Ocean Eyes (Lapidot fanfic)

A

It has been three weeks since then. I didn't speak to Lapis nor texted her. Whenever I went to school, she would always wait for me on my locker. She'd attempt communication but I never said anything back. She'd try to touch me but I kept shaking her off. We didn't seat beside each other since I kept pushing her away. But she would try to ask me to lunch, though I never spoke a single word.

I was still confused and fazed by what she did. How could she do it in front of everyone? Without my permission. Have I always been like this to her? Has she only looked at me like I'm some toy that she can use whenever?

"Fucking hell." I groaned loudly.

My phone rang. It was another text from Lapis. Without even reading it, I deleted the text. I had been doing that to her texts since then too. I don't care if she's apologizing. I wanted her to reflect on what she did. I thought she knew I hated getting attention. But that wasn't just the problem. She was looking at someone else while we kissed. It could've been alright, but everything broke when I saw her eyes opened and her stare wasn't on mine.

My alarm clock beeped, at 6:30 am. I have to get ready for school.

I didn't really sleep well these past few days, insomnia was fucking me hard at night.

After I did my morning rituals which was to take a shower and find decent clothes, I went out to see my roommates having breakfast as the aroma of hot chocolate filled the air.

"You know, I'm quite happy about my exorcism." Pearl smiled as she took my attention.

"How come?" Amethyst asked taking a bite at her cookie. While she was reading her book about algebra.

"Not only did Peridot come back to her usual self-" come back to my usual self? "But you're also studying now, Amethyst."

Amethyst chuckled. "I have to pass you peabrain. Of course I have to study."

I took a seat with them as Garnet poured me in a cup if choco. I thanked her as she nodded.

"I heard you and Lapis were um," Steven started as I looked at him. "You guys kissed in front of everyone."

My throat felt dry still. The past came flooding back in, every single detail. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to be near with anyone for that matter. Without warning, I left.

For some reason, my feet wandered me back to that lake where I nearly drowned. It was 7am. The wind blew coldly past me, but somehow I wasn't bothered. I remember feeling the exact same thing when I showered in the dark with cold water. I didn't give a single flying fuck.

As I reached my destination, I couldn't help but look at the tree where Lapis and I kissed under on. I shook my head. Now's not the time to remember those.

Without even thinking, I sat under the tree again. Feeling it's roots cuddle my hips. I leaned my back towards it's bark and closed my eyes. There were a lot of emotions running in circles inside me which I don't know how to get out.

"Oh hey Peridot." A familiar voice rung through my ears.

I quickly pan up to see Stevonnie looking down at me. She smiled and took a seat. "What brings you here?"

I didn't want to be rude, but I didn't want to talk either. I ended up shrugging.

"Problems huh? Whatever it is though, you can always tell me." She beamed.

The sun rose up perfectly to hit Stevonnie's face that glowed beautifully under the rays of sunlight. Everything about her seemed so effortless.

"Thanks." My lips whispered.

"I heard you guys-"

"Yeah we kissed." I finished. I was so over with it, it had been weeks but it was still what everyone talked about.

Stevonnie went silent. Moments after, she spoke again. "That's your problem isn't it?" She asked in the most calmest voice I ever heard.

I let out a sigh, a grunt even.

"Well, I don't know if this will make you feel better- but Lapis is like... a big deal." Stevonnie placed her palms on her thighs. I looked at her with my eyebrow arching. "She's a very big deal. She's the school representative! Everyone would die just to be with her. The backbone of vortex club. Without her, the club would've been not as powerful as it is now."

My eyes blinked the information. "What about her being a big deal?" Well Stevonnie, I am currently not feeling any better.

"I mean, she likes you."

For some dumb reason, I felt goosebumps go all over my body.

"Out of all the people in school, she chose to hang out with you. Aren't kinda proud of that?" She finished.

"I am." I muttered out. "But what she did was just," I stopped for a second, trying to find the right word. "It was just so selfish."

Stevonnie looked taken aback about what I said. "What made you think that the kiss was selfish?"

I can feel the ball on my throat slowly forming, my eyes getting damp. "She was looking at someone else. She did that for herself. Not for us." The tears freely flowed down my cheek. Stevonnie patted my back and hushed me.

Who knew I'd cry because of someone not my mom? Who knew that she'd fuck me up this hard? Who knew that that simple action would break me away from her. My reasons sounded very stupid to just ignore Lapis altogether. But if you were on that spot, you see the love of your life kiss you, but she wasn't looking at you or closed her eyes. She was looking at someone else. For all I know it could mean that I'm not the one she wants. She could be playing with me because I'm shy. Shy and could easily be manipulated, deceived, toyed. I hate it.

"That's just how the cookie crumbles." Stevonnie replied in such a low sincere voice. "How about you bake new ones and make them better so they don't break that easily?"

I didn't really get her metaphor that much, but I nodded anyway. Bake new ones..

"You know, if I were you, I'd talk to her about this." She wrapped her arm around me as I wiped the tears away. "Communication is a must in order to fix broken relationships." She smiled.
"It's not good to just take your side only, listen to theirs and know what went wrong. It could just be a whole misunderstanding, y'know?"

Never in my whole life have I ever been this happy about a friend who cared and gave advice. And what great advice I must say. For a few moments, I gathered myself and with the help of Stevonnie, I started to feel energized again. It felt like I was blinded and now I could see things better, even in different angles.

"Thanks Stevonnie, for everything." I gave her a genuine smile.

She returned the expression and we walked towards the school.
--•--•--•--

As we reached the doors, I told her I'd be going to my locker. Stevonnie waved me goodbye as she went ahead to her classes. My steps grew faster towards the halls, I've never been this energized to talk again with Lapis, I guess I have to apologize, the past weeks must have been hard for her. Once my locker came in to view, I didn't see the familiar bluenette. And for some reason, no one was around there either. Is it too early? I grabbed my phone to check the time and saw it was five minutes before the first subject. Normally, people would be there, chattering and heading towards their rooms. But I was the only one there. Maybe they left early? That seemed to be an acceptable reasonable thought.

As I spun the knob and grabbed my ipad inside the locker. I felt this stinging pain on my neck, I check what it was and I pulled out a syringe that stuck up in. A fucking syringe?! I started to feel dizzy, my hands started to feel numb as I heard my ipad fall on the ground. Everything was so fucked up, my vision became blurry, the only thing I was hearing were my breathing and heartbeat that seemed to slow down.

My legs weakened as I fell to the ground. The last thing I saw was a big shadow and that's it. I was cold out.