Adamantine

Chapter 37

Garden

Shun brought me to a flower garden. Malayo-layo rin ito mula sa syudad.

I took off my shades. Hindi ko rin naman magagamit. Makulimlim ang kalangitan pero hindi naman nagbabadya ang ulan. Hindi rin malakas ang hangin ngunit malamig ang buong lugar. Natural din ito dahil palapit na ang buwan ng Pebrero. Punumpuno ang buong lugar ng samu't saring bulaklak. The spot has been designed to give off Dutch vibes.

"Does this somehow make you remember Iloilo?" Tanong niya.

I stared at him blankly.

"I know you miss it. Ayaw mo namang umuwi. I know you miss your flower plantation. Kaya dito na lang kita naisipang dalhin." Napakamot siya ng ulo. "I'm sure this is nothing compared to your flower plantation, though..."

Shun knew about our farm but he never went there.

I smiled bitterly. "Okay lang. Maganda naman ang garden na'to."

"And I don't think, Lyon left a memory with you with flowers..."

He actually has. I remembered the everlasting flowers and cactus he gave me back when we were still in first year college. I wonder if Tita Lyola had taken care of it. I didn't mind looking at it when Lyon was gone. Ang alam ko lang nasa garden ni Tita ang cactus habang nasa altar naman ang everlasting flowers.

I giggled. "Courtship involves flowers, Shun. Hindi pwedeng hindi ako nabigyan ng bulaklak ni Lyon habang nanliligaw siya."

Napakagat siya ng labi. "But he never brought you into a garden or flower plantation, right?"

"Right, but our land stretched from San Miguel to Leon. Natama sa Leon ang flower plantation namin."

Kahit saan, Lyon pa rin ang naaalala ko. Hang-over pa rin ako sa sagutan namin kahapon.

Bumagsak ang balikat ni Shun. I know he cares about me. I just don't know if he still likes me like how he did before. Or maybe his feelings had now transformed into something filial. Something brotherly...?

Like what happened to me. I had a crush for him for a long time. Akala ko siya na talaga ang gugustuhin ko pero dahan-dahan rin itong nawala. Napagtanto ko na lang na hanggang bilang kapatid na lang ang pagtingin ko sa kanya.

He is a brother to me. He is someone who knows my pain even if I won't tell.

"We can go to some other place if you want?" He offered.

"Let's stay here for a while." Napaupo ako sa isang swing habang napapalibutan ng mga kulay purple na mga bulaklak.

Helena loves purple. Dammit! I miss my sister.

Ilang taon ko rin isinantabi ang aking nararamdamang pangungulila. Now they're gone...

Ilang taon ko rin kaya isasantabi ang nararamdaman para kay Lyon? It is tougher that I thought. I thought my feelings for him weakened. But, when he showed up to me again, it just intensified!

Napailing ako sa aking sarili. I have memorized every inch of him. How he fired up in rage. How his eyes slowly close when frustrated. How he gritted his teeth and how he tells me that he's jealous. Memoryado ko rin ang bawat pagkunot ng noo niya kapag iritado at ang pagtaas ng mga kilay na mapanuya.

I smiled bitterly. I guess my feelings for him will stay unchangeable.

I am always stuck in confusion. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang nararapat na gawin. Tama bang magpadala sa galit? Tama bang hindi dinggin ang paliwanag niya? Pero paano naman kung isa nga siyang manloloko? I don't want to hear his words and believe in it dahil natatakot akong mauto muli. I am a gullible person and I don't want to show him that I am this vulnerable.

Sa mga naranasan ko na, hindi ko mapigilang isipin ang maraming posibleng kahihinatnan nito.

If I believe him, he might be manipulating me. He might laugh at me in the end. Ayaw ko ng ganoon. Masakit sa pride.

He is acquainted with Tito Fenrir. Ano pa ba ang dapat kong isipin?

Bigla kong naramdaman ang mainit na palad ni Shun. Ipinatong niya ang kanyang kamay sa aking kamay.

