Adamantine

Chapter 34

The Proposal

Kumain kami sa isang mamahaling restaurant. Syempre, treat ni Shun.

"How's law school?"

"Maayos naman," sagot niya.

"Hindi ka babalik sa Iloilo?" Tanong ko.

"I think I'll stay here for a while. Ikaw? Hindi ka ba babalik doon?" Tanong niya pabalik.

"Nandito ang trabaho ko," sabi ko at matipid na ngumiti.

"I'll also work here, then," he told me.

"Paano si mommy mo? Sinong susunod sa yapak niya?" Tanong ko. He belongs to a family of businessmen. Her mother runs a prominent and large business and also a lawyer. He's expected to follow his mother's footsteps.

"Nandoon naman si Taichi," aniya. Taichi is his younger brother.

Matapos kumain ay inihatid niya na ako pabalik sa kompanya.

"Samahan nalang kaya muna kita sa opisina mo," aniya.

Napailing ako. "Hindi na kailangan. Baka may gagawin ka pa."

"Wala naman," aniya. "You look lonely."

Pilit akong ngumiti. "I just look lonely but I'm not lonely. Ganito na talaga ako, hindi ba?"

He shook his head in disbelief. "How can you laugh with your friends? I know you're not absolutely happy. Bakit hindi makita ng mga kaibigan mo 'yun?"

He's referring to Kiara, Ediza, Marga and Kim. And, Shun's right. Behind my smiles and laughter, I can't really say that I'm totally happy. Parang hindi pa sapat ang kaibigan ko at masasyang alaala ko para maging masaya. Parang may kulang. Hindi ko lang alam kung ano.

"Shun, I'm not sad all the time." I told him.

"Sometimes, I see you laughing with sorrowful eyes. Please explain that!"

Napabuntong-hininga ako. Pakiramdam ko alam na ng lalake ang pasikot-sikot sa bituka ko eh!

"I don't get it. How can you hide your sadness when you Lyon left you..."

Back in college, Lyon left me. I don't remember shedding a tear. I never did until just recently. I acted like it did not affect me. Pero ngayon ko lang napagtantong ang hirap palang magkunwaring ayos ka lang. I always treat my feelings like a criminal. My feelings get in my way. It makes my decision illogical. It makes me irrational. My feelings are something I can't control. It's better to prison it in a fortress so that it will no longer affect other things about me, anymore.

Although...

You may be able to conceal your feelings in those thick walls you built yourself but as it intensifies, the thick walls will soon crumble down. Sa una lang magiging matibay ang itinayo mong pader, sa katagalan, mabubuwag din ito. Just like any other fortress in ancient times that has now been in ruins.

Nagulat ako nang hinampas ni Shun ang isang kamay sa manibela. Napatingin ako sa kanya na ngayo'y tutok na tutok sa daanan. He bit his lips. I have always appreciated Shun's concern. In fact, I had admired him and had been infatuated to him for a long time. Pero, hanggang doon lang iyon. I'm already twenty-four. I can decipher my feelings. Alam kong hindi siya iyong tinitibok ng puso ko. Shun has always been a part of my heart but there's one person who took the biggest chunk of it aside from my family.

That's Lyon.

"Sana kasi hindi na kayo nagkita eh...," aniya. May bahid ang tono ng pananalita niya ng paghihinayang.