Space Oddity

🥰Feelings Are Frightening😱😨

The next day Kehaulani spent her time either working in the garden or helping Hugh in Sickbay she never went into Saru's quarters but slept in a small bed that Lorca had placed the garden for her if she ever got tired.... cause gardening is very tiring work you know.... and late into the afternoon Kehaulani ended up helping Hugh take care of Sarek who looked at her as if he knew her "I heard about you"  Sarek says as Kehaulani walks over to his bed "well whatever it is good or bad I'm sure it's all true!"  she replies Hugh who was coming up behind her chuckles "you seem familiar"  Sarek tells her "I probably am"  she replies Sarek looks at her oddly "I have lived many lives.... and each with life I lived I was a different species.... everything from Vulcan to Kelpien.... each time I died I was reborn anew but I kept a small piece of each species I have been basically as a reminder...."  she pulls her long hair back and shows him her Vulcan like ears "I hate to say it but I'm glad I didn't inherit the Vulcan eyebrows!"  there was a sparkle in Sarek's eyes as though they were laughing "I remember each language but tend to forget the culture of the species I become.... I have no idea how I came to be for as far as I know I am the only one that lives the way I have lived!.... can do as I have done!.... which may or may not be a good thing.... I am uncertain that I can explain it completely though I do believe I lose a little so that my brain doesn't become filled with information that may or may not be useful to whatever species I become next.... honestly I have no idea what species I am now!.... maybe I have finally come to my last life!.... which would be a relief in many ways I would not recommend reincarnation to anyone immortality can get pretty boring after a few lifespans!"  she continues and she sees a shine in his eye which may have been his way of smiling without letting it truly show upon his lips "I should let you rest.... I still know a few Vulcan meals and how to make Vulcan tea if you ever become hungry or thirsty.... and it won't be any of that simulated stuff.... I have a weird allergy to simulated food and Lorca was kind enough to allow me to make a small garden when I first arrived on board almost a month ago just let Hugh know and I'll see what I can cook up for you"  she adds after a small pause then walks away but stops when she hears Sarek ask "you said that I might know you.... how!?!"  she turns to face him and replies "when I was a Vulcan I only had one friend.... I was a extremely defiant teenager!.... I couldn't find the will to follow the "logic only" path that the Vulcans take and he was the only Vulcan who excepted me as I was instead of trying to change me.... I don't remember his name.... I don't remember much of any life that I have lived except for the one I live presently but there is always at least one part of each life that "sticks out" more than the others.... leaves a deep impression within my heart so that I never forget it and how he treated me over the others is the one thing that stood out during my Vulcan life.... now rest!.... and I will return when I can and tell you what I do remember if you so wish"  he looks into her eyes and says "I would like that!"  she smiles at him then bows in a very Vulcan way and walks away.....

Kehaulani spent the night on and off visiting Sarek and they swapped life stories.... she brought him a full Vulcan meal and a tea pot and cup of Vulcan tea which he claimed he enjoyed.... once he fell asleep she headed to Saru's quarters where she oddly felt that she belonged even if he did fear his feelings for her.... Saru heard the door to his quarters chime and he walks over to answer it and he was surprised to see who stood on the other side "your here!?!"  he says in a soft surprised voice as he looks down at Kehaulani "if you'd rather I'd not be then just say so!"  she replies "no!.... please!.... come in!"  he says stepping aside and waving his hand towards the inside of his room as he does so and she walks in "I owe you an apology!"  Saru starts once he turns to face her "Saru!"  Kehaulani says softly "you were right!.... what I did was wrong!"  he starts but his words stop once he feels her hand slide up his cheek with a soft, gentle, loving touch and his hand falls upon her hand as it touches his cheek "in a small way you made up for it!.... I felt him leave the ship!.... it was the happiest I have ever felt him be since he's been aboard!.... he may never forget the pain but he will remember those who set him free!.... the small bits of kindness he received while on this ship.... I don't think he got that on the other one.... it seemed so new to him.... and you succeeded!.... you were a great Captain!.... if a little harsh!"  she moves her hand away from his cheek and continues "you can't learn from a mistake if you never make them!.... you know what you've done wrong for you acknowledged those failures!.... but do you know what you've done right?!.... your crew respects you!.... they know how hard every decision you made was.... and quite honestly I think they're glad it was you and not them who had to make those decisions.... I know it's all still fresh.... but sometimes it's better to focus on the future instead of the past while still living in the present.... I have already forgiven you.... but you have to forgive yourself!.... can you do that?!"  she asks he tilts his head at her as though thinking then says "yes!.... I believe I can!"  he pauses then asks with a soft curious tone "you called me brave.... do you really think....!?!"  she lets out a short light chuckle then replies "if I didn't believe it I wouldn't have said it!.... there is still one thing that hurts though"  he looks at her confused "every night since I have arrived on this ship you've been having what one would call nightmares.... at first I thought it was about the loss of your first Captain but.... it was much worse than that.... to you anyway!"  she says "what did you see!?!"  he asks her "what did you dream?!"  she asks him and he gasps "I never meant to see your dreams!.... but as soon as I touched you.... it all came flashing into my mind as though they were my dreams.... dreams that I wouldn't mind having as a part of my reality!.... what excited me frightened you!.... I was so unsure how to comfort you.... but for the most part I didn't need to.... after sensing my body's presence your body calmed down measurably!.... but it still wasn't enough!.... I couldn't bare hearing your painful cries, seeing your closed eyes shut even tighter or the pained expression your face, to hear you whimper, see you flinch as you tossed and turned.... there were many times when I thought about waking you but then I thought that would only make it worse.... I hoped you didn't sleep with a phaser under your pillow.... if I actually did wake you up!.... I realized that you lied to me.... I DO frighten you!.... you fear how you FEEL about me!.... I don't want you to fear me.... but you do!.... you're not the only one new to all this Saru!.... I had no idea how I could comfort you even though I wanted to.... it hurt to see you like that!.... I should have supported you when you were Acting Captian but your choices.... I knew that I couldn't!.... and that hurt as well.... but nothing hurts more than the thought of you living in fear of loving me!.... you're the first man to ever be afraid of something like that when it comes to me.... there are PLENTY who would LOVE to be in your place!.... to have those feelings that they THINK they feel or at least PRETEND to be brought back upon them by me!.... but I never did.... I couldn't!.... just the thought of it DISGUSTED me!.... but this!.... I have no idea how to react to THIS!.... it's nice to know that there is at least ONE man out there who is completely appalled by the though of committing such an action!.... the fact that just the thought of KISSING me much less TOUCHING me in a more "intimately sexual" way scares you beyond ANYTHING that has ever frightened you before that.... hurts!.... but don't you worry Saru I doubt that it will EVER happen!.... for you will never get over THAT fear will you!?!.... you must find even being NEAR me appalling!" ....

