Desires

•CHAPTER LXII•

The blur of dark green trees passing the window drowns me into a hazy half awake conciseness. The sun has began to set and soon we're driving toward the purply dark crowd of clouds cast with silhouettes of tall pine trees. I can tell that we're out of Morgenstel because of the way the trees grow. They're much taller and stiffer, clustering together like they've been copied and pasted over valleys and mountains instead of the twisted mess of dewy roots and trees that habitate Morgen.

As I look outside my own eyes catch myself in the mirror. I glance behind me to see Charlie's eyelids shut softly with her knees clung to her chest.

I wonder what she's dreaming about. Maybe a forecast for what is to come? I hope this is the case as she doesn't look disturbed. A little tired perhaps but at least she isn't having a nightmare.
I imagine poor Cole who is very much still human trying to help his four legged family, feeling perhaps helpless and weak for being so human. Levi's purely white fur rising on his back as he lays down, his paws mattered with the blood of the red eyes wolves followed by Anna who I don't want to imagine. I see Gabby holding the head of her son on her lap gently stroking Levi's fur. A bubbling Mila who is slightly disturbed by her family in despair, holding Jason's hand, clinging onto her eldest brother, joined by Jack and Mr Vissa as they try and form a plan. I assume Mrs Vissa is concocting a spell or perhaps recovering from her magic.

"You can rest if you like." Romeo says barely parting his lips, keeping his eyes on the road though I know they were on me just now.
I shake my head. My thoughts of everyone back in Morgenstel are piling away and making me too tired to sleep.
He exhales through stiff lips, I wish I could know what he was thinking.

Part of me is furious that he has kept this from me for so long. That he knew before he met me. I feel like a lab rat almost.
But the other part of me wants to touch him and kiss him. I want to reach over, forget that he's driving or and kiss his soft lips like I've been longing to.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.
"I have a small headache. Nothing major."
I fiddle with a ring on my finger trying to alleviate the silence.
"Azra, I'm really sorry. I can't express the guilt I feel. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to freak out. I didn't want you to be overwhelmed by everything." He says and keeps his eyes on the road. "But I don't know what eats me away more. My guilt or...my naivety." His hand grips on the steering wheel, as his jaw tenses. "How could I have not known? I should have seen the signs. Your heartbeat for one, your constant fear of your mother coming home, before when you were so terrified that your mum would come home and find you in the study...all of it and more."
"I couldn't remember most of it." I say quietly.
"But you still knew. How could this have happened to you?" He says with a pain in his voice that cracks.
I shrug unsure of what to say. The discomfort around my mother that I had just now understand was still on my mind.
"How could someone want to harm you?" He says and his eyes find mine. They lock looking at me with intense hurt and guilt.

My hand reaches for his and we clasp them together like magnets that have been pulled apart for so long, desperate to feel the coolness of his hand through my warmth.
"I'm so, so, sorry. I wish I could have made you feel that you could tell me." He says and his fingers tighten around my hand.
I give him a weak smile. "It's not that. I barely realised myself. We just needed time, especially with everything going on." I say.

He looks at me hopefully and his lip tightens
"It hurts me." He says and rubs his thumb on the back of my hand smoothly. "It hurts me to know that someone like your own mother would want to do this to you."
I look down at our pale hands intertwined.
"Me too." I say softly.
"You don't ever have to go back. You know that right?" His dark brows lit with the green of his eyes.
"But where would I go? I haven't spoken to my father since I left Oakton. I barely know my aunts and uncles, and if I did leave that means I wouldn't be in Morgenstel anymore."

That also means I wouldn't see the green of his eyes again. I wouldn't see Charlie or the twins. They would just be a part of my life that I would have to push away like my old friends.

"No, you can stay." He says urgently like I said cursed words he was trying to cover up. "You can stay...with me."
My heart quickens and it paces more now that I feel embarrassed. "Are you-"
"I'm asking if you want to live with me. Once everything settles of course and we can go back." He says and his green eyes look like those of a hopeful child.

I can't get any words out of my throat and instead of addressing anything else I come up with excuses.
"What about my mother? What do we tell her? How do I pack everything? I have a lot of things-"
"Azra." He says and starts chuckling. "We can sort all of that."
After a pause of smitten silence I nod. "Okay. We'll see." I tease.
"I'll take that as a yes." He says and kisses my hand sealing the deal.

"Are we there yet?" Charlie grumbles and shifts in her seat with a tiresome look and a long yawn causing us to laugh.

▲▽▲▽▲▽▲
authors note:

thank you for reading!

please vote/comment!

-kiim