit a few more.

"Your shoulder okay?" He asked me. I nodded slightly trying not to show the pain that I was having ever few seconds.

"Peachy." I replied. Lucas rolled his eyes as he read into the sarcasm that I was throwing out.

"Have you told Josh about your shoulder?" He asked making me narrow my eye brows at him.

"Why would I do that?" I asked him.

"So that he won't send you out into the field when it comes to getting a lead." He said making me shrug.

"I'm sure he knows. Either he knows or he'll find out one of the two." I replied not really caring at this point.

"Either he knows or I'll tell him." Lucas said making me look at him annoyed. "Seriously Maya, if you're not going to take care of yourself for the sake of you then at least do it for Riley." He said seriously. I bit my lip before looking down at the ground. I decided on not replying to that comment as I knew that if something were to happen to me Riley would go ballistic. "We're here." Lucas said. I immediately put my game face on and we got out of the car.
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More Joshaya coming up, I promise!!