BEEP BEEP BEEP ugh i have to go pick my mom up from the airport. Is it bad that i don't want my mom in la. I crawled out of Ivan's grasp and ran into my closet and put this on
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I grabbed Ivan's hoodie and threw it on over top of my leggings. I walked into the bathroom and fixed my hair. I walked out into my room. I was grabbing my Louis Vuitton purse and about to walk out of my room when Ivan woke up. Ivan: hey where are you going please don't go to the gym again you need a break Jess: no I'm going to get me mom and bro from the airport and drive them to their new house. I rolled my eyes when I said Mom. Ivan: can I come please Jess: fine come on. He got up and put on a thrasher hoodie and sweatpants. we walked down and walked out to my car. I was about to sit in the drivers seat when Ivan stopped me Ivan: I'm driving because I know you have not slept for a week I got out of the car and dropped slammed the keys into his hand Jess: whatever I walked over to the passenger side and sat down in the seat leaning my elbow on the window and my head on my hand I felt bad for being a bitch to Ivan but I am just stressed and I haven't been taking my anger meds or my depression/ stress meds because they make me feel weird and I just hate them. I can't drink or go boxing on them. But when I'm off of them I can't sleep. And to me boxing is more Important than sleep. Ivan was driving at this point and we were almost at the airport. We arrived and got out of the car waiting for them while leaning against it. Jess: I'm sorry I got mad and snapped at you I'm just really stressed lately. He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead Ivan: it's fine beautiful and nice hoodie Jess: oh yeah I like yours more than mine cause they smell like you and I love you. Ivan: I love you too. He pulled me into side hug and I laid my head on his shoulder while we waited for them. We saw them coming and Ivan pulled away from me. Austin ran over to Ivan and hugged him tight Austin: I missed you so much Ivan: I missed you too Jess: yeah wow okay I missed you too He pulled away from Ivan's hug and hugged me Austin: I missed you a lottt too. Jess: you too dork. At this point my mom had walked over to us. Jess: hi Mom I crossed my arms. She walked over and hugged me. I reluctantly hugged back. I pulled away. Jess: Mom this is the love of my life Ivan I side hugged him and smiled at him he put his hand in the small of my back Ivan: hello it's nice to finally meet you He shook her hand With his loose hand. Carol: you too Jess: can we leave now My mom looked at me with a kind of pissed off look. Probably cause she knows about my meds. Ivan got back In the drivers seat and I let my mom sit up front. I sat in the back with Austin. I put her new address into the directions. I laid my head down on Austin's shoulder. We arrived after about 20 minutes. The house was really nice I have to admit.
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It wasn't as big as out old house but it was a lot nicer. We dropped them off and got back in the car to drive home. we were at a stop sign when Ivan asked me a question. Ivan: why were you in a bad mood all night I looked at him and scoffed Jess: because maybe I didn't want my mom in la just maybe I'm not okay with it. Maybe seeing her hurts me nobody ever thought of that. Ivan stopped the car and pulled over. He looked at me in shock. I felt the warm tears rolling down my cheeks. Ivan: princess it's okay Jess: no Ivan it's not. There also has been something I haven't been completely truthful about either. I looked at him and he looked scared like I was cheating which I would never do because my dad used to cheat on my mom all the time. Ivan: wha- wh-what is it Jess: Okay so I have to take meds. One pill for my depression/stress and one for my anger issues. I haven't taken them this whole month. I hate how they make me feel. I also can't box while I'm taking them for my stress at least. And also while I don't take the depression ones I can't sleep. And boxing is a more important part of my life than sleep is. I would not be alive and here with you if it were not for boxing. Two reasons. One because my dad would have killed me if I wasn't strong enough to fight back And two because I would have killed myself. It gave me a reason to live. I looked over at Ivan and he was speechless He started the car and drove home. We pulled in the driveway and walked into the house not saying anything. We walked upstairs together and he walked past my room and into the ratchet room locking the door. I slid down against my door and started crying. I could have lost him just because I told him about those pills that ruin my fucking life. I walked into my room and into the bathroom. I found my blades and pulled them out of the drawer. 1 for love 2 for those fucking pills 1 for Ivan 2 for my fucking family All of a sudden my door burst open. It was Tessa crap. She ran over to where I was sitting on the bathroom floor with tears pouring out of my eyes and blood all over my arm. She must have heard me crying through the wall. Tessa: Jess sweetie what happened. I stayed silent and just cried more Tessa: wait where is Ivan why isn't he with you She grabbed my phone off the counter and called Erika. She told her to come up to us immediately. Within seconds Erika Came bursting through the doors. She ran over to me and hugged me. Erika: sweetie what happened I just cried even harder the Tessa said she would be back and I pulled my knees into my chest. Erika was rubbing my back trying to calm me down.
TESSAS POV
I heard crying through the wall to Jessicas bathroom so I immediately jumped up and ran into her room where I saw her on the bathroom floor with blood all over her arms. I pulled her into a hug then called Erika up. I told Erika to stay with her and I got up and walked To the ratchet room. I put the code in and opened the door Ivan was laying in his old bed. I didn't know if I should wake up Chance or Ivan. She probably would not want Chance to know so I grabbed the sleeve of Ivan's hoodie and his arm and pulled him up out of bed and into the hallway. I shut the door behind me Ivan: Tessa what the hell Tessa: you tell me Ivan: what do you mean Tessa: why didn't you sleep in Jessicas room tonight Ivan: she told me some stuff when we were on our way home from her moms new house and I didn't know how to react so I decided to sleep in there. I grabbed his arm again tighter this time and pulled him with me into her room then the bathroom. Erika was trying to calm her down and where was still blood everywhere Ivan started crying. He looked at her with hurt eyes. She looked up and his and started crying harder. She reached for the blade again but I kicked it away.
JESSICAS POV Tessa came back 5 minutes later with Ivan. I looked at him and cried harder he was crying too but I think he was scared and didn't know what to do. I reached for my blade again but Tessa kicked it away. Jess: I WANNA DIE JUST LET ME END ALL OF THIS PAIN Tessa: no you mean to much to all of us. Ivan ran over to me and pulled me into a tight hug not caring about getting blood on him. Ivan: wh-why was this the choice you made. Why didn't you come talk to me you know I'm always here Jess: BUT YOU WEREN'T. I told you about the meds and everything. I wants to DIE. I'm not going to be able to box anymore because now I'm gonna be forced on those fucking pills. Ivan: Jess calm down it's gonna be okay I'm here now and that's all that matters Jess: NO THATS NOT ALL THAT MATTERS BUT WHATEVER At this point about everyone else in the house was awake and nick and Jake came running into the bathroom and started crying when they saw me. Jess: can someone just clean off the blood and bandage it so I can lay down. Ivan carefully walked to the drawer that I had the bandage it and he carefully put gauze down then wrapped it. Jess: thank you Ivan: no problem babe Jess: wait you dont hate me Ivan: of course not I could never hate you. I might be disappointed because you were doing so good but all that matters is that you are gonna be okay. I Stood up and grabbed both bottles of pulled from under the sink and a cup for water. I filled the cup and put the pills in my mouth and swallowed. That was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Nick and Jerika went to bed and Tessa and Ivan sat on the couch in my room with me. All night. I cuddled into Ivan's chest and Tessa cuddled into my side. We stayed like that all night
