Space Oddity

I Envy You Saru

As Saru was chatting with Hugh he was surprised to hear familiar laughter come from behind him he turns and sees Lani and Sarek playing with a unfamiliar boy with blue hair "they can see you!"  Lani whispers to Gray who looks at her then at Hugh and Saru with a surprised expression on his face "we didn't do it the ship did.... we think!"  Sarek tells him then he nods his head over at his surprised looking father and Godfather and Gray cautiously walks over to them Kehau cautiously walks over to Saru and he knew she was doing something she would never normally do wherever she and their children really are just by the way she walked for she always walked in a more Kelpien way when she was ashamed of something and he tells Hugh to take Adira and Grey to find a exit and he, his wife and children search for Su'Kal.... "I envy you Saru!"  Kehau says as they walk "you.... envy me!?!"  Saru replies with a curious surprised tone "well everyone really!.... you've all lived one life I've lived many! you know who your ONLY parents are I don't know if I was born or created much less WHY I was born or created! you know your purpose I don't think I have one! marrying you.... both times.... and having our children gave me a reason to live but I still don't have a purpose!.... do you know why I learned all I know about this ship even though I never wanted to be a part of the Federation?!"  he shakes his head "for YOU! I learned EVERYTHING for YOU!.... you put the Federation before your family and that hurt in ways I cannot express for in all my years, in all my lives I have NEVER been hurt that badly especially in my heart!"  she tells him and he looks at her sadly "I used to think you were brave now I know you are still a coward!"  she says and his expression becomes one of heartbreaking pain "I'm making Osyraa pay for the pain she's caused by causing her pain.... while on the planet where Georgiou had went to find her cure I was sent by the one who had "saved" her to the Terran Empire where she relived her life for a bit I am using their way of torture as my way of torture because I still can't bring myself to physically hurt someone!.... they have what they call Agonizer Booths which cause great pain to their prisoners the children are playing with Paul keeping him occupied so he doesn't continuously worry about well.... the ones you just sent away.... yes he worries about you as well but Hugh is his husband and I believe he thinks of Adira as his child for they have become quite close as of late so he worries about them in a much deeper level and he would do some foolish things just to make sure he can make it back to them!"  Kehau tells him Saru looks at her sadly "I figured if I caused her pain I could make some of this darkness I have accumulated throughout our travels go away so far it hasn't worked but I think it's because of you!.... of my newfound HATE for you!.... I still love you but I hate you too mainly because you never answered my question AND the fact that you would put an IDEAL before your own family!"  she tells him "I would NEVER give you or our children to the Federation for experimentation and neither would Vance!"  he tells her softly "I don't believe you! and Vance might not but even he has many who outrank him the Federation has a President of their own and THEY would!"  she replies his heart truly breaks at her words.... Michael walks into the Brig and sees Osyraa in the Agonizer Booth and she stares at her and Kehau who was watching the green woman scream in pain with a emotionless expression on her face in shock "what are you doing!?!"  Michael asks Kehau "tormenting the tormentor till she takes her last breath if she's going to die I'm going to make sure it's a very painful one!"  Kehau replies Osyraa's eyes widen in shock then she screams in pain once more "you must not be very good at receiving pain Osy that's its lowest setting.... would you like to feel it's highest!?!"  Kehau asks Osyraa shakes her head "I'll take that as a yes!"  Kehau says and Osyraa's knees buckle as the pain becomes truly excruciating and fills her entire body so that it was all she could feel "don't worry I'm going to make sure your death is a slow one!"  Kehau promises "it's either her or Saru and I would NEVER hurt Saru!... not PHYSICALLY anyway"  Kehau tells Michael who looks at her friend in shock "I'm a empath who has travelled far beyond my time Michael!.... what the HELL do you THINK is happening inside me!?! and do you honestly believe I would bring it out in front of my children against their own father who they love more than anything in the universe!?!"  Kehau asks her shocked looking friend "if I don't get rid of it soon it will consume me till I am no longer myself and I can't do that to my family! at least with her part of me believes it's doing the "right" thing even if I am doing it the "wrong" way for I would NEVER normally seek "justice" this way you know that!"  she pauses then says "consider this me FINALLY doing what I was sent to prison for!"  Michael lets out a short soft chuckle "and yes he knows.... I could NEVER lie to Saru!.... EVER!!"  Kehau says softly Michael nods "oh and poor little Osy isn't the only one...."  Kehau says she nods her head towards another Agonizer Booth that had Zareh in it and he was already unconscious "he's even weaker than she is and deserves it just as much as she does!"  Kehau says Michael looks at her friend in shock "I killed two people remember!?!.... these are my two and if I remember correctly this is the "man" my husband and Tilly met on the Colony so I owe him some pain.... by the way that is from one go at the lowest setting she's had at least four.... and he was put in after she was when she got back from her meeting with Vance.... do you think I should call him a doctor!?!"  Kehau tells her Michael lets out a short soft chuckle....