Adamantine

Chapter 35

Anger and Love

"Just marry me..."

If this is a normal situation, papayag ako agad sa hiling niya. Kaso, hindi eh...

"Ano ba talaga ang kailangan mo, ha?" Naitulak ko siya ng malakas.

"I want you," mataman niyang tugon.

Tuluyan nang nagsitulo ang aking mga luha. I don't know how to face him after this.

"Hush..." He cupped my face and wiped my tears away. "Mahal na mahal kita, Yestia."

Nanginig ang mga labi ko. Even he was away my feelings for him never ceased. It even intensified! Mahal ko siya pero alam kong hindi niya ako mahal. He shouldn't have left me. He shouldn't be with Dimaria. His eyes look so genuine that I'm about to believe. However, gods are decietful. He is decietful. I don't want to be his victim, again.

My logic always wins over the whole system. Kahit mahirap kalabanin ang  puso ay pinilit ko pa ring talunin ito. Kahit alam kong maaari akong magsisi at maghinayang, kailangan kong isipin ang kapakanan ko. I made a wrong move when I attached myself to Lyon. Hindi na dapat ako nagpadala sa mga nararamdaman. I mean getting driven by your feelings is illegal. Noong handa na akong aminin sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko ay iniwan na niya ako. I can't let that happen. I know my brain is wiser than my heart.

Umiling ako. "Ayaw ko," mahina kong sinabi.

Kalungkutan ang nakita ko sa kanyang mga mata. His face full of disappointment. Is he disappointed because he thinks I cannot love him back? Hindi, Erina. He is just disappointed because you did not allow yourself to be decieved by him.

"Gagawin ko lahat, Yestia. Ibabalik ko ang lahat. I'll even give all my share here in this company for you," aniya. "I want you to submit yourself to me."

Should I surrender? Ngayong, mahirap na ibalik ang tiwala? He left me. Ayaw kong maulit. Geez! Is he even trusted in the first place? Ano ba?!

Submitting myself to him would mean submitting to Dimaria and Tito Fenrir! Kailangan ko pa talaga kumbinsihin ang bawat hibla ng kalamnan ko para umalab sila sa poot at galit at hindi sa pagkagusto sa taong nasa harap ko ngayon. I learned that I may have no absolute control with myself, with my heart, pero alam kong hindi dapat minamahal ang taong tulad ni Lyon. Ang dapat sa kaniya kasuklaman.

I bit my lips. Pilit akong umiling. I have the choice to say yes but I said no. I can't just let him enter again. Minsan na akong nadapa sa isang kasalanan. Pinilit kong makabangon. Ayaw kong madapa ulit sa parehong dahilan.

"Please..." Namamaos na ang kanyang boses. "Yestia... Please..."

Iniwas ko ang aking mga tingin sa kanya. Ayaw kong makita ang mga malulungkot niyang mga mata. Ayaw kong makita ang mukha niyang punumpuno ng kabiguan. Baka bigla na lamang akong lumambot at sumuko sa kanya.

"I can't," I said as firm as I could.

He groaned in frustration and turned his back at me. Ginulo niya ang kanyang buhok. Umangat-baba ang balikat niya. He breathe heavily.

Binaling niya ulit ang tingin sa akin. A tear rolled down his face.

Damn! I just can't look at him. This is the most ungodly thing he did. I never asked to have a god cry in front me. I mean gods don't cry over someone inferior than them!

And what is he hiding beneath his sleeves? Hindi pa ba tapos ang plano nila? I reminded myself that he is a decietful god. Let me rephrase that! He is an evil creature disguised in the most beautiful form.