Saru looks at Kehaulani in shock and says "no!.... Kehaulani.... I....! I just don't know how to act around you!.... what I can say to you!.... I want too.... live out my dreams!.... but as you say they frighten me!.... I look forward to waking up with you by my side.... the feeling of your arms around me.... it's the calmest I have ever been.... but as soon as we leave the bed my fears take over.... and I.... I am lost!.... getting sucked back in to what is familiar and I don't know how to change it!"  she reaches up once sliding her hand gently up his cheek feeling every smooth ripple of his handsome face.... well it was handsome to HER anyway.... every part of his body is sexy as hell to her.... over his forehead and down the center of his flat nose two of her fingers moved over each edge of the split in the middle he watches her in awe his body stiffens for a few seconds then relaxes as her fingers travel over his lips and down his chin once they slide around his neck he stiffens again and she lowers her hand "why did you do that!?!"  he asks as she moves her hand away from him and back down to her side "curiosity"  she replies "I do believe you have an early day ahead of you so perhaps it would be best if you tried to get some sleep.... just no more dreaming of me!"  she adds teasingly "I don't think that's possible!"  he replies softly she chuckles then says "yeah!.... me either!.... good night Saru"  he stammers a reply "good night Kehaulani"  as they both walked to their sleeping areas (her the couch him the bed) his mind wouldn't stop going to how soft and gentle her touch was, how he wanted it to end with a kiss.... which is where he thought it was going.... but he knew why she stopped she stopped because his fear had returned maybe she was testing his reactions part of him hoped it would continue and part of him was still frightened of what her touch, the sound of her voice, the look in her eyes when their eyes meet, everything about her and the way he felt about her frightened him like nothing else ever did in his life.... for the next few days in the security of his own quarters she did continue to "test" his reactions to her touch.... even though she felt him stiffen she also felt him quiver with excitement she didn't always touch his face she slide her hand down his arm and into his hand, over his chest.... while he was still in uniform.... she even slide a finger over his badge, the stripes over his shoulders and down his sides and even the zipper in the center.... he was fine when she touched his badge, his arms, shoulders, but not when her fingers slide down his sides or the center of his chest and he always felt this overwhelming disappointment when she would move her hand away and not touch him anymore.... when she placed her hand in his his hand jumped back out of hers and he could see the sadness and pain in her eyes that made him want to place it back in but his hand just wouldn't listen to his heart.... his heart.... that's what she's been trying to show him.... the fear in in his head not his heart he had to train himself to stop listening to his head when it came to her.... and perhaps many other things.... and start listening to his heart but the painful rapid beating it did when she was near made it hard to do so but he swore that he would try for he didn't lie he DID want to make what happens in his dreams a reality to feel her skin near his to see the entirety of her body without the clothes or the towel under him, above him it didn't matter he wondered what her lips and the blooming bud in the center of her hips tasted like and felt like he wanted to explore her just as he has so many planets and galaxies but in a much more intimate fashion for she means more to him than everything else combined he's just unsure of how to express such an emotion.... the only other person he has ever felt anything for was a Kelpien who died saving her master and that was before he ever joined Starfleet and just like then he was to afraid to act upon those emotions not this time this time he would finally not only tell her but show her how he felt in as many ways as possible.... it's just too bad that by the time Saru "allowed" Kehaulani to show HIM how soft her lips were and how delectably sweet they tasted he just might not remember it

even though google defines blooming as: (adjective)  INFORMAL•BRITISH adjective: blooming 1. used for emphasis or to express annoyance

 I actually mean the Google definition of bloom /blo͞om/ (verb)  gerund or present participle: blooming which is: 1. produce flowers; be in flower 

 * come into or be in full beauty or health; flourish.

* (of fire, color, or light) become radiant and glowing.