Desires

•CHAPTER XV•

I nodded too quickly, which Romeo seemed to take as a funny remark.
"I'll see you later then, Azra" He said slowly in his low voice. "Bye Charlie." He added before walking out of the door passing an occupied Mrs Hales.

As soon as he left out of our sight, Charlie raised her eyebrows and clasped her hands together. "Azra Degrey you have a study date with Romeo Montgomery!" She said and I shushed her as we were getting glances. "Oh my gosh Charlie! Shush!" I exclaimed but couldn't stop the butterflies floating in my stomach.
"It's not a big deal. Just studying because I can't do math for shit." I said. It wasn't a big deal, it was a huge deal! I would have to make sure my room was tidy. What do I even have in my room? Odd ornaments and objects. Would he think I'm weird? Weird is good right? Or am I a bad weird? What does his room look like? Somehow I can't imagine him relaxing in his home. He seems too tense. Too perfect.
"Not a big deal? Then tell me why you're blushing." She said and folded her arms giving me these eyes that say: Ha! I've got you!
I put my palms to my cheeks and feel the heat pass through my hands. "I'm just warm that's all!" I said as an excuse but saw that she was staring. Staring at my hand that had red marks where my mother's coffee had not so accidentally spilt on me.
"What happened to your hand? Does it hurt?" She said and I feel like I'm about to cry.

Why do I feel like I'm going to cry now? Maybe it's because I didn't cry then. It's because I remember. I remember the first time.

Her eyes met mine after looking at the broken china vase that crashed on the ground. I stood in front of it, looking down at the shards of china everywhere and how I knew it would be impossible to fix. I looked back up at her with sorry eyes. My tiny hands reaching out to clutch on her dress in hopes that she would forgive her daughter for a small mistake. "Look at what you've done!" She yelled. Her screeching voice reaching to a painful maximum. My mouth opens because I'm crying. Tears streaming down my red puffy cheeks as open my arms, trying to embrace my mother. Probably to ask for forgiveness. "GET AWAY FROM ME" she yelled and grabs my small hands that reached out to her, and pushing me with force away from her. My small body falls on my front against the broken china shards. My cheek grazed, and my palms cut. I stop crying so much because I'm in pain. I'm in physical pain and it takes away from the mental pain of a lost daughter in want of her mothers love.

"What happened to your hands? And your face sweetie?" A blonde woman asks. Her hair is tied back into a ponytail with no strands sticking out, making her look unreal. Her eyes are so warmly brown and her smile so welcoming. I'm sure she is one of my carers. "I fell." My nasally high voice says as I look at the picture book and how the light through the window shines on the soft pages. It's maybe a week after. And I still feel numb. "Oh you are clumsy aren't you! Now what does this spell?"

My eyes lock with Charlie's and then I look down at my hand like I never knew it was there. "Oh that? I burnt it on coffee this morning." I said. It wasn't a lie. "Jesus Azra. Did you run it under cold water?" She asked. "Yeah of course." I replied looking down at my hand. The redness was sure to go away in a few hours.

Most of the student's parents came to pick them up. So it was just me, Charlie and a few others who were going to go home themselves left. "Where are your parents?" I asked. "They're both doctors so they're working. I'm going to have to walk home." She said "If they let us go" she said louder as Mrs Hales walked by. "Hang in there Charlotte! You aren't the only student in school. You can leave after Jacks parents arrive. Then we can sign you all out. Okay?" She said and grinned, then happily walked away.
"What kind of doctors are they?" I asked.
"My dad's an animal surgeon and my mum is a vet nurse." She said and I nodded.
"What about yours? Are they picking you up?" She asked and I shook my head. "My parents are both busy." I said. She tilted her head to the side so that her braided hair swished leaving a fragrant of perfume.
"You don't talk about your family much." She said and waited for a reply.
I shrugged. "There's not much to talk about. I'm an only child." I replied before she could say anything.

I've thought about wether I would want siblings or not. Of course I would. I hate being alone, I'm not alone by choice. I used to have imaginary friends whom I used to pretend were my siblings. They took care of me and stood up for me when my mother was scary. When she delved into those moods where it was hard to pull herself out from. Especially without my father being there, she seemed to just get worse.

I sometimes think about what happened before I was born. Was she always like this? Did it all start when I was born? A realistic explanation would be that I was an accident. They didn't plan me, and don't want to have me but we're stuck with no choice. That's how it felt like.

After most of the students went home by their parents picking them up or their older siblings, me and Charlie left the school building, walking side by side.
"It's not even lunch time yet. Wanna go for a walk?" She said and I nodded. I didn't want to go back home so anywhere would be better.

We walked on the trodden path in the woods. The sun was still there, shining it's bright white light through the leaves but it wasn't warm at all. It was cold and gave me goosebumps in the back of my neck. Weather like this never occurred in Oakton. Of course, Morgenstel would have it.

"Tell me about Mr Sprucer." I demanded. I knew that Charlie would tell me. I've learned that she is honest. Sometimes too honest but I know I can trust what she says is the truth.
She sighed. "Cole is so going to kill me." She said as she picked up a long stick, making etches into the soft soil where we were walking. "So he went missing for a few days. No one knew why. His house was locked but his car wasn't there. They found his car in the forest down south, it was hacked up pretty bad with smashed windows and everything. Though the police don't think he crashed it, they think he was attacked and then ran through the woods. They can't find any traces of him going anywhere though. Not even a single strand of DNA, or anything left behind. No blood, nothing. Then a week later, a girl walking her dog found his body floating in the Stellar River. His body was barely intact, no blood on him whatsoever. No clothes or anything, which they still can't find. They think he struggled and drowned trying to escape a bear. But the strangest thing is...how did he get into Stellar River all the way from the south of Morgen?" She said and pointed with her long stick in between the trees.

I realise now that I can hear gushing of water. I look between the trees and see a river. Stellar River.
It's wide with strong flowing water, but not too violent. It ran with an ethereal motion through the nooks and crannies of all the rocks pieces together. "Another thing" she said "the night they think he went missing, it was a clear day. A clear week. No rain at all, in fact it was the driest week in a decade. So how did Mr Sprucer get himself in the river, all the way from the south, and drown himself in this?" She said and stepped her platform boot into the soft shallow flow of the water. It brushed past without her getting wet.

"No rain means no flowing water." I said slowly.

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authors note:
thank you for reading! i know that this chapter is a bit slow and boring but i promise the next chapter will be interesting!

please vote or comment as it really keeps me motivated to write more.

-kiim