Desires

•CHAPTER III•

The next morning I was already awake. I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling hearing the tweeting of the morning birds and occasionally the whooshing sound of a car driving past on the wet road outside the house.
I open my eyes and sit up, checking the time to see that it was 6:02AM. I decide that it is an acceptable time to be up and awake without judgement and so I stand. It's only then that I realise how cold it actually was, when I was stripped from my warm cocoon of my bed. My feet touch the cold hardwood and a shiver finds its way up my spine. I make a mental note to buy a rug at some point.

Looking around my room I see that it is bare and maybe that's why it feels so cold and alone. Like no one lives here and no one had lived here for years. Though it was clean thanks to Mrs Elm but it still lacked something of personality.

I walk over to the large window which I had decided is the most tolerable thing about Morgenstel. As I walk up to it my hands place on the joining sides of the white curtains. They glows a soft pale hue that seemed heavenly, and when I open them I find that it's because of the sunrise. The glowing sun miles away found it's like through the thick forest and onto my sleep ridden face, brightening my blue eyes. I squint a little at the brightness and opened the window, though I was cold I felt stuffy. I felt claustrophobic as I was reminded of the cold sweated dream I had last night. I close my eyes and when I do I see those mesmerising green orbs looking back at me. I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I needed the fresh air. It was true, when you're close to nature the air feels so much better.

I decide to make use of my time in the morning by organising my closet. I started by unpacking a box labeled "Tops" and then moved on to "Jeans" and so on. Though I bite my lip until it's sore in anger and frustration that I see some of my clothes have gone missing, I assume this is the handiwork of my mother and her aid to eat rid of everything that I have ever had an emotional connection to. I don't think she realises how much some things mean to me. But of course she doesn't, because I'm not a sap. I don't talk to her about how I feel, nor do I talk to anyone else how I feel. So I guess I can't blame her. Not for all of my problems anyways. But instead of letting the frustration get to me I carry on. Eventually I found myself in a filled closet of grey, white and mostly black. I frown a little as I realise that my colour palette lacks every other colour. But I laugh a little too.

I step out and the small smile on my lips disappears as I see that I still have all the other boxes along the wall to unpack. I sigh and place my hands on my hip. Looking through the boxes to find that they're mainly bits and bobs. Like my copper desk lamp, or laptop, or candles that are yet to be lit. I come across an ornament that I bought a few years ago in an antique store. It's the skull of a small gazelle with its horns still adorned, in a glass bell jar. I'm convinced that it is real, the store owner sold it to me cheaper since no one else wanted it. Poor thing.

I place him at the top of the plain shelves that were nailed to the wall. But somehow he's looking back at me with the caves of where his eyeballs used to be, with a dissatisfied look. I sigh. "I know" I mumble quietly. Wow. Now I've gone off the rails. Talking to dead animals and inanimate objects is surely a sign of madness. Maybe it's this town. However, I stand on my tiptoes and bring him down, taking him to the window ledge and placing him to face outside where the sunlight shone a ray of light on him. "There" I said, feeling contempt and then returning to the other boxes to unpack. He seems more satisfied now.

I saw that the clock read 7:30AM. I've unpacked everything in my room. I stand at the doorway to examine my work and I raise my eyebrows. It now looks like a room that I could live in. It looks like someone actually lives here. I nod silently and walk out my room, I close the door quietly not to wake my mother and head downstairs, the stairs creaking as I tiptoe down.

I sit down at the dining table with a hot mug of coffee in my hand. It seemed that my mother had stayed up longer than I thought. She had unpacked the whole kitchen from the spoons to the pans on the wall to the toaster. I hear her footsteps coming down the stairs and so I stand up pushing the chair behind me, not understanding why I feel so uncomfortable.
"Good morning. How did you sleep?" She asks like she has been awake for ages. I take a sip from my hot coffee. "Good" I lied "it was quite warm though". It wasn't warm because of the temperature, it was because of the dream I had that made my chest vibrate with heat. "I'll tell that to Mrs Elm. She said not to mess with the heating as it's temperamental." She said as she turned in the coffee machine. The silence was filled with the humming vibration of the machine as I sighed. Of course she thought I was the cause of discomfort. As if I touched the heating anyways.
I realise that at this point the hot coffee was burning my throat as I chugged it to avoid conversation with her. I placed the mug in the sink and was about to head upstairs when she grasped my arm.

A shock passed through me which she could read with my alert eyes. It reminds me of a similar scenario when I was younger. The familiar firm grasp of her hands on me. We meet eye contact, perhaps she realises this is deja vu, instead of letting go, she pulls a smile. "Go unpack, make use of today. You start school tomorrow, I'm heading to the centre later at the office. Make some friends, go explore." She says in a soft tone but with silence and then lets go. Of course, today is a Sunday. My arm froze in place as I nod and mentally slap myself for thinking of the worst. I then force my frozen body to move and head upstairs where I got changed into a black fitting top, black jeans and heeled boots. I slide a suede jacket on and silently laugh at myself in the mirror. I dress myself in a black hole like I'm wishing I could disappear and get sucked into an unknown abyss.

I brush my dark hair and forget the makeup as I didn't feel like it. I exit the room and am reminded of the constant creak or every step I take. I walk past my mother waking up the stairs, without giving me any recognition. She's on the phone and I can tell she's talking to her new boss about their meeting later today at the towns office where she has got a new job, because of her polite contempt in her voice as she spoke. "Yes. Delilah Degrey." She says and I walk out the front door.

The fresh air engulfs me as I walk down the path which isn't as wet as I assumed it was. As I walk down the street I feel like I'm being watched. I look up at the other houses to see no one in the windows. There is no one. I look behind me and there isn't anyone there. It's a Sunday of course so people will be making the most of their mornings. Though I get the feeling that this isn't a busy town and that everything moves so slow. Like they're trapped in time. That in all is tiring too.

Somehow, lost in my thoughts, I find myself in a small clearing of the forest. I'm struck by confusion. I don't remember walking here at all. Perhaps I'm too deeply involved in my own thoughts. I look around to see the tall timber towering over me. The mist of the clouds hang overhead allowing only the little of light pass through. I look ahead and see tightly knitted trees. The rocks are covered in moss and the plants are fighting for space. The smell is fresh and green. The dew of the leaves give off an aroma of life that I lacked before.
But my peace is disturbed as I hear a snap of a twig behind me. I shoot open my eyes and then to face the direction of the echo. But I'm met with silence. The raindrops had stopped dripping off the tree and the wind gazing through was quiet. It was like the forest had frozen in fear as much as I do. Because when you're in the woods, you're not scared of being alone; you're scared that you're not.

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authors note:

okay so I posted this chapter a few hours ago but somehow ALL OF IT WAS DELETED like it barely had the first paragraph! I'm so sorry! So I've rewritten this whole chapter again. I hope you enjoy and if you do comment and vote!

-kiim