Contemporary Life // FILLIE

Can't Lose You

Finn's POV:

I quickly lurch onto the empty, familiar driveway before shifting into park as I then retrieve my keys from the ignition. Good, his parents aren't home. I climb out of my camero and jog up the walkway to the porch, ringing the doorbell right after. I hear a faint, lazy 'coming' from inside followed by the door swinging open to reveal Jack Dylan Grazer himself. "Hey." I greet, walking past him and straight inside the large home. "Uh.. hey. What's up?" He asks while closing the front door again; taking a drag from his joint afterwards. I turn to him, already smelling the drug's scent throughout the house. "Is it just you?" I question, ignoring his. He shrugs, "Jaeden and Wyatt are here too." I press my lips together as I watch him shuffle on the hardwood over to the living room that's around the corner. It's not too late, you can still go apologize. You can still make things right. "Finn! You wanna joint?" I hear Jaeden shout from the living room. I glance over my shoulder at the front door, fuck it. 

-

Millie's POV:

"No, nuh-uh, there's no fucking way I'm going to go look for his sorry ass." Gaten protests whilst taking the shovel from the back of the van. "C'mon Gaten, you of all people would know that he needs us right now." Sadie pleads. All three of us watch as Gaten walks about 5 yards into the woods and strikes his shovel into the cold, hard ground. "I don't care! Right now I'd rather handle my own shit before helping someone else for a change." He explains as he shovels out a piece of ground and catapults it behind him. "What the hell are you doing?" Noah chimes in, causing Gaten to finally look up from his labor. "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm digging a grave." He answers casually, shoveling once again. "You're actually insane." I confirm honestly, to which he only shrugs. "Alright, fine. Let him dig his stupid grave, right now we gotta find Finn before he does anything he might regret. Obviously he isn't in a good mindset right now." Noah explains, starting to stroll back towards Sadie's jeep with me at his heels. "You coming Sadie?" I yell over my shoulder, watching as she quickly debates on staying with Gaten or tagging along before inevitably running to catch up with us. 

Soon we're all in the car with Noah and Sadie in the front and me in the back, driving down the road. "So how are we supposed to find him exactly?" Sadie mentions, driving with no real destination. Noah pulls out his phone with a smile, "Easy. We can just use Snapchat's location feature." Sadie and I hum as a response, knowing we wouldn't have thought of the idea ourselves. Within minutes Noah is done pinpointing Finn's location and widening his eyes at the results. "What?" The redhead, quickly peeking over at him from the road. "What?!" She repeats with panic in her voice. The hazel eyed boy looks over up at her from his phone emotionlessly, "He's at Jack's." He answers flatly, the answer causing Sadie's face to morph into an even more terrified expression as she presses further down on the gas. "Woah, wait. What's so bad about Jack's place?" I ask curiously, honestly having no clue why their freaking out. "It's best if we don't tell you Mills, just keep cool when we get there. Okay?" Sadie comforts caringly, only making me more worried than before. "Uh.. okay." I respond hesitantly. Yet still suspicious, I decide to just let it be. Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.

After about ten more minutes of driving through town we arrive at the Grazer residence. "Oh yeah, I remember this place." I say aloud as we all jump out of the jeep and make our way to the front door. "It's hard to forget.." Noah mutters, earning an elbow from Sadie as she then rings the doorbell. Seconds later we hear a faint 'come in' from inside, and so we oblige. The two let me go first, allowing me to get a whiff of the retched smell I've sadly gotten to know how to distinguish, the scent of smoking weed. I follow the sound of quiet voices down a small hallway and to turn the corner past the kitchen only to gasp at what beholds in front of me, "Finn?!" The dark, curly haired boy removes the joint from his lips as shock and panic wash over his face. So shocked, that he ends up coughing out puffs of disgusting smoke instantly after. "M-Millie," He utters out in between coughs, noticing the smoke that escapes his lungs that he quickly waves away. "I uh.. didn't know you were coming after me." Finn explains anxiously, trying his best to play it cool despite his bloodshot eyes. 

