Desires

•CHAPTER XXXVI•

"Romeo-"
"Tell me what's wrong." His eyebrows knit into a frown as my eyes glance from the rear view of the mirror and then to him.
"You're being stupid, just drive." I say, having this itching worry that a car is going to crash into us.
"I'm not going to drive until you tell me-"
"Why are you so stubborn?!" I half yell.

He looks at me intently. Like he trying to guess, and he does.
"Is it something that happened at tryouts?"
"What? No, just drive please?" He ignores me
"Is it the twins? Something they said?"
"No Romeo-"
"Charlie?"
"No-"
"Your mum?"
I part my mouth to deny all the accusations. But he interrupts me.
"Is it me?"
"GOD ROMEO ITS YOU!"

The harsh tone of my shrilled voice rings in my own ears. The silence that follows is thick and heavy like syrup.
He moves back slightly and his eyes that were locked with mine dart to the window.
I swallow, my throat sore form the sudden shouting.
I feel a punch of guilt in my stomach as I look at his face. But the other part of me barks anger as I imagine a smirk on his face as he talked to the other girls who sit here I sit now.

I scoff and shake my head.
"You know, it's not actually you. It's me." I say and tug a smile at the corners of my lips.
"What? What are you talking about-"
"I saw you." I push the word through my teeth like tar. "I saw you today...with her."
The image of the blonde girl flicking her hair appears in my head.
"Azra that's-"
"I don't want to know!" I state and it shocks him. His green eyes widen and he looks hurt.
"Azra please, it's not-"
"It's not what it looks like? Like there haven't been a hundred other girls in this car. Like I can just keep ignoring that? I don't want to be that girl in your car. I don't want to be that girl that sits here clinging onto something that will never be. I'm stupid enough to follow in their footsteps."

The hairs on my neck stand up and I feel an uncomfortable chill run down my spine.
His lips part, unable to say anything.
I notice my eyes are prickling, on the verge of tears.

"Please understand, that you aren't like that." He says slowly like I'm fragile. "I can explain all of that, Azra. But please, don't think that. You aren't stupid, you're amazing. You're smart, beautiful and talented. No one can ever replace you, ever okay? I want you to know that I don't see you like that. I would never, it's a privilege to even be able to look at you. Please Azra."
His cold hand reaches out for mine. At first it's a surprise and out of reaction, I wonder why it is always so cold. But I know why now.
It's because the blood running through his veins is still, and cold. He has no heartbeat. But he had a heart.

The girls he has had, they never remember anything. Because he compels them.
It hits me now what he really is. What he needs in order to flash those emerald orbs or to graze his lips upon mine. He needs blood.

I finally wrap my fingers around his and he looks relieved.
He lets out a breath from his parted lips like he was holding it the whole time.
He closes his eyes and tightens his grip around my hand as he looks down, afraid that I will reject him.
I understand now.
"I believe you." I whisper and push his brown chestnut hair back.
He looks up at me with round eyes and the years that were threatened to escape out of my eyes disappear.

We arrive at my gate, our hands still enclosed with one another throughout the whole journey.
His smile turns back into his stoic pout.
"What is it?" I say as he stops the car, he can hear something I can't.
"You have a guest." He says and looks at me, confused. "It's not your dad, right?"
I shake my head. My father is no where near Morgenstel.
"Can't be."
"What about that guy with your mum?"
I look at him with a pleading look.
I really hope not. I wasn't sure what I would say to him or to my own mother.
"It's going to be fine Azra." He says and places a comforting hand in my knee.
"Can't you come in with me? Say we're studying or something." I ask.
He shakes his head. "You're going to have to meet him at some point. Come on, I'll see you soon okay?"
I nod, knowing he's right. I have to be mature about this.
He leans across and plants a kiss on my cheek which I kindly accept.
I feel giddy and acknowledge that this is what the girls feel like in all the movies.

I step out of the car and turn around, giving him one last glance before I step into my house and he drives away.

I hear mumbling and a laugh coming from the light of the kitchen.
The door is open and the smell of a savoury dish wriggles it's way into my nose.
"Azra? Are you home?" My mother calls. Her voice is different. It sounds brighter and like she has been smiling for years, like those women on those adverts that try to sell you cleaning fluids. It's too fake.
"Y-yeah..." I reply and slowly make my way to the kitchen where I see my mother with her hair straightened and styled neatly. Next to her is her boss.
He's taken his blazer off and hung it around the dining chair.

He's tall and has a square face, half covered by a dark shadow of scruff. He has dark slicked back hair and dark eyebrows that give me a sense of domination.
"Uh hey.." I say quietly feeling small.
Our first encounter was awkward enough.
"Hey there, I'm Jack." He says and takes out his hand. My mother looks at me hopefully.
I take off my bag and shake his hand gingerly.
The silence between us floods the room as we both intensely stare at each other. Either one of us can break each others relationship so a good impression counts.
"Could you set the table for me darling?" My mother says and places a hand on Jack's forearm.
The sight makes me sick so I oblige immediately.

I make my way through to the dining table and do as I'm told. Although I can hear whispering.
They're doing that thing that adults do when they thing you're not there. There was barely a wall there to separate us, yet they talk like I'm miles away.

"What should I say?" He whispers.
"Just ask about school and teenager things." She replies "You're doing well already."

I roll my eyes, this dinner was going to be awkward.

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authors note:

school is a load of bs.

please vote/comment!!

-kiim