Desires

•CHAPTER XLIV•

"Please tell me?" I ask and turn to him with a pleading look.
We get to the gates of my house. I notice that my mothers not home due to the missing car and the black windows.
He slides his hands in his pocket and shakes his head again. "It's just..." he begins.
"Just what?" I ask impatiently.
He sighs and doesn't meet my eyes. "I'm just worried how this is all making you feel. I mean you look like you're doing fine but somehow something tells me the opposite." He said and finally looks at me.

I look up at him with blue orbs and half smile. I do this a lot when I'm not sure what to say or feel. My body automatically has an impulse to pretend everything's fine when it's not. It's a habit that's grown from a long time ago.

"You're being silly. I mean, yes this is all absolutely insane but...I don't know. Is it weird to say that I feel like I was meant to be here? In all of this, between the human world and yours?" I say truthfully.

My gut feeling makes me feel like I'm dreaming. That somehow the old me is sleeping soundly in Oakton with both her father and mother together, how she never met Romeo or Charlie or the twins. How she was absolutely certain that there were only animals and humans and insects, that this world bestowed upon her wasn't real. She's just waiting for me to wake up and realise that this is all in my head. Just a bad nightmare, or a good dream.

"Is that's how you truly feel, then that's fine. But you will tell me if you ever feel any different, okay? Promise me?" He says and holds out his left pinky.
"I promise."
I'm unsure weather I'm being truthful now and I feel guilty because of it.
I link my right pinky in his and we both smile. He plants a kiss on my forehead slowly like he doesn't want to let me go, and then I open my eyes again. He's disappeared and what's left is my pinky and a chilled breeze.

After a few hours and my mother is still not home yet, I call Charlie who somehow already knows what had happened.

"How did you know?" I ask.
"My mum, they're all part of it all."
"Wow."
"Yeah I know, my life has completely changed. Yours too I bet."
"Yeah, anyways I better go."
"Okay, well goodnight Azra."
"Night, Charlie."

We hang up and I'm left alone again.
The silence in my room crowds my ears and I become restless, I walk over to my vanity and decide to clear things out. Something to do whilst I'm bored.

Once I'm finished, it's nearly ten o'clock. I walk over to my window and peek through the curtains to be met with the darkness and a dim street lamp a few blocks down. Even in the dark I can't make out my mothers car. Perhaps she got busy at work? Would be an innocent thing to think. The nature side of me tells me that she may be elsewhere with elsewhom...

I forget about the absence of my mother and I fall fast asleep.

The morning arises and I rub my eyes from the harsh light. I had left my curtains open.
I walk over to the window, absorbing the light like I'm some plant that's photosynthesising and look down. My mothers car still isn't there.

A part of me sinks remembering her last disappearance.

I walk downstairs after having finished my English homework. Nicole and Naomi had ditched me at lunchtime making me incredibly upset, that's why I was pouting. Ten year old me, in her blue school uniform and a ponytail trods down the steps, looking for something. I see what she's looking for, she looking for someone.
I walk into the kitchen and see my father. He's always dressed in his suit, but this time his tie is untied in the counter. He's over the cooker, boiling something. Pasta I presume. I remember the odd look of it all, my father doing something that isn't shifting papers or ordering me around.
"Alright there? Finished all your work?" He asks and turns to me with tongues in his hand. I nod.
"I'll be making dinner tonight okay? Stop looking so wide eyed and go set the table up." He says irritably and I obey.

The evening rolls around and my father has shut himself in the study, and my mother? I can't remember where she was because she wasn't there.

At breakfast, my father hastily pours a bowl of cereal for himself. He hands me the box which in place, my mother usually does.
"Where is she?" I ask quietly, shaking the cornflakes in my bowl.
He pours in too much milk in my bowl and shuts the lid harshly. He doesn't know. He knows as much as I do and that's what is angering him.
"Just get to school, she'll be back by then. Just busy is all." He mumbles and leaves me with my half hearted breakfast.

That night I wake up from a nightmare. I have dried tears in my eyes and my throats all dry. I hear a crash coming from downstairs and I hear more yelling. It's my dad's booming voice. He's shouting at someone and it's my mother.

This time my father isn't around to yell at her. God forbid me ever yelling at her either.
I walk down the stairs and make myself breakfast before heading out. I feel this pring of courage and adventure and call Charlie immediately.

"Hey Charlie, where are you?"
"Uhm on my way to school, like you should be. Why?"
I laugh. "I have a proposal, skip school with me today?"
"What! Azra are you insane?" She exclaims and this makes me laugh even more.
"Please? I've got something important to do."
There's a pause. "Oh go on then! Meet you where?"
"Meet me outside the offices and do not be seen."
"Alright, be there in ten."

We hang up and I drop my school bag, grabbing my jacket instead

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authors note:

guys!!!!!!!
it's my birthday tomorrow so i'm going to take a break. there will be no upload tomorrow, but there will be the day after that.
thank you for reading and i hope you can be patient with me.

please vote/comment'

-kiim