An Agents Life

Missing Her

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Everything felt so empty. Every where he went he couldn't help but think about her. It seemed like everything he looked at brought memories back to his mind when it came to their relationship. It was like he had moved to London all over again. Where everything reminded him of her.

Josh moved around his apartment and stared. He remembered when they had broken up and he had moved to London. For the first six months that he was gone he could do nothing but think about her. It almost got him killed in some areas of his undercover.

He had let his guard down, became vulnerable, he allowed his emotions to get the better of him. He hoped that Maya wasn't making those same mistakes. He hoped that she was staying cautious and being careful.

He also wondered just what she had to do in order to get close to this David guy. He clenched his fists just thinking about it. He had not been able to get the day from the office out of his head either.

It felt so good to have her back in his arms. To hold her and love her like he used to. Like they had gone back in time and nothing had changed. Everything was the same again. He missed that. He wanted to go back to that.

Josh wondered what everyone would say if they knew that him and Maya were one kiss away from making things official again. He had almost asked her in the office, but he knew he couldn't. That would put a strain on her assignment. She would have never been able to keep focus and do what she had to do.

No. He had to wait. He had to do it right. And he would when she got back. When things finally went back to normal. So what if he had to give his job up as team leader. He would do it for her. He would downgrade to a desk job and never go back into the field if it meant that he could be with her. To let her soar in this job and him have to do paperwork for the rest of his life.

He loved her. There was no point in trying to hide it anymore. By the looks he got from his team once she left, he was pretty sure that they all knew, too. Knew what they were up to in his office, knew the emotional strain that it was having on both him and her.

He was always so protective over her. Never wanted her to see things that he's seen. Never wanted her to experience the things that he has. He wanted to shield her, wanted to keep her from harm. But she was too independent for her own good. This was her life, this is what she loved to do.

He had been stupid to try and keep her from this. He knew that. But he couldn't help the monster in his chest from lashing out and taking over. The countless fights and arguments that they had about it, he remembered them like it were yesterday. How their throats had gone horse from all the raw yelling and screaming they did. The doors begins slammed in each other's faces, and the echo of their last words to each other right before it had destroyed what they had.

All of it seemed so long ago, yet he remembered it all like it were yesterday. He wondered how long she had worried about him after he had left to London. She had told him that there were nights that she couldn't sleep because she was wondering how he was doing. If he was still alive.

Now he was the one that was staying up late and thinking about her. Wondering if she was safe or if something had happened in the short time that they saw each other last. Wondering if she were thinking about him, too.

It was his turn to cry in the shower when he thought about her being out there and getting hurt and there was nothing he could do. It was his turn to worry and have nightmares that caused him to become sleep deprived. It was his turn to keep his ears open just in case any news came through about her. It was his turn to be in constant fear that the one he loved might not come back.

It was difficult having to let her go out those doors and not help her like he wanted to. He wanted so badly to crack this case for her, to meet this David guy face to face and take him down personally. But this was so much more to Maya than just a case. This was something that had been haunting her ever since Carry's death. Her mentor, her partner. He owed her this. After everything he had done to their relationship, to her. She was now giving him a second chance. And he wasn't going to blow it.

So he'll cry in the shower, he'll put up with the nightmares, he'll snoop around the office and try to find out anything he can. Because this was Maya. His Maya. He just got her back, and he wasn't letting her go again.
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Shorter than usual chapters. But I wanted you guys to see a little bit of what Josh was going through right now. Thanks for reading! Until next time!