Desires

•CHAPTER VI•

I fell asleep that night with noisy thoughts in my head. Why was my mother acting odd? Where was she? Why was I getting bad vibes from Mrs Elm? Who is Romeo? I barely know anything about him. All I know is that he will be going to the same school as me starting tomorrow. Of course, I almost forgot. I have school tomorrow.

What would the school be like? How many teens are there in this town? Will they all be weird and creepy? Then I had to think about making friends and socialising. Great. I decided that the worst case is that I don't eat lunch and hide somewhere until lunch is over and sit wherever the teacher places me in class then go home like nothing happened. I laughed at the pity I was giving myself, what a sad trail of thought. But it was reality that I could live.
Then Roman popped into my thoughts again. He often did when I had an override of anxieties. Would he speak to me at school? Or would he ignore me and pretend he didn't see me at all? Or maybe he won't recognise me. Maybe it was too dark in the forest for him to take in a notable account of my face. What did my fave look like at the time? The wind was blowing for sure so my hair must have been a matted mess. It was slightly cold so my puffy cheeks and buttony nose must have been slightly red. I'm sure I had bags under my blue eyes due to the night before. I had inherited my blue eyes from my father. My eyes were my favourite thing about myself. When I say favourite I mean most tolerable. They are big and framed with dark lashes. But they glowed with a glassy doll like blue.

Thinking of my father made me wonder if he would call anytime soon, as I never called him. It was just always this way. I didn't want him to feel like I was needy or a bother than I already was. Usually back in Oakton before my parents divorce, my father would call my mother when he was away on his business trips. Then my mother would pass the phone onto me but not before having a word in to him. To be honest it's a bit of an awkward situation. What would he say to her now that they aren't married? They were going to "be mature" about it, says my dad. I remember when he called me into his study that night.

I flicked the page of my book "Looking For Alaska" when I was interrupted by my father calling me. He didn't need to call twice as I was already rushing down there to keep his patience. I nearly tripped on the stairs. I got to his study door that was always shut, and sometimes locked when my parents were away. I knocked lightly twice. "Come in" he said and I twisted the brass handle. I hadn't been in his study for years. It still looked the same. The usual dark floorboards and long oak table in the middle. A desk filled with papers hanging off the edge in the corner and a lamp lighting the room with a warm hue. I already knew this was serious by the fact that he called me into his study as it was an unwritten rule that I was not allowed in there. No one was. I barely saw my mother in there either. So it shocks me to see my mother sitting across from my father in a distant manner.
"Come sit, your mother and I would like to speak to you." He said and gestured to the seat at the end of the table, in between them both. I swallowed and sat as he ordered.
My father made eye contact with my mother. They looked at each other as if to say who was going to tell me whatever it as they needed to. "You're mother and I-" "are getting a divorce" my mother interrupted as she looked away. The word 'divorce' seems like a naughty word to use in a happy normal family. But hearing it in my family didn't feel exactly wrong. I wasn't sure what they expected me to do or say. All I could manage was to look at my mother and father. I knew something was going on. Something hush hush over the past few months that kept my father in his study more often and my mother silent at mealtimes. I could feel the tension hanging in the room and I simply just blinked as my father filled he silence going over what was legally going to happen...

The flashback made me sigh and shift to my side curling my legs up to chest and clasping my hands together. I closed my eyes tightly to force myself asleep but instead I fell into a dream.

I was in the clearing of the forest again. But ur was sunny, the sun was bright and shining heavily through the leaves, and into my face. There as no wind and I was sure I could feel the warm rays of the sun on my skin. But all of the glow of the sun had stopped as soon as a voice behind me whispered "Azra". I turn around to see that it was Romeo, but instead his eyes where a bright emerald green. They were shining and glistening like jewels. But behind him, the forest was dark. It was laid with a layer of mist that was coming toward me. The trees looks like shadow figures with spindly frames. I widen my eyes in confusion and step back expecting the other half of the forest to be filled with sunlight but I was wrong. Instead I'm surrounded by dark forest where the trees are multiplying and growing over each other. I try to move but I can't. I'm stuck. Romeo is not there anymore, in replacement of him is a twisted tree with markings looking like a victim screaming.

And that's when I awake in cold sweat sitting in my bed. My duvet is hanging half on the floor and I'm out of breath.

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authors note:

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! If you did, leave a comment/vote as it let's me know if you want more!

updated: 6th/feb/2018

-kiim