"Wait, that's Millie?! Holy shit, Finn you scored big time." Jack interrupts, patting Finn on the back in congrats. "Wouldn't be too sure about the whole 'being his'  thing right about now.." I trail off, spotting who I assume is Jaeden snickering beside Wyatt as they continue to smoke. "Oooo, sassy. I like it." Jack winks, to which I return with a warning, fake smile. "Shut up, Grazer." Finn scolds. Elbowing his friend before standing up, only to come over to me. His eyes shifting between the two friends behind me as he does so. Taking my hand, he looks me straight into my eyes- the touch of his hand is almost enough to make me melt, but the bloodshot in his eyes is easily helping me resist. "Can I talk to you, in private?" He whispers, to which I shrug with a 'might as well' attitude. He takes my hand and leads me upstairs and into what I assume to be the parent's bedroom. 

I glance around the room before turning to him, "His parent's room, really Finn?" I snicker, which he ignores. "You weren't supposed to come here." Finn says quietly, throwing his joint in the trashcan beside the bedside. I furrow my brows in offense, "Excuse me?" He let's out a sigh as he runs his hand through his hair. Fucking shit, Finn. It'd be a lot fucking easier to be mad at you if you weren't so freaking hot all the time. "I was just supposed to be able to forget about all of this shit just for an hour, at most. Just to not think for a bit and be happy for once since this happened. But no, instead my problems just come running after me." He vents with a bit of annoyance in his soft voice. "Are you seriously blaming this on me?! You're the one blaming me because I worry about you and don't want you to be a fucking moron? That's bullshit, Finn!" I scold, my accent still making it's way through my words despite my anger that is close to it's boiling point. "Millie, I'm not blaming y-" "Oh really? Well it sounds a lot fucking like it, Mr. Heartthrob. It sounds a lot  fucking like it!" I protest, about to go on until his voice stops me. "Will you please..!" He yells, removing his hand from his cheek. "..stop, calling me that." Finn adds, his voice calming down at the end. "I'm not.. I'm not like that, not anymore." He states quietly. 

I bite my lip as tears threaten to build, a painful lump developing in my throat. "You know.. I don't like doing this. I don't like having to come after you, and see you like this. Do you think I like seeing you fuck up? Well I don't Finn, because it hurts to see you like how I have been seeing you. It hurts so fucking much.. and I'm this close to breaking too." I admit, my lip quivering uncontrollably as I feel warm tear roll down my cheek. "I know can't do this without you. I can't go through this alone.. I need you Finn. And- And there's so many times that I wish we could escape this somehow, where I could just kiss you and it'd actually be you that I'm kissing. But this, it- it isn't you. I miss you so fucking much, but more importantly.. I need you." I cry out, by this time I can't stand the pain in my throat that I just let it out. Let all the tears stream from my eyes, let the sobs escape my throat, just let out all the pain and stress that has so easily built up that I've hidden. "I know I can't magically change you back, or help you... but I can't lose you, not now. Not when I need you the fucking most, Finn." I sob out uncontrollably, watching as he listens with his own tears threatening to spill. 

"Millie.. I-I can't-" He chokes out, resisting to let it out but I can tell he so desperately wants to. I bite my lip to hold back the cries and words that desperately want to come out. I only nod, "I know." Knowing I won't be able to leave if he breaks, I rush out of the room and close the door behind me. Leaving him sitting on the edge of the bed as I run down the stairs with sobs escaping me in every breath. Halfway down I hear a pained, sorrowful cry that comes out as a yell from the room I just left. He broke, he let it out. It takes everything I have to not go back up there, to comfort, to love. But I can't, he needs to do this without me if I want to help him. My cries only intensify after hearing the sound, knowing I can't help him.. I can't save him. Once at the bottom of the stairs Sadie and Noah take me in their arms, no questions, no words. Only sorrow faces and comforting arms as they lead me back to the jeep. They already know. And while Sadie starts the car, my cries still haven't lessened one bit, my eyes haven't left the house I know he's perishing in. Worst of all, the pain in my chest only doubles when the car is driven away from the sight.