He looked at me softly. "Papayag ka ba sa gusto niya?" His tone was sad and worried. It was even so soft that it was like a whisper.

"Sinabi ko naman sa iyo, hindi ba? Hindi ako papayag. Hindi ako magpapapikot sa kanya."

"Pero kung hindi kayo nagkakaganito, papayag kang pikutin ka na lang niya, hindi ba?" Tanong niya muli.

If circumstances were different, Lyon does not need to force me to marry him.

I fell silent. I don't know how to answer it properly. Parang kasing may kung anong bumara sa lalamunan ko. Sa halip ay matipid ko siyang nginitian.

He got it immediately. Dahan-dahan siyang tumango. "Okay. You still love him, huh?" He bitterly said. "Kahit may atraso siya sa iyo, siya pa rin. Kahit galit ka sa kanya, siya pa rin."

Anger and love are two different emotions. Kahit ako, hindi ko rin mapagtanto kung paano ko nararamdaman ang dalawang magkaibang bagay na ito.

Ayaw ko mang aminin pero ang galit ko sa kanya, posibleng mapawi. Posibleng mawala.

"Can't you divert your attention back to me again?" Napatingin ako kay Shun na ngayo'y umiiwas na ng tingin. "I know that sounded desperate of me..."

Sinubukan kong mahagip ang mga titig niya ngunit patuloy niya itong inililihis.

He knows I had liked him. He knows that he has been my crush in highschool. I got to tell him that.

Napatitig ako sa kanya. Can I like him again?

"Hindi ko kaya," sabi ko.

"But, you were able to do it before!" Nagtiim-baga siya. I used to like Shun but I fell for Lyon. Noon, akala ko pwede ko ngang itransfer ang nararamdaman ko sa isang tao sa isa pang tao pero hindi pala pwede. Hindi ko makakaya. You can't teach yourself who to fall in love. You just simply fall for them.

"Iba ang kay Lyon, pwede ba?" Medyo iritado kong saad. "And I don't want to talk about him even just for this day."

"I'm sorry." He looked at me apologetically. "Gusto mo manood na lang tayo ng sine?"

"Okay."

Naglakad kami palabas ng hardin. Hinahawakan ni Shun ang kamay ko upang alalayan ako sa bawat paghakbang ko. Kung alam ko lang na dito kami pupunta, sana hindi ako nagsuot ng wedge. Tapos nag-dress pa ako. Medyo nagsisisi ako sa sinuot ko! Kahit kumportable naman ako, I feel like my outfit does not fit this place.

"Miss Alvia." Umangat ang tingin ko sa sekretarya kong nakaharang na sa daanan namin ni Shun.

Namilog ang mga mata ko. "Marites, bakit ka nandito?"

Sa hindi kalayuan ay nakita ko ang pulang Rolls-Royce. Its flashy red color is out of place in this gloomy environment. Nakakaagaw pansin ang kulay. Plus the fact, that it's a very expensive luxury car. Nakasisilaw tingnan. Pero mas lalong nakasisilaw dahil sa signature Spirit of Ecstasy na nakatungtong sa unahan ng kanyang sasakyan.

"Uhmm... Kasi po... Si Sir Maxwell, pinapasundo ka," aniya.

How did my secretary know I'm here? And, the Rolls-Royce Ghost over there is totally not mine!

I gave her a puzzled look. "Bakit naman?"

"Importante po kasi," aniya.

I saw the red luxury car's window roll down. Naroon si Lyon na hindi na mai-spelling ang itsura.

Liningon ko si Shun. "I have to go."

Hinigpitan ni Shun ang kamay ko.

"I'll text you. I have to go," ulit ko.

Bigla niya akong hinalikan sa pisngi. Nabigla ako sa ginawa niya at hindi agad naka-react.

"Alright," Shun said and unwillingly let go of my hand.

Habang papuntang sasakyan ay pinagbuksan agad ako ng pinto. I sat beside the now furious Lyon. Nakahalukipkip lamang siya habang matalim akong tinititigan.

👠

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